Wide Awake

As for Si, maybe she is an independent type and doesn't need as much connection per week? I am just guessing. If she is only bowing to Matt's requirements out of guilt, that wouldn't be such a good thing.

She is independent for the most part, but even the most independent person would ideally have qualms about such an arrangement. It seems like the said "primary" is dictating the secondary relationship, and I think that is what I keep going back to.
 
She will definitely have to be a secondary, and beholden to what the primary says. Only she can decide if she can live with that. And, she is free to date other people, even if she chooses not to be.

As for Matt, I think he stays with you because he values all the good times you two have had in the past, and has faith in the future. His faith may have taken some dings, but it is still there.
 
Well, it has been an amazing last weekend in the UK. We are heading for the airport in a bit. We decided to fly privately because it is an incredibly long trip, and we need to be comfortable.

I am bursting at the seams with happiness and joy. This weekend has been spectacular. I guess I will start with Friday. Our daughter had her going away sleepover. It was wild with that many children. They were well-mannered and well-behaved. Once they were in bed, I had Matt helping me put gift bags together. I made memory books for each girl. They are her ballet buddies, and they have all aged up together, so it took a while, but we got it done. We watched a movie, cuddled, and went to bed after that.

On Saturday, we cooked breakfast for the girls, and my friend's staff came by to set up for their spa day. It lasted about 2.5 hours. Manis/pedis, facials, hairstyling, and arm/leg massages. They even had pink "champagne." It was really Sprite with pink food colouring in the cutest glasses. They also got to keep the robes. I could not thank her and her staff enough for all of their hard work. The girls enjoyed themselves tremendously.

After that, we took the girls shopping, so that they could get clothes for their fashion show/photo shoot. In true VIP style, they arranged for a pink limo to pick them up. Shopping with the girls was a blast. I believe every little girl should feel beautiful. Once we finished shopping, it was time to eat. The girls chose Giraffe, which is a really good restaurant. We let them order for themselves. When lunch was done, we were taken around London. They were listening to music, taking pictures, and talking. We made it back home around 2. The parents watched the fashion show and shoot. After that, it was time for them to say good-bye and give them the gift bags. I had the most interesting conversation with my princess before her nap. I am glad that she got to say good-bye to her friends. It seems small, but it meant the world to her. All of the parents are in agreement to let them talk via Skype, send letters, and even visit during holidays. A great group of parents and girls all around, so I would say it was a raving success. :D

We had to get ready for the grown-up going away soiree. We were not told any details other than an address and the attire. We were under the impression it was just a dinner. It was about 45 minutes outside of London. When we pulled up, it was little more than that. My parents hired a marquee. It was lit up like a Christmas tree. The marquee was beautifully designed and lit up in hues of blues and purples. My mum knows I prefer clean and elegant looks, so the chosen floral arrangements were white orchids and roses. The DJ was one of our closest friends.There was so much food. We had a formal five course sit down dinner, followed by dancing, and a huge fireworks show at midnight.

There were hundreds of people at our party. Every one from Si's parents to former co-workers to professors to relatives to friends from all stages of our lives. I have never hugged so many people in my life. We loved all of the speeches, and it warmed our hearts to know that we will be missed. The best speech was from my daddy. He told me how proud he was to be my father and how proud of me he was. That meant the world to me. I was always one of those people who wanted to make their parents proud, and now that I know I have, it makes me feel all the more secure and confident in the decision to move. Matt's speech made everyone laugh. I made everyone cry.

My mum and dad treated the guests to ice cream, a candy bar, candy floss, and at the end, mini sliders, fries, and milkshakes for the guests to take home. When the fireworks were going off, "Forever Young," by Jay-Z featuring Mr. Hudson was the last song that played. We were surrounded by our closest friends and family members. Tears were flowing. Champagne corks were being popped. We were singing. Those moments were emotionally charged and unforgettable.

