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  #41  
Old 10-25-2009, 01:55 AM
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Legion Legion is offline
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This is all really scary. I mean, worst case scenario, what if he is just using "poly" as a way of trying out a relationship with this woman and if it doesn't work out he still has you? And if it does work out and she bears this child or children he is so desperate for then what if he just ditches out on you and goes to be with her? I checked and you've been married for 5 years so I guess you know him pretty well by now.

Also, maybe "worst case scenario" isn't so bad, actually. If he would leave you in the above situation, probably not the loving partner you want to remain with anyway, right?
Sorry to play devil's advocate but I was just thinking it and maybe you've thought it too?

A word about him being so mean to you. It's not acceptable. I know what it's like to be frustrated, and I understand that we get angry and the poison comes up out of us when we have that internal battle we don't let out. I had this happen to me last spring and it ate me up. But we should always be careful with our loved ones, to honor and cherish them regardless of whether we vowed to do it or not. The promises in our hearts should be stronger and more prevalent than anything that passes our lips.

A word about "communication"- that is a good answer on things to need. Maybe he needs a definition of communication or why it is important. I don't know you or your husband at all, but maybe he is asking for some rules? I know when I first came into poly I thought about the word "cheating". Cheating is not playing by the rules. So if you take a card from the top of the deck on your turn while playing rummy, it's all good. But if you do the same thing during Texas Hold 'Em, you've just cheated.

Poly (my understanding anyway) has a great deal to do with tossing out some of the mainstream monogamous rules we've been taught. Rules we play by without even having ever read or written them down or voiced them. I had to laugh the other day playing online poker when one player sent another a rose and the recipient said "Thank you, it's beautiful." and seconds later, "My husband likes it, too." Subtext = "Taken. Bark up next tree."

So if he's asking for rules... why is he asking? Is it so he can follow them to make you happy? Is it so that he can find a way to work his way around them?
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  #42  
Old 10-25-2009, 02:10 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Legion View Post
I had to laugh the other day playing online poker when one player sent another a rose and the recipient said "Thank you, it's beautiful." and seconds later, "My husband likes it, too." Subtext = "Taken. Bark up next tree."
Sorry to interrupt you, but what type of poker has this in it? What set of cards has this in it? I'm not the biggest poker aficionado, but last time I played cards I did not notice a "rose" as either a suit or a number.
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  #43  
Old 10-25-2009, 07:41 PM
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Legion Legion is offline
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oh it's not part of the game. It's online, so you're in a chat room basically with the game going on in a graphical user interface. You have an avatar/picture and you can click on other people to look at thier stats, add them as a poker buddy, buy them "gifts/drinks" which vary from exotic dancers, tigers, cigarettes, various beverages and one of the things you can "buy" is a rose. Which is just a little rose graphic that shoots from your avatar to thiers then sits next to their avatar until someone buys them something else or the timer runs out on it. It's free poker, so it doesn't actually cost anything. The application is called "Zynga Poker" and I play via myspace or facebook.

People send the items as a way of flirting or just to be friendly or funny (e.g. You can send someone a box of tissues after they lose a big hand.)
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  #44  
Old 10-25-2009, 08:01 PM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
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Personally, I like guys like your husband. Once the amazingly tolerant and wonderful women finally get around to leaving, guys like me benifit as we look like the best mates possible in comparison, lol. I keep telling both Violet and Anne that they could each do far better than me, but they look back on what they had before and say "nope, like what I got now".

So thank you husband in advance on behalf of the guy you end up with next, the guy who will stand in awe of your beauty and persona. The guy who believes that when a woman who is too good for you enters your life, you should work your ass of to improve yourelf to keep her and make her happy, not try to tear her down to your level and make her feel unworthy. I assure you, that guy will be greatful to have you every day, and will sincerely want to thank your husband for how he's acting now.

Oh - welcome to the boards.
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  #45  
Old 10-25-2009, 08:27 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by Legion View Post
oh it's not part of the game. It's online, so you're in a chat room basically with the game going on in a graphical user interface. You have an avatar/picture and you can click on other people to look at thier stats, add them as a poker buddy, buy them "gifts/drinks" which vary from exotic dancers, tigers, cigarettes, various beverages and one of the things you can "buy" is a rose. Which is just a little rose graphic that shoots from your avatar to thiers then sits next to their avatar until someone buys them something else or the timer runs out on it. It's free poker, so it doesn't actually cost anything. The application is called "Zynga Poker" and I play via myspace or facebook.

