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Old 08-12-2018, 12:52 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,675

VintageLover and I texted for about half an hour. He said he and his gf both had issues with the practice of "talking to the exes."

I guess I am his ex... I'd noticed when I'd text him and show him pix of my newest thrifting finds, his responses were becoming more brief, he didn't show me anything he got, he didn't talk of anything else going on in his life. So I was ready for this type of goodbye.

As far as I know, he's living with his real ex, his lying gf of 3 years, until Sept 1. So why it makes such a huge difference that he and I chat only as friends, I don't know. His new gf must be extremely territorial. He also seems to have concerns she is talking to her ex(es)? She's got a kid from her former h. Is she talking to him "too much?" I don't know the answers to this, I didn't ask.

I warned him that he shouldn't be twisting himself into a pretzel to get along with his gf (3 months together at this point). He assured me he isn't, she's great. I said it takes time for NRE happy hormones to settle into trust and real love. But he seems to think they have trust and real love already. Hm.

How much trust do they have if they are both anxious about the other "talking to exes?" I don't know, and it's not my business.

I still think he's being too trusting with no reason to be. Maybe he's confusing trust with fear. And settling for someone that really isn't what he claims to want (since he doesn't want kids). And in rebound mode to boot.

He didn't speak to the kid aspect, but claimed to not be in rebound, since he'd been broken up and dating "for months" before committing to his new gf.

But he was so sweet to me. Kept telling me to "take care." Finally I said, you told me to take care 4 times. I guess you really want me to be safe. He said, i guess I'm just a really nice guy. And I finally didn't respond to that.

He is too nice. It sounds like he's a people pleaser. He hated to let me down, I could tell. I could tell he really likes me. But she's got her hooks into him.

He is 37. At my age now, I see 30somethings as goofy adolescents. I feel one really doesn't accept and know oneself until 40-50ish. And often it's women who accept and love and respect themselves at that age, and stop overextending themselves to others, and stop taking shit from people.

Men in general are often grown children with no self knowledge. Stay that way all their lives. Our culture doesn't encourage introspection for men. Some men gain wisdom, but others never do.

I told VintageLover I'd be here if and when it didn't work out with his new gf. I can't help but like the guy. He's kind and respectful. Maybe too optimistic and with jealousy issues. But i think we could have had a good thing if I'd only met him first.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 63), dating... again!
Pixi (poly, F, 41) my darling nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 37), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013
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Old Yesterday, 04:47 PM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: NY
Posts: 224

hi Magdlyn,

I actually read through your entire journal. Sometimes I find it interesting to see how people's journeys progress, so thank you for sharing yours!

I was particularly interested in your comments about OKC- do you really have that poor of experience when you are the one contacting potential partners? I tend to find if I wait for people to message me that I get mostly stupid messages, while if someone responds to mine we usually develop at least a fun and respectful dialogue. My last two serious relationships were both from OKC (including my husband!) and I messaged both of them first, and now I have a live one on the line I'm hoping will go somewhere.

Admittedly, I don't switch, but I don't exclude the possibility of dating vanilla men, so they're not strictly submissive either. But I guess I haven't run into men I'd describe weak or whatnot- I forget what word you used.

I don't know if that's something you might want to have a discussion about or if this is an inappropriate place to do so, but I'm curious about your experiences!
Me: 35 yrs, poly pansexual Dominant female.
My People:
Henry, 31yrs, my husband & collared submissive (4yrs).
Charles, 26yrs, potential new partner.
Kiddo, my 8 year old son
Mark/xH, my exhusband of ten years, finally divorced.
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