Every person there has helped me and/or us on our journeys. Admittedly, I was overindulged and spoiled rotten. Matt said last night, "i had a five year plan to rid Ry of her spoiled nature, and I broke her." I am no longer the epitome of a baby who was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. I am an independent woman, and I can stand on my own two feet. I have matured from a girl to a young a woman to a grown woman. I am no longer that bright-eyed student with a list of dreams and goals. I can now be a teacher because I have accomplished those dreams and goals. I am no longer that love-crazy teenager. I am a married woman, who is devoted to my husband and bravely venturing into the unknown with him.

Matt and I left after the fireworks. The party was still in full swing and continued until after sunrise. We decided to spend our last night in our home alone. Our children stayed with my parents. We chose to do this because our home is where it all began. This is the first home we bought together. This is the first home our children lived in. This is the place where we created some of the happiest memories in our lives. We reminisced, talked about the future, and enjoyed the entire night. It was easily one of the best nights in our marriage. We established intimacy and not just in a physical way. We remembered the way it was when we first fell in love. Free, beautiful, and just open. No expectations. No promises. Just love. I felt like that again last night. When he kissed me, he took away my breath. I felt his love inside of me and surrounding me. I fell asleep in his arms, and at that moment, there was nowhere else I wanted to be.

We woke up this morning, had a cosy breakfast for two, and my parents brought our children home. By then, it was time to set up for our son's first birthday party. My baby turned one today. He is growing so fast, and the best job I have ever had in my life has been motherhood. The love I feel for my children is unlike any love I have ever known. His party was relaxed and just really fun. It only felt right to have his first birthday at home.

We stayed at home all day. Everything has been shipped or is already there in storage with the removals agency. We were left with a few personal items which we are taking with us tonight. Our home has been cleaned, and it is time to do one last walk through and leave for the airport. I am going to try not to cry.

I hope everyone has an amazing week. With 18.5 hours of flying, 9 time zones, sleeping off the jet-lag, and moving in, I will not have much time to be on here.

Off to begin a whole new book in this life. :)
 
Best wishes to you in your new chapter in life.
 
Sounds like a beautiful night. :) Best wishes for the next chapter in your story.
 
Ch-ch-changes

Good morning!

I am still not quite acclimated to the time difference, yet. In my corner of the world, it is Friday morning. I am still trying to wrap my brain around that. My brain is still thinking I should be on BST.

The past few days have been nothing shy of perfect. We arrived in the small hours of Tuesday morning. It was about 2 AM. After travelling for over 18 hours, my only concern was everyone getting to the nearest bed. Fortunately, our children were sleep, and they stayed sleep until much later that morning. We checked into a suite for the night. I was not sleepy, but I was tired. When I finally did get to sleep, I managed to get a full night's rest and wake up fresh on the local time.

I dislike putting things off until the last minute, so I had a list of things to-do the first day. Number one on the list was moving in. Before we did that, we changed our licences over and registered our vehicles. We are already citizens. Matt by birth and me by application and subsequent ceremony. I am glad that was out of the way and done prior to moving.

It was a long process to move in. When we finally finished, it was late. Matt and I turned on the fireplace and poured a couple of glasses of wine. It is winter here, so the fire was a perfect touch. We both let out sighs of relief. It was quiet because everyone else was sleep. We cuddled. Sometimes words are not necessary. I left him downstairs, and I took the most relaxing bubble bath. We had a peaceful night of sleep. We woke up the following morning and watched the sunrise over the CBD from our terrace. We spent all of Wednesday with our children.

Yesterday was an interesting day. My mum-in-law called to see if I wanted to spend the day with her. It was a shock to my system, but I said, "Absolutely." Matt said that he had our children. He had made plans for them. My MIL and I got manis/pedis after I had breakfast with Matt and our children. After that, we enjoyed a nine-course teppanyaki lunch. We went antique shopping and found some really good deals. The rest of our time together was spent at high tea. We talked about the obvious elephant in the room. She apologised again for how she treated me in the past. I cannot say that I would not react the same if I knew someone was hurting my child. She admitted that recently she has researched polyamoury, read books on it, but it is still not something she can understand. That surprised me because I would have guessed that she was still being close minded and judgemental. It means a lot to me that she even did that much. I was honest with her and told her that I might get back in a relationship with her. Instead of taking the opportunity to rip me to shreds, she made a unique request. She wants to have lunch with me...and Si. She wants to talk to Si and give her a fighting chance. Could an apology be on the horizon? That would be an unexpected turn of events. Si has agreed to it, so we are doing it today on her lunch break. I hope there are no fireworks. Matt is the appointed fire extinguisher, so if it seems like the temperature is rising, he has agreed to put it out. I heard Matt ask her, "Are you going to behave?" She promised to leave the claws in and not attack.

