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  #11  
Old 10-25-2009, 02:10 AM
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Okay
-RED FLAG!

I haven't heard anything about F's husband. Where's he at? It doesn't sound like he knows what his wife has been doing. I don't care how much he has neglected himself and how little attention she gets, is she cheating! If so, you have way more work to do!

This isn't just about you and the wife my friend. This is about all four of you.
Sorry, but I think you have to check your NRE at the door, take a breath and figure out realistically and rationally what you can achieve.

Your wife's comfort should be number one, next is F's husband comfort and knowing what is going on, if indeed F has even let her husband know. Next is getting together with F to decide to start something, then is to get together with her husband all three of you and your wife all three of you.

You got some work to do to go about this properly. Good luck! If you succeed then there will be a lot of challenges, but it can be sweet.
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Last edited by redpepper; 10-25-2009 at 05:59 PM.
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  #12  
Old 10-25-2009, 02:45 AM
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You're right Red Pepper. My bad. I forgot about F's husband as well.
I agree the primary relationships are the first priority. I do think he needs to know if there's even a possibility of a relationship though. If not, he can continue working on the relationship with his wife and try to get past his feelings for F.

I for one would not be able to continue on the way he is currently. Could be because of my own similar experience of longing for so long.
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  #13  
Old 10-25-2009, 02:35 PM
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Thank you all for showing such love and support! I feel like I may have found some new friends here.

In my defense and F's, I don't know that she's discussed anything with her husband or not, but her actual search for another lover wound up more of a mental exercise, which is part of why I'm so confused in regard to her intentions toward me. She had a straight-up offer from another couple in our group to have sex with them and turned it down. As for me, I was watching for signs of true seriousness in her search and had already planned to tell her my feeling that she owed her husband, no matter what direction she decided to take this nor with whom, at the very least to be informed of her decision and reasoning. Also, remember that her statement to me was not only about hurting my wife, but her husband as well. For what it's worth.

Talk to you all again sometime soon,
Torn

Last edited by TornInTwo; 10-26-2009 at 01:00 PM.
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  #14  
Old 10-25-2009, 08:50 PM
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Never easy. good luck. Read-even if you can't post, read, you'll find lost of helpful info.
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  #15  
Old 11-07-2009, 12:33 AM
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I think I've decided my course of action. I agree with AussieLover that I really need to find out what F is thinking and how she's feeling. I know I'm not going to get an honest answer out of her if I come up to her cold and just flat-out ask, so I've started flirting with her again. When and if I can get her back into flirting with me (which, if she won't, I know is pretty indicative), then I'll try to find a moment when I can talk to her alone and ask. This is going to be the difficult part, since I so rarely see her without my wife. From there, it depends on her answers, of course. If nay, I suffer in silence, hoping the desire will subside; if yea, then we discuss the ramifications on our spouses, and go from there.

Halloween went very well, though, as our group all get together to party and everyone dresses up. F was Bellatrix from Harry Potter, and kept driving me wild doing the Death-Eater thing and licking her 'tattoo'. When picture-taking time came around, she wrapped herself pretty close to me and I thought I was gonna lose my mind on the spot.

My wife encourages me to tell F that I think she's pretty because F's overweight and sensitive about it. I told F she looked beautiful that night. She always emails a thank-you note after we all get together, and she said how she loved our costumes, that my wife and I both are good for her ego. I reiterated that I thought she was gorgeous, and good for our egos as well. She thanked me for all the compliments.

Everyone will be out again Sunday, so I hope all goes well. Thank you, everyone, for giving me the peace of knowing I should seek the truth and the encouragement I needed to do it. I'll keep you posted!

