Emotional cheating in mono relationships

[Derbylicious]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

You don't have to believe me..but you just met one person who is

You're so mono that you're the only one???

[VENUS]

I think that the key is to be true to YOU, in whatever it is you feel. If your feeling insecure because of another person in your partners life (whether it be sexually, socially, or otherwise) the Poly lifestyle is not for you. We cannot set limits on our feelings ~ we feel what we feel and that can't be manipulated by anyone, including ourselves. If you truly take inventory of YOU and are true to YOU, you'll know whether you are making yourself happy being Poly or if your doing it to "keep" the partner you love. But I've found that trying to control others emotions, whether it be through rules, manipulation or lying to them and yourself will only cause unhappiness within yourself. I don't know I even buy into the "emotionally cheating" because we cannot really control emotions that come naturally (except outwardly maybe). To try to repress or control those emotions and feeling for a partner will only cause regret and resentment later down the road. Just my opinion, hope it helps.

[SNeacail]

Originally Posted by VENUS

I don't know I even buy into the "emotionally cheating" because we cannot really control emotions that come naturally (except outwardly maybe).

"Emotional Cheating" is NOT feeling the emotions, it when you start sharing intimate personal details of you life with someone other than your spouse (SO, established partner, etc) and without their knowledge. It is possible to treat another person like you would a g/f or b/f, just without the physical connections. My husband did this for years. Let me tell you it hurt just as much when I found out about the emotional connection as when I found out he was sexting strangers and was scheduling a meet-up.

The problem with emotional cheating, is that the offending spouse rationalizes it as being OK, because there is no sex, therefore it's not cheating. WRONG! The worst part was finding out that this other person was privy to stuff I though was personal between my husband and I.

[MonoVCPHG]

/\ This whole post! Nicely put

[thirstythirsty]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

You don't have to believe me..but you just met one person who is

Do believe you. Just don't quite grasp the concept, I guess. Not sure what you mean. But it'll probably just end up in splitting hairs, so I'll just go with believing you.

SNecail, that's probably the most sane view on the subject. Cheating, to me, implies lying and/or breaking rules & understandings. And another reminder to define your own rules. Write your own vows.
Someone once defined cheating as doing anything that you couldn't tell your spouce about. To me, that definition still has a lot of credit.

[Magdlyn]

The whole concept of loving your mono partner more than anyone else bugs me. While I was married, I loved my sister just as much as my husband. Later, I also loved my kids as much, and also had a large circle of platonic women friends who were almost as important to me as my husband. In some ways, my sister and gfs were more important to me, as they were more objective, less jealous. I could share things with them that, if I shared them with my husband, he'd be less understanding, or try to "fix" the problem.

In some instances, my husband would be jealous of my love for, and time spent with, my kids and friends. That was super annoying.