I have seen Si this week. She came by Tuesday during her lunch break. We also worked out together yesterday morning. She has been working, so e-mail has been our best way of communicating. She is really enjoying her new job, new home, and the city as a whole. I am happy for her. So far there have been no issues with me seeing her. Namely because it is not infringing on our time as a family or our marriage. That seems to be key. Granted, we have not started our new jobs, yet, so we are spending way more time together. Matt starts on the 8th, and I start on the 15th. Our daughter starts school on the 16th. Working out with Si went unnoticed because every one in the house was sleep when I left and returned. I told Matt that I was with her. He was sleep, so it was not a big deal. I probably could have skipped out on telling him, but I am keeping up with our full disclosure agreement. He shrugged it off, and we continued with our morning. We even had a date that night. Dinner, a movie, and a venture to the casino. I even won $A1083. I decided not to keep it. I am donating it to the care fund for a local three year old, who is in remission. It is not much, but I hope it helps her and her family. I would love to donate more anonymously. :)

We have marital counselling later on this afternoon. It will be our first face-to-face session with her since we moved and since the initial meeting. I am looking forward to it. We did not have the poly related session this week. She asked if we could come in later, so the session could be extended to include the poly aspect. We mutually agreed, so as of this moment, it is happening. 120 minutes of counselling. We have a [reconnection] date after counselling. He made the plans, so I am not really sure what he has up his sleeve.

I hope the lunch with my MIL and Si goes well. I am praying that it is peaceful and relaxed. The past few days have been really wonderful. Please let it stay this way.

I am off to help with breakfast, squeeze a yoga/Pilates session in, and spend some one-on-one time with Matt. I hope everyone in the States is enjoying their holiday. Happy Independence Day!
 
Glad to hear things have gone well with moving in so far. That is quite a surprise that MIL is willing to meet up with Si.
 
Balance -- A Work in Progress

The lunch with my mum-in-law was uncomfortable. The tension was at an insurmountable high. My MIL is inquisitive and in her quest to understand poly and this situation in my life, she has been asking questions. She has talked to me. She has talked to Matt. She wanted to hear the other person's story. If one does not know her style, they will get offended. It is never her intent. Her delivery is raw, and she does not believe in biting her tongue. She is a bit much to handle. In not so many words, she asked Si what she could possibly get out of being third or fourth on the list of priorities? She asked her why she would settle for a fraction of a relationship with me? She asked what motivated her to try and be Matt's replacement? She also explained why she affectionately called her his visible replacement. She asked what she was thinking when she tried to play the role of a mother? She asked what gave her the right to change plans that had been in motion for months? She asked all the questions that had been burning her mind. Si had questions for her, too, and my MIL did not hold back. The only positive is that it ended after an hour. I do not see a healthy bond ever forming between the two of them.

I talked to Si about how the conversation with my MIL made her feel, and she said it hurt to listen to her responses. She said she felt even worse about how she conducted herself and treated Matt. I could tell the conversation was still weighing on her mind. She said that she was not surprised by anything she said, but it made her face herself and just what she had done. We also talked about why she agreed to Matt's terms. I respect her reasons. 1) She is independent and does not have to have someone there all the time. 2) She realises and accepts that things will have to change because the way that we were conducting our relationship ended up causing damage. 3) She does not feel like she would be in the right to impose her wants upon Matt, when she is partially to blame for how things are now. 4) She is determined not to trample all over his limitations again, and she believes his stipulations will keep her in line. There is no room for her to mess up, so for her, his stipulations are like a safety net. Si accepts that things would have to be different in order to work effectively. The only thing she was on the fence about was with not being out. As previously stated, Matt refuses to be out, and I am not fighting him on that. I tend to agree with him for a different set of reasons than his own. Is it like putting the genie back in the bottle? I suppose, but I am agreement to stay closeted. When we came out the first time, it hurt him more than it did for us. There was no positive in it for him.

