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Old 06-14-2017, 08:31 AM
kindasortablonde kindasortablonde is offline
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Default All about my new experiences!

Hey! I'm Bri, I'm from Texas and I'm pretty knew to this whole thing. But I'm also SO excited to learn more and meet new people!! For several years now the idea of getting involved with couples has been something that has really intrigued me. I have been dating single men for years and have yet to find someone that I really clicked with. Of course I had the terrible first dates... too many to count. And also a few good dates. Between Tinder, Bumble, and OkCupid it was overwhelming and tedious to try and weed through the never-ending fuckboys. I've always had a problem with being "too picky" when it came to men. I guess in my mind since I wasn't a perfect specimen of the human physique, I didn't deserve high standards. But for whatever reason, I never lowered them... I just chose to stick it out and the right guy would come along and we'd live happily ever after. But obvi we live in the real world, and that shit doesn't happen.

About a month ago I got bored one night and decided "hey, fuck it." and downloaded Feeld. I had heard about the app when it was originally called 3nder while listening to the podcast, "Bye Felipe". I loved this podcast because it was basically just women talking about their terrible terrible online dating experiences. It made me feel good to know other women were struggling as much as I was, not to mention it was just a hilarious show in general. Anywhoo, I digress. A few hours into using the app I began to discover there weren't many single women looking for couples. This worked in my favor a bit because then I was really able to keep those high standards that I had never lowered in the past. Since downloading Feeld I have been VERY lucky to have met a few different MF couples that have been simply wonderful. They had all had experience with MFF in the past and were really helpful and patient with me. The first couple I met said they had been in a relationship with a woman a few years ago, but she ended up getting a boyfriend and ended things with them. This made me a little nervous that they were hoping to start another relationship. Now, don't get me wrong... the idea is kind of exciting. Three people, all in love with each other. It just sounds like such a happy story, also too good to be true. I had yet to find ONE man to fall in love with and have them reciprocate, much less TWO people. I did discuss this with the couple and they explained when it happened last time, they weren't expecting it. Also that it wasn't what they were looking for this time, but if it happened they would be more than open to it. It was perfect, because this was my sentiment exactly.

In the past month I have had so many wonderful experiences with this new part of my life. I'm not totally open about it, only my roommate knows and she is hella supportive. We both have always been very sex-positive so it wasn't surprising to have that support. However, it was surprising to her when I got back from my first night over at a couple's house. I had told her earlier in the evening that I was going on a date and would be back later. Normally when either of us go on dates we give the guy's name, where we'll be going on the date and we send "I'm still alive" texts every so often. This time however, I wouldn't give her any information except "I'll tell you when I get back, I don't want to get into it now". Needless to say, she was concerned. I got back around 3am and she was still awake. I got the third degree, "so tell me about this boy". I responded, "well, it's not a boy"... she just looked at me with a surprised look on her face thinking I had just spent the evening with a girl (which is not something I had expressed interest in up to that point). I continued to tell her, "It was actually a couple." She stood there for a second with an EVEN MORE surprised look on her face, "oh. well, how was it?". no judgement, just surprise. It's nice to have someone to girl talk with about these dates. We often throw the term "unicorn" around and joke about how cute a term it is. Though, I'm quickly learning that some find it derogatory. I'll probably get to that point, but for now it's kind of funny.

I have still been going on dates with men in addition to the couples. I do have to admit, the couples are just WAY more fun to hangout with and have conversations. Maybe that reflects poorly on my one-on-one conversation skills... nah that can't be it. I have also discovered that I date the two very differently. I'm learning so much about myself through this experience that I want to meet more people in this lifestyle. I don't have anyone who understands the struggles (both emotionally and physically) that I have being the "third" in someone's bed. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE IT... but I'm a textbook over-thinker, and that never ends well. lol

I think I've gone on long-enough to bore everyone in this forum to death. I want to make new friends, so PLEASE feel free to reach out and introduce yourself to me!
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  #2  
Old 06-14-2017, 11:19 AM
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Shaya Shaya is offline
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Hi,

Welcome to the forums. I'm relatively new myself but I've found that the experienced members on this forum have a lot of wisdom.

You're right that the term unicorn has many negative connotations, but I find moat of these negatives are cast on the couple trying to find themselves a fucktoy maid. Most people in polyamory, when discussing unicorns, seem to be concerned with the possibility of couples taking advantage of their unicorn. Most people fear for the mental health of the unicorn.

But you seem really well balanced. Cluey even, to the usual problems. Good on you.

You've probably seen the proposed secondary bill of Rights from the morethantwo website. Other things you might find interesting include Nycindie's blog. From memory, she self identifies (identified?) as a unicorn? Someone will correct me if im wrong. Also, a search for unicorn on the forums may show others in similar situations to what you are in.

Good luck, welcome to the forums. I hope you find it useful and are able to give us some advice on things too.

Shaya.
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Old 06-14-2017, 01:54 PM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaya View Post
From memory, she self identifies (identified?) as a unicorn? Someone will correct me if im wrong.
Hello, I'm here to correct you. As far as I recall Nycindie (like me) considers herself to be solo poly, which is very non-unicornish.
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  #4  
Old 06-14-2017, 02:08 PM
Rockit49 Rockit49 is offline
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Default Welcome

Cool story .. Now what else.. Lol
Have fun.. Stay safe..!
Well, unless you signed the contract.. Then you know the details..
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  #5  
Old 06-14-2017, 02:34 PM
kindasortablonde kindasortablonde is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emm View Post
Hello, I'm here to correct you. As far as I recall Nycindie (like me) considers herself to be solo poly, which is very non-unicornish.
Could you explain what the difference is?
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  #6  
Old 06-14-2017, 02:58 PM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Solo poly: Doesn't have or want a nesting partner. Dates people, not relationships.

Unicorn: Willing to put up with being treated as a second class citizen and/or dirty little secret for the honour of being an unpaid live-in nanny for someone else's children.

Edit: Iím single, Iím polyamorous, and I donít want to be the third in your threesome

Last edited by Emm; 06-14-2017 at 03:09 PM.
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  #7  
Old 06-14-2017, 03:41 PM
dtrettel1 dtrettel1 is offline
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Thank you Emm. I also identify as solo poly. I don't want to be labeled a unicorn just because I'm a single woman. I date men who are both single and married.
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  #8  
Old 06-14-2017, 04:02 PM
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Al99 Al99 is offline
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Hi kindasortablonde - welcome to forum - and best of luck on your poly journey! I will leave the advice on this topic to the more experienced.

Al
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Dramatis Personae:
Me: Al99, poly, heterosexual male, 50's
Becky: married to Al99, poly, heterosexual female, late 30's
Bouncingbetty: ldr girlfriend to Al99, poly, pansexual female, early 30's
Ben: Becky's medium-ldr bf, heterosexual male, 40's
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My Introductory Post - An Unexpected Introduction to Poly.

Last edited by Al99; 06-14-2017 at 07:23 PM.
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  #9  
Old 06-14-2017, 09:05 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Greetings Bri,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you have a good relationship with this M/F couple; I am all for that and just wish you the best. Lots of MF couples are looking for a "third" and not giving much consideration to whom they're looking for, but it sounds to me like you and your couple are the exception to the rule. Carry on!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
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