Polyamory HOUSE - Would you live here?

What would you most like to see in the Polyamory House?


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I might have enjoyed this for a fixed amount of time when I was your age. Now, in my 40s, not so much. Living as a family unit with Blue and a metamour or two is appealing to me. (Think 4-5 adults max.)

My ex-h has a friend who lived communally for a year. In his case, the commune was in an old camp ground. Each couple had their own cabin, complete with bathroom and kitchen. The campground included an outdoor ampi-theater and a large mess hall for group activities. If I had to live communally, that's how I'd want to do it - shared spaces but everyone gets their own detached unit.
I like the idea of little cabins outside, costs would be low and everyone would get more fresh air :) I'm a bit of a tree hugger too! Ampi theatre too! Maybe we could have people come to visit so could rent some units out and have fewer permanant residents? This has got me thinking... Do you know where your friend lived? Even if not a poly commune I'd like to check it (or another like it) out. Thanks, Jill :)
 
This can all be managed and is not a concern of mine at all! I already do this and include all bills and make a profit, this community will be non profit if I do it myself so shouldn't be a problem if we mark up 10 or 20% to cover unforceen expenses.

The age bracket that could generally afford to pay into this scheme is an older crowd, in a different stage of life than the younger people to whom this imaginary mansion will appeal. Most people lose their fascination with communal living after they've gathered a good bit of actual experience with it. There's a reason home ownership is so universally sought after. This is not an investment many established, experienced people would make, no matter their commitment to a polyamorous way of life.

For myself, personally, this sounds like a nightmare. Living in an enormous home with 30 people who have been vetted for vague "desirable" qualities, are all having sexual relationships in various groupings and domestic responsibilities seen to by hired others? Sounds just like a frat house.
 
I agree with the above. Rather than one house, perhaps a small gated development with separate homes? People do like their privacy and distance, while also enjoying a sense of neighborhood and community when compatible neighbors can be found.

Or perhaps these could be more like vacation properties, where you show up when you wish for as long as you wish, and have the option of renting or leasing to other like-minded people when not in use.

But that does raise the resale issue, as there would have to be restrictions on buyers. Perhaps leasing the units would make more sense, while allowing sublets. Then the onus is on the owner to keep occupancy up, and they would also have more flexibility to sell the entire thing if it didn't work out long term.
 
The age bracket that could generally afford to pay into this scheme is an older crowd, in a different stage of life than the younger people to whom this imaginary mansion will appeal. Most people lose their fascination with communal living after they've gathered a good bit of actual experience with it. There's a reason home ownership is so universally sought after. This is not an investment many established, experienced people would make, no matter their commitment to a polyamorous way of life.

For myself, personally, this sounds like a nightmare. Living in an enormous home with 30 people who have been vetted for vague "desirable" qualities, are all having sexual relationships in various groupings and domestic responsibilities seen to by hired others? Sounds just like a frat house.
interesting that you say it will only appeal to older groups. There are also plenty of wealthy young people about especially since the rise of the internet! It would not be a frat house in any way shape or form!
 
There are also plenty of wealthy young people about especially since the rise of the internet!

Oh really, where? This statement does not coincide with news reports and forecasts on finances, earnings, incomes, the market, nor with studies done on young people in their 20s and 30s - generally they are seen as lacking ambition, and rather uninterested in stepping into leadership roles because they are too dependent on being heavily supervised and guided. That age bracket is having real problems finding work at a well-paying rate because employers know they can pay entry level young people less than an experienced person whose been at it for years. Plus, it's no secret that the economy has not improved much at all.

But if you mean young people who have inherited their wealth from parents or gained their wealth from some internet endeavor, how many of them do you really think want to be poly and share their wealth with 29 other people?
 
Oh really, where? This statement does not coincide with news reports and forecasts on finances, earnings, incomes, the market, nor with studies done on young people in their 20s and 30s - generally they are seen as lacking ambition, and rather uninterested in stepping into leadership roles because they are too dependent on being heavily supervised and guided. That age bracket is having real problems finding work at a well-paying rate because employers know they can pay entry level young people less than an experienced person whose been at it for years. Plus, it's no secret that the economy has not improved much at all.