DH and I had counselling on Friday evening. 75 minutes for couples counselling and then 45 minutes geared solely towards poly. We have definitely made progress in our marriage. Now the poly side...not so much. He is still uncomfortable with the idea. He does not trust my judgement or my ability to balance relationships with him and her.

Things are not exactly peachy keen right now. My DH is rather irritated with me. Matt, my mum-in-law, our children, and Nanny J spent the day at an amusement/leisure park, went to a drive-in cinema to see Despicable Me 2, and had dinner. Meanwhile, I was with my ex. The whole day. Well, from about 8:30 this morning to a little after 9. We had a heated debate. He is not here right now. He decided to go out--without me. I knew he was irritated, so I decided to give him space. Less than 24 hours prior, he had already said that I lacked the ability to balance my family life and a relationship with her. He was right.

I knew about these plans before we even moved, and honestly, I do wish I had been with them. I missed a hell of a day. Everything from boxing kangaroos to my little duckies feeding the animals to basic bonding with my family. I believe one of his problems with yesterday could be that at no point did I even offer to join them. I think I might have treated him like I have the past few years. Spending the whole day with her and texting him sporadically throughout the day. At one point, the texting just stopped. I guess he was tired of having a one-sided conversation with me. The sad part of it all is that we were not that busy. I just got all wrapped up in her and basically left him out in the cold. (Again.) Honestly, I could have met them at the drive-in or even for dinner, but I elected not to because I was with her. In his mind, the same thing is happening again. All it takes is one time to start a pattern. If yesterday would have been a test, I would have failed. I have not said anything to Si about this because it was my choice, and the last thing I want is to make her feel bad for wanting to see a familiar face or wanting to spend time with me. This has nothing to do with her. She was not holding me hostage.

All I can do now is give him space and let him come to me when he deems it necessary.
 
Sorry to hear about the setback. It seems to me that Matt is determined in his mind that your relationship with Si should not appear on his radar. That only works if your time with Si is limited to when Matt is at work, essentially. It seems to me like that is a difficult proposition, but Matt is indifferent if it is, and if it means you and Si never get to see each other well that's fine with Matt. I don't know if any of that will change in the future, but probably not for a long time if ever.
 
Sorry to hear about the setback. It seems to me that Matt is determined in his mind that your relationship with Si should not appear on his radar. That only works if your time with Si is limited to when Matt is at work, essentially. It seems to me like that is a difficult proposition, but Matt is indifferent if it is, and if it means you and Si never get to see each other well that's fine with Matt. I don't know if any of that will change in the future, but probably not for a long time if ever.

Ding ding ding. I can almost say with certainty that it will never change. It has been weeks shy of five months, and he has not budged. I am not expecting him to. I am not even pushing for poly to be part of our lives. We are not even back together, and I already see where it is causing rifts. That alone tells me that we are nowhere near the point of even discussing it being a reality. When he came strolling in about an hour ago, he was not in the mood to talk. I tried to talk to him. All he said was, "Same stuff. Different continent. Need I say more? Can I go to bed now?" Glad to know that is how he feels.
 
Not totally be a buzz kill, but all he said was "Sam stuff. Different continent." Isn't that pretty much accurate though? At this point he doesn't want to know or see anything about you and Si. Well, when he does, what he sees is that you choose her. You choose her over him. Over the kids, over family bonding. I love my boyfriend, and even if he was in town for only a week, if there was a day like that, at a park then dinner than a movie, I'd be with my kids and hubby. Boyfriend would understand, and hey I might even check with kids and hubby if boyfriend can join us for part of it. Maybe the movie, or dinner, or just for a bit at the park in the beginning and then the rest of the day for the family.

