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  #11  
Old 04-18-2018, 11:14 AM
1234567 1234567 is offline
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It’s quite possible she started with reservations, as all relationships thatxare unconventional or stretchy do. NRE got her considering possibilities she never did- and that she is now getting cold feet. It sounds like she was considering you as coparents in good faith at one time, and now has decided that wonMr work.

The only thing you CAN do if you want to continue (which you might not) is to make being with you all for childrearing appealing. Making sure you have plenty of space for her to express needs and wants and go after them, even when it means uprooting change. Making sure that ideas and changes that she brings are welcomed. That things are on her terms as much as either of yours- and more than the old couple’s terms.

That there is room for her future kids’ needs - and that a future kid would be treasured and welcomed and cherished into your group and not secondary but as much a forming part of your identity as a group as your own were with you.

If you can’t offer that— she might be right in breaking up. Not that you two are unhealthy- but maybe not the ideal environment to be a parent and raise kids in.

If you can soul search and have no room for improvement there, then it was an experiment, but maybe one in good faith. All relationships are; ones involving existing relationships doubly so. There’s a lot of risk in joining something established rather than building from scratch. And probably in having someone join you.

I know I had fantasies of a big happy family when I was dating as a triad (I had 2 small kids.) We talked about it and tried to make it work- but in reality, the environment was entirely unsuitable to parent well in, and all the love in the world couldn’t have changed that. It was worth trying. And still a very happy time looking back. Worth doing. (But also- worth ending at the year mark, when most triads seem to end, when reality rears it’s head a bit.).

There is nothing like triad love. I think you’ll be glad you had this, even if it ends. All of us still look back at our days with nostalgia- and if you can see the complexity from her side, it might help the transition.
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  #12  
Old 04-19-2018, 07:32 AM
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endusal endusal is offline
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I couldn't have said it better than 1234567. I agree on all points.
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