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Old 09-10-2011, 02:21 PM
pieohpah pieohpah is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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Default I don't want to feel this way...

Hi all,

I'm a ts female and I've been involved with a M-F couple for nearly two years. It began as completely sexual but it has developed into a wonderful friendship over time.

We see each other two or three times a week and we enjoy spending time with all three of us together or one on one. We all get along so well and we have wonderful communication and trust, we take holidays together, dinners, or just being lazy on Sunday afternoon just watching tv together, just what most people do.

They don't see anybody else and neither do I but we are all allowed to see other people as long as we tell each other.

Over the few months I have started to develop feelings that I don't want to have and I am worried . I have never felt this way before as I have never experienced the love for two people at the same time. I know what it is to be in love and I know I have fallen in love with both of them. I want to spend more and more time with them and I imagine how my life will be with them in the future if we can all be together.

I want to tell them how I feel but I am scared that if I do and they don't feel the same way then what we have now will be ruined and I don't want that to happen. Their friendship means so much to me and I don't want to lose it because of my feelings. I don't really know what I should do. Should I keep quiet and let things develop by themselves or say something?

Thank you for reading.

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Old 09-10-2011, 05:24 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

Hey PoP,

I know *exactly* how you feel. I have unrequited feelings for my metamour, Eric. Just knowing how he felt helped me a lot, and I asked in a way that didn't make me too vulnerable. I just said, basically, "Y'know, with any other person I've been casually involved with for this long, we would have talked by now about our feelings, desires, interest in the future, that sort of thing. When I stopped to think about it, it struck me as funny that we haven't. So, tell me what you're thinking and feeling, where you picture this going.

He was kind but very clear and direct -- he didn't want a relationship. He kept it about him, not me, and he didn't ask how I felt in return (either he didn't want to know or it was obvious). It was a hard thing to hear, and I cried over it later, but it was much better to just know.

Since then we've stayed close... we maintained our sexual relationship (which is now on hold for different reasons), we've stayed friends, and we've gotten closer in some ways. I've spent a lot of energy trying to decide whether or not to tell him how I feel, but so far I've decided not to. Why put that out there when he's made it clear he's not interested in the same way?

My compromise has been not to hide my feelings in other ways, even if I don't say it out loud. I touch him lovingly, I help him with things, I let him know that I care about him. I'm not, like, all over him all the time or anything, but it's gotta be obvious that I at least have strong positive feelings for him. And I've discovered that I'm ok with that. It's not easy some of the time, but a lot of the time it is.

Of course, my situation is different because I have a mutually loving, acknowledged relationship with the other member of the couple, Gia. I think it might be quite different if I couldn't express my love for at least one of them.

Best of luck!!!
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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