Now I get that Matt was probably not EVEN going to consider Si being there for part of the day, but what was so hard about spending a family day with family? I would be upset if positions were reversed too. I get it, Matt is a bad bad man. He no like poly! He no like Si. He no want to see it!

You mentioned that if that had been a test, you would have failed it. Sadly, it was a test. It may not have been set up as one, it wasn't intentional but when you are rebuilding trust and a relationship, all these little things are tests. He's upset because you not only failed, you epically failed. Why would he want to consider poly or Si in his life again when the choice always comes down to her? That's the way he is probably feeling and most likely quite a bit of disappointment.

So yes, bad Matt, no like poly. Has he had any reason to??
 
Not totally be a buzz kill, but all he said was "Same stuff. Different continent." Isn't that pretty much accurate though? At this point he doesn't want to know or see anything about you and Si. Well, when he does, what he sees is that you choose her. You choose her over him. Over the kids, over family bonding. I love my boyfriend, and even if he was in town for only a week, if there was a day like that, at a park then dinner than a movie, I'd be with my kids and hubby. Boyfriend would understand, and hey I might even check with kids and hubby if boyfriend can join us for part of it. Maybe the movie, or dinner, or just for a bit at the park in the beginning and then the rest of the day for the family.

It is accurate. I cannot even argue with that because I did slip back in to my old habits. I understand why he is upset. He has every right to be. I am sorry I missed it. It would not have killed me to join them at the movies or dinner. I left home after breakfast, and when I did get back, they were getting ready for bed. I missed an entire day of bonding, so yes, he should be pissed.

Now I get that Matt was probably not EVEN going to consider Si being there for part of the day, but what was so hard about spending a family day with family? I would be upset if positions were reversed too. I get it, Matt is a bad bad man. He no like poly! He no like Si. He no want to see it!

No, he did not want her there. He is not bad. He does not trust her or particularly care to be around her. He desperately needs a break without her being part of his/our world. He does not want her around our children. Period. There was nothing hard about it. My child is going to school in a bit over a week, and this is the first time I have had uninterrupted time to be with them. No work phone going off. No off the wall hours. No trying to catch a nap in my free time. Instead of taking advantage of this time, I chose to spend the time with my ex. I see why I do not trust my own judgement. My children's nanny had the day off, and she was with them, too. So yes. What he sees when he does give me the chance to prove that things will be different is that I have not changed at all, and I am falling in to the same habits once again. I keep proving him right and making him feel like the vicious cycle is about to hit repeat.

You mentioned that if that had been a test, you would have failed it. Sadly, it was a test. It may not have been set up as one, it wasn't intentional but when you are rebuilding trust and a relationship, all these little things are tests. He's upset because you not only failed, you epically failed. Why would he want to consider poly or Si in his life again when the choice always comes down to her? That's the way he is probably feeling and most likely quite a bit of disappointment.

I epically failed and then some. Our therapist just warned me about this, and I failed the first test.

So yes, bad Matt, no like poly. Has he had any reason to??

He has every reason not to like it and want no part of it. He has every right to not like something that brings negativity and ill feelings. He has no reason to like it. There is nothing in it for him. There are no benefits. It always comes down to him or her--usually with her being the chosen one. It always amounts to a massive disappointment.
 
Our therapist posed something upon me that I wanted to expand on in a separate post. It made me think. Actually, I am still thinking. She asked me, "Is it possible that you love your husband more than her? Everything you both have described seems like you were trying to compensate for something that was missing in your relationship with her." She did not want me to answer it out loud, but she did interject a different perspective that was needed.

For the record, I have never believed in quantifying love, but I have also never believed that you can love two entirely different people "equally." Love is supposed to be love, but do I feel more connected to him? Yes. Do I feel a stronger bond with him? Yes. Which relationship did I choose to fight for? The marriage with him. I love them differently, but is it possible that I love my DH more than I love her? The thought has crossed my mind, but I dispelled that notion because it was just ludicrous. Love is love...right?

