Imagine your ideal relationships.

Even if it's just a description of the relationship you're in now. Try to imagine and articulate what would be nirvana for you. For fun.

my perfect world would be my husband, myself and another woman that we would live together sharing each others lives, that we loved, respected, and protected each other, simple and honest
 
Absolute nirvana with full recognition that it'll probably not be possible? I'd like to be in a relationship with my husband and his brother, to be able to watch tv together and snuggle up to both of them, and have a child to each and we all share parenting equally. :eek:
 
In reviewing this thread, I discovered that I never posted my ideal poly situation here, though I know I've done it in other threads.

Basically, being a solo polyamorist, I like my independence and do not want to cohabit with anyone else. I enjoy living on my own and being "my own primary," as they say. A "poly tribe," communal living arrangement, or living with children is not for me. Thus, for me, keeping my relationships separate works well. I don't feel the need for any of my lovers to be friends with each other or socialize together. If it happens amicably, great, but I wouldn't try to steer things that way.

I would date partnered poly guys as long as they practiced sane and sensible egalitarian poly. Since that kind of guy seems to be few and far between, I'd probably wind up dating single men.

My ideal would be to have four long-term lover-friends. Ideally, I would see two of them once or twice a week (each). Those two would be more involved and familiar with my day-to-day life. They could stay over at my place or I could stay over at their places. The third one I would see less frequently - maybe once a month, though we'd be in fairly regular contact in between. And the fourth lover would be someone I see very infrequently, maybe two to four times a year, perhaps because of distance, for a sexy rendezvous, adventure trip, exploring other cities, things like that. I don't know why it's the frequency I fantasize about as part of my ideal.
 
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Not sure i fully understand you raven, but i think my ideal is just very unlikely to happen. Not only do i have to convince my mono husband to tolerate poly, we then have the fraternal thing to overcome, then i dont know uf my brother in law likes me romantically or could reconcile himself to poly, and assuming all that does happen we'd have the legal and social minefield to negotiate if i did bear him a child and im not sure we could all cope with living under the same roof/open affection in front of each other? My nirvana is a loooooooooooooooong shot!
 
My nirvana is a loooooooooooooooong shot!
Aha -- but not impossible!! :D

My ideal would be to have four long-term lover-friends.
That was my life for years, & it was quite nice. Actually, my long-distance relationship was more a "best friend with benefits" sort of thing rather than wild sex or deep romance, & we'd often spend much of our time reviewing plans for expanding her business -- a different sort of intimacy.
 
Heh. Yeah. Me too. I was very surprised when I met my now husband, as was he, because we both had visions of lives of 'freedom'. I guess that's why 'the poly conversation' wasn't that difficult.

But now I do love having a primary relationship. The person that can live with me (burps, farts, sniffles and worse) and still want to £♡(# me.

I just wish my Sir had a little more time available. And travel around here wasn't so slow and expensive so I could visit my other friends more than once a year.
 
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Hm.

I like what I have got very much.

With regard to living situation, I'd be happier if Analyst lived closer...and one thing I think would be kind of cool, is if we could go in on one of the big old Victorians in the downtown and west side areas, the ones that are subdivided up into apartments already, and just all live there. I would love to kind of...almost live with my loves, but still have my own home space, to have apartment and city living, but in our own house where we didn't have to worry about muggles being alarmed by our noises... I think that would be neat.

Kind of a pipe dream though I think. Those places are profitable to their owners and rarely get sold. Families often keep them generation after generation and while one person might live there, the rest is income.

It's like...I like the security and the lowered housing costs / pooled resources of a cohabitation model of life, yet I really need space that is mine and mine alone. The only partner I have who would like to cohabitate, is also deathly allergic to cats, and I love my cat very much, consider him family, and would not want to give him up or see him expected to live confined in a room or something. It's an issue. Unfortunately. Wish it weren't.

Other stuff that would bring me more happiness and move my relationships more close to ideal...

Greater willingness of my quad to include my Sadist in social activities. To let him be part of our social group even if my other loves don't wish to be intimate with him. Reduction in some of the life logistic challenges each of us faces that impact our ability to be together sometimes (schedules etc) and more hours in the day and days in the week. I wish my financial situation were better so that I could afford to contribute more to the cost of the fun we can all do together.

