MrFarFromRight
Banned
When a couple have a problem, then it's their problem and - if they love each other - should work on it together. But this reply only shores up my original take that he has problems of his own that are independent of you. And yet he's shoving a lot of his frustration and anger onto you. And blaming you. (For being more well-balanced / happy in the relationship than he? This might be closer to the mark than the weight gain.)I don't really know why he struggles to have an orgasm... At first he blamed it on some weight gain on my part, then he told me this has been happening since right after we got married and I hadn't gained weight then. Now its just REALLY bad and hes saying that he doesn't actually think it has anything to do with me.
I'm honest horrified of what a counsler is going to say.
Side question: Did your weight gain have anything to do with marital strife? I mean did the strife lead to "compensation eating" and therefore weight gain? But you may also answer in the other direction as well: Did the weight gain lead to more fighting?
If you "don't really know why he struggles to have an orgasm", I suggest that you write down all 4 of my suggestions, add any more that occur to you and your husband (including the weight-gain theory), and take them along to your counselling session. Important: Do NOT take anything off the list that either he, you, or both of you strenuously denies/deny as being even a faint possibility. It is a well known fact that we often most adamantly deny the very option that's true. It's not going to hurt if you include BS on the list, and it might hurt if you exclude something that smells like BS.
Don't be "horrified of what a counsellor is going to say". If you choose a good one (s)he should use tact, but get to the heart of the matter. That might take time. And the road to a completely healthy relationship might take even longer. This is going to depend - I think - on how willing and able your husband is to working on himself. (You're going to have to work, too. But - as I've said - the main problem seems to be his.)
A counsellor is there to help, not to criticise or pass judgement and/or sentence.
Take heart! You deserve for things to improve.
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