The way she broke it down was: Matt and I are married. My ex and I will never be able to do that--unless I divorce him and marry her. I am not doing that. She does not believe in marriage any way. Matt and I have children. Biologically, the two of us cannot procreate. Her opinion is that my subconscious reaction to that reality was to grant her parental rights, a deciding vote/veto power (no pitting one parent against the other with a neutral party involved), and the available time had to split amongst three parents. Matt and I shared a residence. I was not willing to live with him half of the time and her half of the time. I wanted to give my children stability in one place, and Matt would have fought to the death if I dared to treat him like a part-time parent. We once tried cohabitation, but once we all realised that it would not work, it was time for something else. Plan B. Si started spending more time at our home via occasional overnight visits, dinner, and so on. She asked me if I ever considered that my DH had burned out from her? He was seeing her at work, and then, he would get off and see her that night and sometimes the following morning. (At some points, it was most of the week.) She also asked me, "At what point did you and your husband have time for your marriage if she was around and presumably needing or wanting your time? I understand that you were trying to spend an equal amount of time with them to level it out. It may have worked for you and her, but where did that leave him? Vying for your attention. He is still having to do now. You have to change." Her opinion is that I was trying to compensate for probably not loving her as much as him and for not being able to do all of the things I could do with him--with her. Our therapist's strong is opinion is that all of my past, present, and possibly future actions were and will be to balance things out and make them even, which was and will continue to be impossible because there is a veto from a key party; my DH.

Off the record, she gave it to me. If I do not change, he is going to leave me because no one always wants to be in a competition. She asked me if I ever wondered why the past several weeks have been blissful? I said, "She has not been a vital part of our lives, and our only focus was on healing our marriage and family." She also that if she were me, she would cut off all contact with Si because when I am with her, I forget all the progress that has been made and revert back to the strongholds of my old habits because they are comfortable. She described her as the forbidden apple in the Garden of Eden. "The look of the forbidden fruit may lure you in with temptation, but it will kill your marriage."

Matt and I talked a couple of hours ago. He was still pissed--with reason. He said, "You are doing the same things again. Choosing her over our children and our family. What was your excuse for not seeing us the whole day?" I said, "I do not have one." He laughed and said, "You just do not get it. I wish I would not have talked to her in May. Maybe she would still be in London and not here. We have not been here a week, and I wish she would go back." We agreed to take a breather and reconvene with cooler heads.

I am going to take her off the record advice and cut off all [physical] contact with my ex. I may continue to talk to her via e-mail and text, but by removing the physical/face-to-face aspect, it removes the pressure that Matt feels to be accommodating and accepting of something that continues to be a trigger for him. It eliminates the competitive aspect. Every setback we have experienced has involved her, and I was in denial. By limiting contact, I have to break free from what is comfortable and familiar like those strongholds. I have to step in to uncharted territory. As long as she is around as a potential love interest, no good will come from it. At this point, I believe this is for the best. I am open to suggestions, though.

I am off to bed. I am spending the whole week with my little duckies. Matt is going back to work tomorrow. We will be at everything from Disney on Ice to carnivals to museums to going to the park. I need to be well-rested because my children are going to keep me on my feet.
 
Why can't you just do what you know is right instead of repeatedly fucking up then saying "oh woe i am so bad and wrong. I must cut myself off from temptation. I must repent." then you do the SAME SAME SAME thing a week or two later. It's getting predictable and boring. I don't even check this blog or read every word of it but literally every time i do it's the same thing. You not following through with what you know is right and then feeling bad. Wah wah wah.


Do you have too much time, too much money, or what? I don't know how you people manage, i really don't.
 
Maybe you didnt want to spend a day with Matt's mom after she spent time asking Si difficult questions?


