I've never been involved in swinging or the like, but this all sounds very odd to me; this access to each other's personal phones, conversations, even houses a partner shares with another (that you're not involved with romantically).
There are lots of areas here that I would personally consider hard limits/deal-breakers, should a line be crossed. It's no wonder there is upset and confusion over who potentially has access to highly personal correspondence and whatnot, and under what circumstances it's "acceptable" to access those things.
You three EACH need to decide what you find an acceptable level of sharing and/or a breach of privacy, draw some boundaries and enforce these before this all blows up in your faces.
Personally, I've never picked up ANY of my partners' phones - past or present - and read their private messages, even when/if I suspected they were cheating. I've never read my children's private messages, even when they were underage and I demanded their facebook passwords and the like (for safety reasons). When I stayed with Jester last year, he would leave his computer screen and social media sites open, and I didn't feel the need to snoop, though of course I felt a certain degree of curiosity.
Yes, I realise different people have differing requirements for privacy... and although I don't understand it, I can imagine that there could be SOME situations in which sharing raunchy sexts and the like could be part of the relationship - but ONLY with the third (or fourth) party's full knowledge and agreement! If this were me, I'd be changing my passwords and revoking access to anything private, if I could not be sure that my messages, texts and other personal correspondence would not be shared without my permission.
There are lots of areas here that I would personally consider hard limits/deal-breakers, should a line be crossed. It's no wonder there is upset and confusion over who potentially has access to highly personal correspondence and whatnot, and under what circumstances it's "acceptable" to access those things.
You three EACH need to decide what you find an acceptable level of sharing and/or a breach of privacy, draw some boundaries and enforce these before this all blows up in your faces.
Personally, I've never picked up ANY of my partners' phones - past or present - and read their private messages, even when/if I suspected they were cheating. I've never read my children's private messages, even when they were underage and I demanded their facebook passwords and the like (for safety reasons). When I stayed with Jester last year, he would leave his computer screen and social media sites open, and I didn't feel the need to snoop, though of course I felt a certain degree of curiosity.
Yes, I realise different people have differing requirements for privacy... and although I don't understand it, I can imagine that there could be SOME situations in which sharing raunchy sexts and the like could be part of the relationship - but ONLY with the third (or fourth) party's full knowledge and agreement! If this were me, I'd be changing my passwords and revoking access to anything private, if I could not be sure that my messages, texts and other personal correspondence would not be shared without my permission.