Old rules - giggle with me!

TruckerPete

New member
I was talking with Indigo the other week, and realized we had an old rule/guideline/boundary that hadn't officially been dismissed, but was kind of laughable at this point.

So, I'd like to hear about any rules you've had that now, seem a bit funny! Here's mine:

When we were "transitioning" from open to poly, we realized that we didn't want to be sexing up new people all the time, so a FWB arrangement was probably ideal. Then, we anticipated that we might develop feelings for these friends, and that was okay, but there was a "check" we needed to keep in mind. We called it the Burning Building* test. Basically, we were allowed to care about our OSO, but if the house was on fire and both OSO and SO were in it, and we could only rescue one of them, we'd better still be rescuing each other.

I'm not sure what the repercussions were for crossing this boundary, but there you have it! :p We recognized that we might feel emotion and that was okay, but failed to see that we couldn't control that emotion!

I asked Indigo ... "Um, we don't still have the burning building rule, do we?? It seems a little terrible to think of!" He looked at me, laughed and told me I'd better start lifting weights so I could carry him AND Mr. A.

He still maintains that he'll choose the TV in a burning building. :D


*If you have this guideline, I am in no way making fun of you. It's laughable given our situation.
 
In fairness it is a really nice TV and I said the xbox too plus I am certain the animals would escape on their own.
 
I asked Indigo ... "Um, we don't still have the burning building rule, do we?? It seems a little terrible to think of!" He looked at me, laughed and told me I'd better start lifting weights so I could carry him AND Mr. A.

He still maintains that he'll choose the TV in a burning building.
In fairness it is a really nice TV and I said the xbox too plus I am certain the animals would escape on their own.
So, Indigo, let me get this right. Is TP supposed to be training to carry Mr. A, you, the "really nice TV", AND the xbox?
TP: You better start worrying what Mr. A chooses to add!
 
We called it the Burning Building* test. Basically, we were allowed to care about our OSO, but if the house was on fire and both OSO and SO were in it, and we could only rescue one of them, we'd better still be rescuing each other.

Made my day! So morbid and funny at the same time.
 
I too am familiar with the concepts of rules and boundaries that no longer apply. I've gone from being uncomfortable with my bf touching his other gf in front of me to comfortably watching them kiss and snuggle. I've gone from being triggered while hearing about their sex life to curious and kind of turned on.

Basically, when my bf and I started out in this open relationship, I was very scared of being replaced. We kind of had an understanding that we were one another's primary partner. Now that he has another long term partner outside of our relationship and so do I, the concept of Primary/secondary has completely dissolved.
 
We only have 2 rules - don't give each other diseases and don't make each other miserable. Those two things aren't about to change in the foreseeable future.
 
This reply is to a theme in some of the posts, what could be called "value hierarchy" in relationships, i.e., primary, secondary, burning buildings....

I cannot do that. I will not do that. It simply doesn't work for me. And I don't need to be #1, and will not be a #2 in ranking value.
 
Well, we do primary/secondary, and are quite happy for it. If someone besides my husband ever tried to make me a co-primary, or their uber-babe or whatever, I couldn`t deal with that. But,..easy for us,..as we have no intentions of ever living together all poly-cubed.

I`ve actually been in that position with a ex. He thought of his wife of 20 years, live-in gf of 10 years, and me, all on the same level. That didn`t sit well with me at all. I couldnt offer anything more then being a tertiary type.



So,..the few boundaries we have, really aren`t boundaries, just natural ways of being. If Mr.Sour felt differently, I`d be a-ok with that.
I doubt I`ll change, as those thoughts weren`t made out of fear,..just logic.
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^^ Just chipped that in, for a different perspective. Not everyone does primary/secondary out of 'fear' of losing their partner. Just like not everyone wants it all 'equal' due to insecurities. ;)
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On to the actual topic : If I think wayyyyyy back though,..back to our first few ventures into a Open Relationship, we had some silly worries.

- If I left the room, he`d stop snuggling with the woman he was with. LOL I`d do the same. We had no 'rule' but somehow, at 26 yrs old, we felt we were being 'loyal' that way.

Hmmm,...what else,...

Oh. I didn`t kiss men. People would always say, "Ohh you have a no kissing rule ? Far to intimate ?'
I`d answer,.." No. I think most men are bad kissers. ' :eek:
Glad I kept experimenting,..hehehehe.
 
"Make sure that you remember you committed to me when you said those vows. That means you are responsible as much as I am for making sure money comes in, kid gets fed, we all are living healthy, content lives... to do that means that we have to be okay with each other."

Not so funny really and still valid, but just thought I would mention it. That is a hierarchy really, but not primary/secondary in terms of love for all my partners.
 
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Oh. I didn`t kiss men. People would always say, "Ohh you have a no kissing rule ? Far to intimate ?'
I`d answer,.." No. I think most men are bad kissers. ' :eek:
Glad I kept experimenting,..hehehehe.