OTOH, maybe you're a privileged and spoiled little rich girl who wants all the candy. Your recount of the over the top party for your daughter (what 4 year old needs a full on spa day for her and several friends, AND shopping in a pink limo, AND lunch at a fancy restaurant, AND a fashion show AND shoot? Whatever happened to pizza, cake and ice cream at home with a few simple party games?)

And then you get your own party thrown by your parents, which exceeds the WEDDING parties of most people, just as a going away party.

It sounds like the lifestyle of a nouveau riche rapper that one would see on MTV.

Now I understand, you're on Matt's home turf. He's Australian! His critical mom is right there in your face! So, off you go to something that is yours, your gf, for an entire day. "Take THAT, MIL and Matt!"

Fucking things up with Matt all over again.

But never mind, you've got museums and zoos and shows coming up. $$$ will fix everything.
 
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FullofLove1052, I wonder if you might not be in a subconscious mourning phase for losing your relationship with Si? Every time you try to have a little of the old times with Si, there's Matt, afterwards, with his angry words and expressions, and you realize (again) that you can't have the life with Si that you used to. Si keeps getting pushed further and further onto the back burner. Now she will only have electronic contact with you (texts and that). It looks as if your relationship with Si is dying. I would expect you to be in a period of mourning about that.

I feel for all three of you in this situation. I can see how you would all three feel rejected, left out, etc. ... There must be some guilt at continually giving Si less and less of you. I share your sense of mourning in that sense. You are truly between a rock and a hard place.
 
Maybe you didnt want to spend a day with Matt's mom after she spent time asking Si difficult questions?


OTOH, maybe you're a privileged and spoiled little rich girl who wants all the candy. Your recount of the over the top party for your daughter (what 4 year old needs a full on spa day for her and several friends, AND shopping in a pink limo, AND lunch at a fancy restaurant, AND a fashion show AND shoot? Whatever happened to pizza, cake and ice cream at home with a few simple party games?)

And then you get your own party thrown by your parents, which exceeds the WEDDING parties of most people, just as a going away party.

It sounds like the lifestyle of a nouveau riche rapper that one would see on MTV.

Now I understand, you're on Matt's home turf. He's Australian! His critical mom is right there in your face! So, off you go to something that is yours, your gf, for an entire day. "Take THAT, MIL and Matt!"

Fucking things up with Matt all over again.

But never mind, you've got museums and zoos and shows coming up. $$$ will fix everything.

Wealth or poverty doesn't define emotions or ethics or the ability to suffer. However, I do think the OP wants to have her cake and eat it too, but that's most people. Just makes her a bit immature. Again, like most people. In this case after following this thread for a while, the patterns are clear and the reasons for all the repeated issues are as well. There's very little left to contemplate, except for re-looping the same comments and issues over and over. The OP gets the logic, but lacks conviction in what she wants to do. No mystery about why.
 
One thing that I don't think Matt understands in all of this is you can't just tell someone to stop loving someone else. Ry and Si's feelings for each other are real. They're not just going to magically go away because Matt doesn't want to share his wife any more.

Did anyone ever stop to think that maybe she needed a break from spending time with her husband; needed a bit of girl time away from him and his family? To suddenly go from living near her family to living thousands of miles away near his family is a huge change. I bet Matt would be happy if she didn't make any friends and spent her while life focused solely on him and the children, but that wouldn't be fair to Ry. She's worlds away from home, ofcourse she reached out to a friendly face. Yeah, she fell back into old habits, but I really don't believe that it's ever possible to put the poly genie back in the bottle. Once you've known multiple love, you can never go back to being mono, thinking mono, etc and for Ry, who has never been mono before, it has to be doubly hard to try to adjust. It's like asking a mono person to be poly. I really hope that you find a balance that works for everyone.
 
but I really don't believe that it's ever possible to put the poly genie back in the bottle. Once you've known multiple love, you can never go back to being mono, thinking mono, etc.

I've seen far too many people switch back from one to the other. It's certainly possible, because it happens. And a lot of folks never look back.

In this particular thread, obviously someone's going to crack, eventually. Probably Matt or the OP, based on how they handle conflict. Si just has to sit back and wait for it.
 
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