But if you mean young people who have inherited their wealth from parents or gained their wealth from some internet endeavor, how many of them do you really think want to be poly and share their wealth with 29 other people?
No! I mean young people that have made their own money! Older people have the same problems when it comes to finding jobs, harder sometimes as younger people are deemed as far more employable and wont retire sooner. Your facts bear some truth but its not the full picture!
 
Maybe this is the product of being an only child, but I can barely stand living with people I love, let alone a bunch of random people. I'm an introvert, I tend to choose who I let into my inner life very carefully. I'm not the type to automatically make friends with my neighbors just because of physical proximity. Last time I did, it turned into a disaster, and now I'm wary to hang out in my own yard in case they decide to stick their heads over the fence and annoy me.

The only way this would appeal to me would be if rent/price was very inexpensive, more so than other living situations in the same area. And if the place were child-free.

I acknowledge that middle-aged female curmudgeons may not be your intended demographic :)
 
Maybe this is the product of being an only child, but I can barely stand living with people I love, let alone a bunch of random people. I'm an introvert, I tend to choose who I let into my inner life very carefully. I'm not the type to automatically make friends with my neighbors just because of physical proximity. Last time I did, it turned into a disaster, and now I'm wary to hang out in my own yard in case they decide to stick their heads over the fence and annoy me.

The only way this would appeal to me would be if rent/price was very inexpensive, more so than other living situations in the same area. And if the place were child-free.

I acknowledge that middle-aged female curmudgeons may not be your intended demographic :)
Hi, not sure yet about age demographic but it won't be super cheap I'm afraid. thanks for input! Jill
 
I have to admit that some degree of communal living appeals to me - but not the urban/suburban "mansion". I have a large property and am interested in "off-grid" living. I could definitely envision a scenario where our like-minded lovers and friends built their own dwellings on our property and we farmed communally with a central communal "clubhouse" (with pool) for group gatherings and pooled resources for major expenditures (wind-power, battery banks, solar panels, etc.).

The farm would operate as a business venture but each household would be independent. I think you would have to set it up so that if a household decides to leave they can only sell back to the "collective" (at fair market value) - which could interview new neighbors or rent the building for revenue.
 
I have to admit that some degree of communal living appeals to me - but not the urban/suburban "mansion". I have a large property and am interested in "off-grid" living. I could definitely envision a scenario where our like-minded lovers and friends built their own dwellings on our property and we farmed communally with a central communal "clubhouse" (with pool) for group gatherings and pooled resources for major expenditures (wind-power, battery banks, solar panels, etc.).

The farm would operate as a business venture but each household would be independent. I think you would have to set it up so that if a household decides to leave they can only sell back to the "collective" (at fair market value) - which could interview new neighbors or rent the building for revenue.

Wow, Jane, that's exactly the kind of thing that I envision as my ideal! My BFF and I have talked about doing the tiny houses thing, picturing a piece of land peppered with little houses and a central clubhouse with a big projector or screen for movie nights and a nice kitchen for family-style dinners. There would be a large patio with several tables, a garden, solar panels, a hot tub, and a pool. :) But I do think it's important for people to be able to have separate structures—no shared walls! Of course, we are not nearly in a financial state to make something like that happen right now, but I can dream!
 
Just my 2 cents worth, but I'd hate to live in a single communal structure like a giant house. Be it poly families only, mixed poly and mono families, or all mono families. It wouldn't matter to me.

A better idea, in my humble opinion, is: separate apartments or separate houses all on/in a singular complex, with a separate "event hall" or clubhouse (with attached kitchen) and a pool if desired (available to any resident and their guests).