I know! It's so depressing. I really don't kiss men a lot either. I don't know if that's just quitting in terms that they will never improve, but hey, it's my mouth and I decide who gets to slobber spit all over it.
 
In reading through this thread, I had an epiphany. We've never had much in the way of rules--safe sex with others the primary one--and I figured out why.

We understand that there are consequences for our behaviors. We understand that our partners are free to decide for themselves what they will and will not tolerate. We make our choices with the thought in mind that what we do can lead to our partner(s) choosing not to continue in the relationship. If we want to continue in the relationship, then we avoid choices that make continuance untenable for the other person.

In other words, I avoid doing anything that I suspect would alienate Curly and she offers me the same consideration, simply because we want to remain in this relationship.

That said, if she were to get horribly upset by a long list of things to where I couldn't engage in other relationships without a major load of hassle and/or drama, I'd likely walk on because that would make the relationship untenable for me. It's a balancing act, and I think a primary requirement is to find somebody who's essentially compatible in terms of relationship style and emotional maturity.
 
No other cock
I couldnt play without pengrah there and visa versa

My common line when we were picking up. I would have a give hitting on me, I would usually throw out the line (after I know they wanna play)

"I would love to fuck you, but you have fuck my wife too"

You would be surprised, that works. haha..

Other than that, the obvious ones, protection vs disease is a priority for us and who we are involved with.
 
Ok, rules...Ummm.....Well....L and I had the no kissing rule for a long time. In fact...it was about 10 years. No kissing anyone else. period....We tried it once at about the 4 or 5 year mark. It went poorly. There was MAJOR jealosy that ensued. Then, about 6 months ago, I formally dropped the rule for L. I wasn't so concerned with myself, but I felt that L had a desire to kiss her bf at the time. So I told her to go for it. It was HOT! I have never had an isue with her kissing anyone else.

Then, about 3 or 4 months ago, while we were in bed with our gf at the time, L told me to kiss our GF....while I was having sex with L. Interesting....So I did...and L says she found it SUPER hot! So....Bottom line, we have officially dropped the no kissing rule. It had it's time and place...and we matured beyond it. It was not a "laughable" rule....but it was, at the time, a necissary one. Now...it is not as necissary, so it has been dropped.

We still retain a couple rules though.
1) Protection if anyone else is involved.
2) we acompany each other on 1st dates. This is for a couple reasons. 1st, so that the potential bf or gf understands that the person they are seeing is married, but that the spouse is "ok" with them dating and getting intimate. 2nd is for safety. Mainly of L, but eh...I guess if I were to be "molested" by some woman (note the sarcasm and humor here please) I would appreciate L helping. LMAO! :D
3) No "overnighter's" until the other person is comfortable with the new bf or gf.
4) said GF or BF needs to be friends (at a minimum) with the other person.

So those are our "rules". Some may seem laughable to you, but for us, curently, they are necissary.
 
So those are our "rules". Some may seem laughable to you, but for us, curently, they are necissary.

You know TL this would be a good topic for a new thread, if you desired. I know I don`t feel other peoples rules, boundaries, etc, are 'silly'. Nor do I think one set of rules somehow is right, and superior to anothers.

I see it much like growing a garden.( dorky analogy, please follow.).... We are all growing different parts of our relationships, at different times and in different places. Much like a garden that needs various aspects of care, depending on what you have planted that year.

Sure there are extremes, where people get a little overkill, or let fear rule them. For the most part, I see no shame in people looking after their relationships, the best way they know how. Mr. Sour and I, usually find ourselves relating to people with more rules then us. I`ve rarely judged them on it.
 
Here's the important part of the OP:

"So, I'd like to hear about any rules you've had that now, seem a bit funny!"

The only standard offered for judging rules silly is rules that posters have personally had in the past and now find it silly that they ever thought they needed them. This is for each poster to decided for his or her self. There is no judgement of other peoples' rules being offered.
 
Here's the important part of the OP:

"So, I'd like to hear about any rules you've had that now, seem a bit funny!"

The only standard offered for judging rules silly is rules that posters have personally had in the past and now find it silly that they ever thought they needed them. This is for each poster to decided for his or her self. There is no judgement of other peoples' rules being offered.

Thank you! :)
 
Here's the important part of the OP:

"So, I'd like to hear about any rules you've had that now, seem a bit funny!"

The only standard offered for judging rules silly is rules that posters have personally had in the past and now find it silly that they ever thought they needed them. This is for each poster to decided for his or her self. There is no judgement of other peoples' rules being offered.

Exactly. Which is why I said it would be great for a new thread. I don`t think either TL or I complained about the OP.

I myself, was definitely responding to what TL said.

That`s still allowed, yes ?
 
I was not complaining at all. Sorry if it sounded that way.
 
I for one have been enjoying reading about people's journeys - what rules or guidelines they had starting out and how things evolved. Since I'm new to all this, it's rather reassuring.
 
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