Thanks,
Torn
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  #16  
Old 11-07-2009, 01:43 AM
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hi tom

take things slowly as i jumped in my situation and it ended up in a mess
i let my feelings get the better and fell for my f friend its all ended and nearly cost my marriage and a year of depression with several trips to a counselor


let f and your wife be the one's to choose you
rather plant the seed and let them make it grow?

hope it all works what ever the outcome as long as it don't go crappy and you all loose out


jon
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  #17  
Old 11-07-2009, 02:22 AM
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please help me
it wont let me start a new topic cos i ve only just signed up
i got my tongue pierced yesterday and it didnt bleed and was fine
but then tonight it started bleeding so after i applied some ice it was stopped but started up again a couple of hours later when i brushed my teeth and this time it wont stop and a clot has started to form.
is this a problem that can be solved int he mornin in 7 hours or is it something i shud be gettin really worried about? please reply asap
thanks
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  #18  
Old 11-07-2009, 06:00 AM
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i think your in the wrong thread but if it dont stop bleeding then go seek medical advise the clot will help stop the bleeding so try let it from
also try not agitate it to much

not sure as i don't have any mouth piercings
but when i done my own Dydoe Piercing i just used a smear of Vaseline
but not sure what the pro's recommend for the mouth?
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  #19  
Old 11-07-2009, 07:06 AM
rosyrump rosyrump is offline
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Fedelia has a point. She must understand the concept of sharing. This is only my way, but here's what I'd do. I'd set up a time in a place your wife feels safe, and I'd set a table for three. Invite both wife and f, and though I'd keep the environment relaxed, I'd make sure the food was great. A real treat!
Then, I'd find some pictures or objects that are very special to you and your waif jointly, and some pix or objects that connect wife and F. Keep them near table but out of sight.
When I have both of them at the table, sitting beside each other with me(you) on the other side, and they are breathing in the fumes of awesome food they'd never want to run away from, I'd explain that I had something to talk about that was causeing me extreme pain.
Id first pull out the things that remind wife of me. Id touch on how much she IS and will ALWAYS beMy(your) love. Then pull out the stuff connecting her to F. Explain that you see and understand why your wife loves her so much. Leave these idems in front of them. Tell them that if they ever feel like doughting how much love is at the table for them, to just look at the objects. (I am right now just starting a poly situation with my love, and sometimes its hard, but I've known the woman he loves since she was 8. She is my companion. I love her in all but a physical way, though thats not bad either when my loves between us, she is amazing! I have always wanted her in my life anyway. It helps me to know that I can trust her implisantly. She would NEVER hurt me. If F truely is one of her best friends, then your wife can rest in the thought that F will always have her back, just like with the email.
Then tell them both how you feel. Tell them how much it hurts you to hide, but that it hurts to see them in pain also. Tell them everything, then LISTEN. Let them talk, to you, to each other. Use the food to keep them there. KEEP EATING. Have awesome desert. Show them how hard you'd work for their happiness (it's very hard to love two woman, my love has to dish out so much love and patience it's kind crazy).

I also think you should express to them that you'd be ready and able to do anything to at least talk things out and put things on the table for all to see. Tell them that they can say anything they want, and it won't anger you. Let them get emotional, angry, sad,whatever. You'll always be there!

Lastly, try to always say what you want, not what you don't want. Just sayin the words break up, unloved, fall out of love, etc. Even though you don't want these things, when a woman is upset, she will pick these out like buz words. Your just sayin them puts bad pix and possabilities in their heads.

whew! Sorry that was so long, but lead up and atmo are very important when deep feelings are "put on the table".
Much love to you, and if you take my advise or not, keep on loving. Be true, and humble.
_Rosyrump
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  #20  
Old 11-07-2009, 05:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rosyrump View Post

whew! Sorry that was so long, but lead up and atmo are very important when deep feelings are "put on the table".
Much love to you, and if you take my advise or not, keep on loving. Be true, and humble.
_Rosyrump
hi Rosyrump

wish i did that but ...lol
but he must first find out if there both "mono "then it's never going to work also there is 4 people involved in this ?

so its going to have it's complications

not sure if the wonderful meal thing will truly work as revealing news would tend not to make me want to carry on with dinner??? and t and wife have already had discussions about f

also is this just a sexual thing or a caring feeling loving ?????
if its the later then keep the friendship you have the way it is.
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