And if I'm living in a complete fantasy land here, I wish my fling from last year who teasingly gets in touch but always flakes out, would STOP being so flaky and give me even a little bit of his time. Seeing him once or twice a month would be fine, as a FB/FWB sort of a casual thing. Having him actually get into my greater social life and be a partner would be even more fun.
 
My ideal has shifted. I used to want a big, happy poly family all under one roof or on one property with multiple homes.

Now I question my ability to share a home with another woman. Not completely out of the question, but I just don't know how I would handle it since I'm fairly set in my ways and enjoy having my own domain.

I guess my ideal at this point would still be everyone I care about (and the people my people care about) living in close proximity -either shared property or within walking distance - of one another. I'd love to share a home with Hubby and another partner of mine. I know Hubby is comfortable with this idea for the future.

I think Hubby wants kids, but I don't really want to have any of my own at this time. So, my ideal would include him having a second home with a partner who wants children as well. In theory, with the right person, I could share a home so he wouldn't have to split his time at all and the kids could have both/all (if I'm involved in a parental role) parents more accessible most times. I wouldn't mind coparenting, I just don't want to pass on my shitty genes. I also wouldn't be opposed to adoption, but I don't know that I will ever prioritize having kids enough to make that happen.

Being able to have the extended family network together for holidays, birthdays, occasional game nights, etc. is important to me in the long run.

thread bump reminded me that my ideal has changed yet again.

Hubby and I have a child together, I still don't think I'd be fully happy sharing a home with another woman, and I still am open to adoption. We kind of have the extended family feel with Boy and his housemates, which is amazing. I go back and forth on whether or not I would have want to live with Boy, but generally lean towards no since I get cranky with him when we spend too much time together (I love his sillyness normally, but when I'm trying to be serious about something and he's joking around... I want to throttle him). There are times that I fantasize about it, though, so who knows what the future will bring. It would be nice having more of a village to raise kids.

Ideally I would still expand the chosen family. Selfishly, I would love it if the guys were forever uninterested in dating but since that is unreasonable, I would like them to find women that enjoy group activities and that I enjoy having around (and that enjoys being around me). I know Hubby has no interest in ever being involved with someone that doesn't fit that and Boy seems to be beginning to value that as well. Mostly because he knows it's important to me, and he wants to make me happy. If it wasn't for that, I don't think he'd have a preference.

So, tl;dr - Probably not cohabiting with Boy, but living in close proximity. Boy and Hubby either remaining other partner-less or having partners that want to be part of the extended family. Continuing to spend holidays/birthdays/etc together. Everyone supporting little girl (and any future additions) so she (or they) is always surrounded by love.
 
My ideal situation would be much like it is now, except we all live closer together and I wouldn't be traveling so much. We wouldn't all have to interact together. No way would I want us all living together.
 
I have evolved (I think it's evolving) to the point where I would like someone who is in a happy relationship, but would embrace the idea of having another person in their lives. While the idea of a live-in is attractive in some ways I just don't think that it fits what I can offer in any good way.

While I don't think that a more casual relationship would work for me long-term, I would be open to the possibility, I think.
 
Although I think that any configuration could be fulfilling and gorgeous and I would never wanna limit myself or search for the *perfect* combo of relationships, I do have frequent similar daydreams about the type of relationships I'd want. I am also taking a pointed break from romantic relationships at the moment so the daydreams are all I have haha!

I consider myself to be solo poly and I think a lot at the moment about being a partner to a nested/primary F/F couple as well as having a couple of other partners, maybe one who is more on the blur between friend/fwb/partner and then another romantic partner (who is maybe solo/long/distance/but defo poly). All whilst still keeping my autonomy and living alone :) I think that would be ideal.

This was nice to think about, thanks!
solostar :)
 
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Hmm, still thinking about this. One or two or three friends with benefits, close by but not too close, or travelling often to where I am. Two or more of us entwined relationship-wise. And because this is my fantasy ideal, it would all be non hierarchical. :)
 
I have 2 and very very different from each other.

The first is how I wish it was now but I know that it's not realistic with having kids. The 2nd is just more of a fantasy.