People send the items as a way of flirting or just to be friendly or funny (e.g. You can send someone a box of tissues after they lose a big hand.)
I see; it sounds like they have little casino-ish things you can do as if you were really partying and drinking in a casino.

I understood the part about the rose being one of those little icons and not actually part of the game, but at first I was failing to see how playing online poker would include something like that.
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  #46  
Old 10-25-2009, 08:35 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Mono listed another book in one of his threads (I'm actually looking for that thread today so I can try to get the book) You might look through the threads he's posted on THIS WEEK to see-I know I read it this week (and I check in every day) and he suggested it because he doens't (as a mono) like the book Ethical Slut.
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  #47  
Old 10-25-2009, 08:38 PM
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Found it!! It was the next thread I clicked on!

Here is what Mono wrote in his post! Hope it helps.

Up on my soap box I go!

If you are going to read letirature to inform you and prepare you for a life with a polyamorous partner (especially if you ar unsure if you are poly) I highly suggest you pick up Deborah Anapol's - Love without Limits http://www.lovewithoutlimits.com/books.html


The Ethical slut reads like an enabling book as opposed to an informative book in my humble opinion. I'm pretty mono and Deborah's book was much more clear, sensitive and less sexually driven which allowed me to focus on the content of the message and what poly is about. The Ethical Slut was like holding a handful of anthrax

Peace and Love
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  #48  
Old 10-26-2009, 12:56 PM
MRC2009 MRC2009 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive View Post
Personally, I like guys like your husband. Once the amazingly tolerant and wonderful women finally get around to leaving, guys like me benifit as we look like the best mates possible in comparison, lol. I keep telling both Violet and Anne that they could each do far better than me, but they look back on what they had before and say "nope, like what I got now".

So thank you husband in advance on behalf of the guy you end up with next, the guy who will stand in awe of your beauty and persona. The guy who believes that when a woman who is too good for you enters your life, you should work your ass of to improve yourelf to keep her and make her happy, not try to tear her down to your level and make her feel unworthy. I assure you, that guy will be greatful to have you every day, and will sincerely want to thank your husband for how he's acting now.

Oh - welcome to the boards.
I read your post and burst into tears! I wish I could find this man you are talking about. Actually I wish my husband felt this way about me. I love my husband and I don't want to lose him.

We chatted a little online last night (he's still out of the country) and it didn't go well at all. I told him that I've been reading and learning about Poly and that I was excited to be expanding my mind. He replied "That's great but it won't matter if we can't work out my issues." I asked (actually begged) him to please tell me what these issues are. Over the last 5 weeks I keep hearing him talk about these issues but he has yet to tell me exactly what they are. Like every other time he wouldn't tell me what they are. I burst into tears (again)! I don't know how much longer I take this. We have a therapist appointment on Nov 10th, I hope that I make it that long. I wish that he would stop dragging this out. Why can't he just tell me the truth?!?!

I think that I need to meet some new people. Anyone here from Central NY? Ok sorry about the rant! HMA: thank you again for your kind words. It really touched my heart. I wish that I could find someone who would cherish me and like/love me for who I was.
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  #49  
Old 10-26-2009, 12:58 PM
MRC2009 MRC2009 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Found it!! It was the next thread I clicked on!

Here is what Mono wrote in his post! Hope it helps.

Up on my soap box I go!

If you are going to read letirature to inform you and prepare you for a life with a polyamorous partner (especially if you ar unsure if you are poly) I highly suggest you pick up Deborah Anapol's - Love without Limits http://www.lovewithoutlimits.com/books.html


The Ethical slut reads like an enabling book as opposed to an informative book in my humble opinion. I'm pretty mono and Deborah's book was much more clear, sensitive and less sexually driven which allowed me to focus on the content of the message and what poly is about. The Ethical Slut was like holding a handful of anthrax

Peace and Love
LR: Thank you for finding this post. I went ahead and ordered the book. And thank you to Mono for recommending it! You guys have been very informative and I really appreciate it.
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  #50  
Old 10-26-2009, 01:08 PM
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greenearthal greenearthal is offline
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I live in Western NY (Buffalo). If you live anywhere near Rochester I know they have a poly group that meets monthly and has some very nice folks in it.
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