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Old 03-07-2013, 04:25 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 7,005

Well, there are just so many ways it can go. I am glad you're not needing to sneak around to meet your sexual needs now. I'd say, enjoy your current gf until you and your wife are back together full time. Then you can start looking for another partner. Some people like ok cupid, some like other more traditional ways of dating.

The women you meet may not be single! If they are poly, perhaps they are already partnered. You and your gf to be might both be each others' secondary, in other words. This can still be quite satisfactory.

You don't really need to "set things up." Keep an open mind. Try not to be too attached to a perfect scenario at first. Just enjoy meeting people. Hopefully you'll find someone eventually that gets along with your wife, and is at least interested in hanging out sometimes, dinners, TV watching together, if not more.

Personally, I had 3 years of kissing frogs before I met Ginger, who wants that sort of "family feeling." I guess I dated or had relationships with 30 men! Many never got past a first, second or third date... a few r/ships lasted 7 mos to 2 years.

I know I am lucky to have even found 30 guys to go on a first date with. I've got a terrific okc profile and lots of good pix, so I do get looked at and contacted quite a bit. Not as much as a 20 something woman would, but not too shabby.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 63)
Pixi (poly, F, 41) my nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 37), Pixi's bf since April 2013
BigGuy (poly, M, married, 43, dating me since June 2018)
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Old 03-07-2013, 04:42 PM
Ceraste1 Ceraste1 is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 6

Where I live is rather a small community that i have lived in for the past 20ish years. I know litterally everyone. Dating for me will always have to be rather discrete no matter how I skin the cat and wind up with someone. My gf now is ok with how things are. I dont have a public life with her. She really is a amazing person to be near and I always look forward to seeing her again and not just for sex. I am not looking. I am happy to have her in my life and things feel normal for me as they can be given the situation. This is the first time I have ever been distanced from my wife and not had it be for my work reasons. Lots of things are new and our communication is better then I could have imagined. She knows who I am seeing but have never met her. Hard to say where that will be for the future.

I am rather lucky I guess that I have the wife that I do. When she first approached me on this lifestyle before the divorce I just didnt think it would be possible to live this way. I had my "life" outside my marriage and it stressed me out and I always felt like I couldnt give enough to either end and one was always left suffering for more. I hope that being this open about things and some understanding that we both can get what we need from life and I can maintain another partner that feels like they are satisfied as well. Sounds like a crazy balance to achieve.
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Old 03-07-2013, 11:22 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 17,001

Well let us know of any questions that come up, but it sounds like you'll get things worked out okay.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 03-16-2013, 04:36 AM
LastLion290 LastLion290 is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Michigan
Posts: 5

I'm actually really pleased to see both of you on the forums; I sympathize with the situation as I'm in a similar one. My wife and my sex drives don't seem to match up often either, I'm usually the one less interested in sex and more in the courtly romantics while my wife's been able to forge an emotional connection with someone and nearly bed them the same night.

It's wonderful to see you both and I hope the forums do good for you.
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