Have it posted in the HOA bylaws (and in all the documentation that a prospective resident signs) that it is a poly community and harassment of polyfolk will be grounds for eviction. And, just to cover all the bases (and in conjunction with my philosophy of "I'm open to others doing what makes them happy, as long as it doesn't force anything directly on me"), I'd also include that, while not required, casual nudity (including unassisted male erections... hey... sometimes they DO just happen) is allowed in common areas or individual patios/yards as well as while in transit between any combination of the two.
 
Maybe this is the product of being an only child, but I can barely stand living with people I love, let alone a bunch of random people.

I love how you put that. I feel the same. I took it as a sign how when my now-husband and I first started dating and spent a week solid together, I didn't even want to kill him by the end of it. I usually want to kill anyone after 3 days straight.

10 days, it turns out. 10 days is how long I can spend with my husband before I want him to go back to work. People always ask us how our marriage can work when he's away 10 days out of every 14. I tell them, it's the only reason our marriage does work.
 
i have to admit that some degree of communal living appeals to me - but not the urban/suburban "mansion". I have a large property and am interested in "off-grid" living. I could definitely envision a scenario where our like-minded lovers and friends built their own dwellings on our property and we farmed communally with a central communal "clubhouse" (with pool) for group gatherings and pooled resources for major expenditures (wind-power, battery banks, solar panels, etc.).

The farm would operate as a business venture but each household would be independent. I think you would have to set it up so that if a household decides to leave they can only sell back to the "collective" (at fair market value) - which could interview new neighbors or rent the building for revenue.


this!!
 
The first Poly Pad Is Happening

Thanks to everyone who commented, lots of negative views on this too but I remain positive and still think it will work.

I have just got back from the UK and my boyfriend lives in Brighton, a cool place by the sea not far from London (south coast) it's very liberal and he's setting his apartment up for Polyamory residents to live with him.

Here's the link if interested.

http://polyamorousdefinition.com/polyamory-house-brighton-uk/
 
You're asking the applicants to have photos, filthy minds (your words, not mine) and few belongings. Curious just how stable this situation will be. I'd be interested to know how things look in five years or so.
 
Well not quite - he said it helps

You're asking the applicants to have photos, filthy minds (your words, not mine) and few belongings. Curious just how stable this situation will be. I'd be interested to know how things look in five years or so.

Paul wants to live with people that he and the other tenants are likely to gel with, he has a filthy mind so just putting it out there, it's not essential (maybe you should read that part again) and there is nothing wrong with it, I know him and he's also very sweet and incredibly kind.

It amazes me how as poly people we are constantly judged by society yet many Poly folk (a lot of which are on this forum I might add) are even worse at judging other poly folk... Live and let live!!! Or at least be constructive!
 
OK, my constructive advice is that if you're seriously looking to organize a STABLE situation, don't put a beach babe on your web page, don't reference sex in every paragraph, don't ask for photos of applicants and do allow for more personal furnishings. People that don't bring stuff with them are by nature in a transient time of their lives. This looks like a big fantasy that is all about sex, which is fine, but it's not a set up for a stable poly situation. Again, I'll be very curious for you to prove me wrong and only a few years will reveal what really happens vs. what you're fantasizing about.

This whole thing is irksome to me because it's the typical idea of what "poly" is - a bunch of hot bisexuals romping in and out of bed, then moving on because "poly relationships never last." I think this kind of "promotion" gives poly a very bad rep.
 
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This whole thing is irksome to me because it's the typical idea of what "poly" is - a bunch of hot bisexuals romping in and out of bed, then moving on because "poly relationships never last." I think this kind of "promotion" gives poly a very bad rep.

My feelings exactly. It's the reason I rarely even use the word "polyamory/polyamorous" to describe my relationship, because people think it's all about everyone bedhopping together, and less of a "real" relationship.

Granted, I'm at a different point in life (mid-40s, divorced, kids) than the target audience.

That said, I can't get to the link at work (which is probably a good thing), but if you're looking for more transient folks to move in and out, you may get whacked by irritated neighbors who use zoning laws against you. Transience tends to lead to people not vesting in the proper care and maintenance of their home, and neighbors may be worried about this.
 
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