1st: I wish that we (M.M. And I) lived in separate houses and completely dates separately but also each other. I love having my own space, my own house, my own time. There was a house right around the corner that was for rent and I joked that I should rent it and live there. But with kids that would be really hard. I work full time and he is the main caregiver so it wouldn't be right to have the kids live with me but where I live I would be judged as a bad mom if they lived with him most of the time.

2nd: I am not religious but I love the idea of more than one wife. I would love if we had another wife in our mix. She would be equal to me and even have children with him if she wishes. Back in the day my friends who where girls would go everywhere with us. I loved it. I never wanted it to be awkward so I would never hold hands or kiss my husband when we did things together and so from the outside you could never tell who he was with. It was like a triad but without the sex. They had fun together and I had fun with her and all 3 of us had fun. They even starting working out on their own in the mornings without me. It was great. If I could go back to that and if sex was involved the better (not with her but someone I was attracted to)

But neither of us are actively looking for either one so its really just a wish.
 
"What Do You Want?" He Asked...

"I want a big house with at least 3 incomes. Me, Alex, and my other significant other. I want everyone to have their own room. So, if it's me, Alex, the kids, Alex's partner, and my partner, that's at LEAST 6 bedrooms. Anyway, everyone bounces bedrooms. Like one night I want to spend it by myself, so I sleep in my own room. Or I want to spend it with my boyfriend, so I spend it in his room or he comes to my room, or with Alex or whatever! Lol. I want co-parenting and I want the kids, all of them, to grow up in a home where we foster acceptance and love and just being genuine.I want the stability of everyone working together to pay bills but other than bills and household expenses we all have our own money. I want to be as close to someone as I am with Alex. For example, I'm serious with a guy for a couple of years and we want kids, I want to be able to have kids with him! I want late nights cuddling on the couch with EVERYONE. I want game nights. I want awkward, weird double dates. I want my boyfriend to bring home a girl and be like "this is so in so that I told you about, we are getting kind of serious and I wanted her to meet my family." I just want.... love. Lots of love. Lol." I replied.

Sigh. The dream. Well, at least my dream. What is your dream? Are you living it?
 
I am living it. :) Each of my guys has their own bedroom, and office/private space. I don't have a bedroom, because I float from room to room each evening. Let me break it down by floor:

WarMan has the master suite, and shares the walk in closet with me, as well as his own private bathroom (except I use it as well.) The next bedroom on the top floor is actually his office, since he works from home. He has a small corner desk in there for me to come work on small projects. At the end of the hall is DarkKnight's bedroom, next to our daughter's bedroom (she's almost 19 and will be moving soon). They share the main bath on this level.

On the main level of the house is our shared kitchen, living room, dining room and half bath. We also have a large game room and deck. The table in there is 4' x 8', and we all use it for shared painting projects or crafts, or playing games. I have two desks flanking the fireplace that are mine, one for paying bills and one for house my craft stuffs.

Basement level has a separate office space for DarkKnight, since he works from home. He has a longer table extending from his desk, as well as a recliner in there for me, for when I want to hang out with him. PunkRock has his bedroom here as well, and the majority of the big open basement is PunkRock's painting table (he does commissions on miniatures) and then we have a wargaming table in the remaining space for everyone to use. There's a full bath on this floor, which anyone could use in a pinch, but for the most part it's PunkRock's.

This house is a rental, though, and when my daughter moves out we will be looking to purchase something similar.

We have game nights every other Thursday. :) Our finances are combined in differing ways - I spell it out in my journal, if you are interested. :)
 
All that said - I am thinking more about what I actually want, because as much as I LOVE this polyfi family-style kitchen-table poly, WarMan is not as comfortable in it as my husbands and I are, currently. We have been dating for almost a year, and he moved in quickly since my family and I are going to be relocating. He is used to being rather solitary, and the adjustment to living with a family has been difficult for him. He'd like a separate kitchen, I think. But even more than that, our relationship is not as strong and though I am currently his primary, I am questioning how healthy our relationship will be long term if we continue on as we are. We're currently in couples counseling, and I am really starting to break down what I REALLY want from a third.
 
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