Hi everyone, I'm new here and am still figuring myself out. A bit of history...
I have been with my current boyfriend for 3 years now, and we have plans to get married sometime in the next few years. I love him unconditionally and no matter what I want to be with him.
However... About 7 months ago I fell in love with another man. My boyfriend's new roommate nonetheless. I couldn't help it, it was love at first sight, which I didn't even believe in. I will call him CJ for the purposes of this post.
For months I have been trying to suppress my feelings for CJ, but him and my boyfriend have become best friends, and he now lives in the same building as me. I have told my boyfriend that I find CJ attractive, and he was not upset at all at me. He said as long as it doesn't affect our relationship, that it doesn't bother him. And that's just the thing... Falling in love with this other man has not affected my love for my boyfriend one bit. I love them both and I want them both.
Like I said earlier, they are best friends, and they often joke about being in love. I am a jealous person, and usually the thought of him being with someone else bothers me, but I actually think they would be great together, and would be totally supportive of it. But I also still want them both. I thought I was crazy for a while, but then I learned about polyamory and triads. Now I realize not only is there a word for what I have been longing for, but there is a whole community of people that are living that lifestyle. It gives me hope.
But now, I am faced with the challenge of finding a way to bring this up with both my boyfriend and CJ. They both identify as straight, so I worry they wouldn't feel comfortable in a triad, but I would probably still be happy in a V. I simply don't know how to bring it up with them, and I worry that my boyfriend will think I love him less, which is simply not true. I also worry that maybe CJ doesn't have any interest in me at all, and wouldn't want to be in any sort of relationship with me outside of friendship. We are friends, but we have never done any form of flirting because my relationship is currently monogamous and I want to honor that. I would never cheat on my boyfriend. So before anything moves forward, I need to have a discussion with him.
Does anyone have any advice for how I might bring this up with him, and tips for how to navigate this difficult conversation? Also, is there anyone out there in a triad that could tell me a little bit about how you got into one, and what that is like? I have never been in any sort of poly relationship, and I have no idea what to expect.
I have been with my current boyfriend for 3 years now, and we have plans to get married sometime in the next few years. I love him unconditionally and no matter what I want to be with him.
However... About 7 months ago I fell in love with another man. My boyfriend's new roommate nonetheless. I couldn't help it, it was love at first sight, which I didn't even believe in. I will call him CJ for the purposes of this post.
For months I have been trying to suppress my feelings for CJ, but him and my boyfriend have become best friends, and he now lives in the same building as me. I have told my boyfriend that I find CJ attractive, and he was not upset at all at me. He said as long as it doesn't affect our relationship, that it doesn't bother him. And that's just the thing... Falling in love with this other man has not affected my love for my boyfriend one bit. I love them both and I want them both.
Like I said earlier, they are best friends, and they often joke about being in love. I am a jealous person, and usually the thought of him being with someone else bothers me, but I actually think they would be great together, and would be totally supportive of it. But I also still want them both. I thought I was crazy for a while, but then I learned about polyamory and triads. Now I realize not only is there a word for what I have been longing for, but there is a whole community of people that are living that lifestyle. It gives me hope.
But now, I am faced with the challenge of finding a way to bring this up with both my boyfriend and CJ. They both identify as straight, so I worry they wouldn't feel comfortable in a triad, but I would probably still be happy in a V. I simply don't know how to bring it up with them, and I worry that my boyfriend will think I love him less, which is simply not true. I also worry that maybe CJ doesn't have any interest in me at all, and wouldn't want to be in any sort of relationship with me outside of friendship. We are friends, but we have never done any form of flirting because my relationship is currently monogamous and I want to honor that. I would never cheat on my boyfriend. So before anything moves forward, I need to have a discussion with him.
Does anyone have any advice for how I might bring this up with him, and tips for how to navigate this difficult conversation? Also, is there anyone out there in a triad that could tell me a little bit about how you got into one, and what that is like? I have never been in any sort of poly relationship, and I have no idea what to expect.
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