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  #1  
Old 05-10-2016, 09:05 PM
Platospenpal Platospenpal is offline
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Default Long distance poly ...

Hi everyone,

I will soon be moving (for work and family reasons) to a new city where I know no-one. I will be leaving behind two relationships, and I would value some advice.

First, I have a relationship with a wonderful woman who I am very much into. We have only been together 6 months, but there is an undoubted connection. We have an open relationship - she is keen to explore her sexuality with others and is happy for me to too.

My other relationship also means a lot to me; she (like my primary ... ughh, I still hate that term ...) is also a strong, independent woman. She spent most of the last year travelling the world, and I fully expect her to go travelling the world again in a few months' time.

I am keen to keep both women in my life, but I have to acknowledge that they are going to be further from me, and I will see them less often. I am also keen to make new friends, and explore new possibilities in my new home.

In summary ... does anyone have any advice on how to maintain long distance poly relationships?
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Old 05-10-2016, 09:27 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi Platospenpal,

I don't have a lot of advice; I think long-distance relationships are just hard. The longer the distance, the harder the relationship. But from what I've heard, from people who have been in LDR's, probably the most crucial thing is communication: good, frequent, productive communication. Possibly Skype might be something to consider, though I have to say email is my preferred way of keeping in touch.

Hopefully that helps a little ...
Sincerely,
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Old 05-10-2016, 10:54 PM
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Search here, there's more than a few threads on this topic. And read up on LDRs in general poly and mono LDRs aren't that different!

We text a lot, email when needed, phone when we can and visit at every opportunity. The costs are prohibitive, so I got a good rewards card hooked to my airline-of-choice, and that helps.

I once arranged it so we could watch the same movie at the same time in different theatres (with my daughter, who was two time zones away), it was pretty cool. But you could do the same with Netflix now Reading the same books, or even reading to each other... Online games you play together. There's lots of ways to connect. Just think outside the box a bit
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Old 05-11-2016, 12:35 AM
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Those are some excellent ideas A2Poly.
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Old 05-11-2016, 12:10 PM
Platospenpal Platospenpal is offline
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Oh, that is very helpful - thank you both.

I particularly love the idea of watching the same thing on Netflix at the same time, perhaps even with Skype open. It's about dedicating time to a person, right? For me, whatsapp works really well for day-to-day contact.

I think one thing I am particularly concerned about is the enforced lack of physical contact between us. It is a very bonding thing for me and my primary to touch or hug, particularly after either of us has been with someone else for an evening, say. And I know I will miss that.

But I'll have a look through the forums here to see what others have done. :-)
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Old 05-11-2016, 07:23 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Just be direct and ask them each if they want to stay in touch and continue the relationship after you move. Let them know you would like to do that, but are not sure how it would happen or work. Ask for suggestions, see what they think would be possible. Work it out with them, if that is what each of them wants as well.

And if you don't like the terms "primary," "secondary," etc., don't use them. A hierarchy is not a requirement in poly, so if you don't think of one of your girlfriends as primary over the other, there is no need to call her that.

I've added some tags related to LDR's to your thread. Try clicking on them to find other threads related to the topic.
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Last edited by nycindie; 05-11-2016 at 07:27 PM.
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Old 05-12-2016, 08:05 AM
Platospenpal Platospenpal is offline
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Hi NYCyndie,

Thanks - good advice. And thanks for putting in the tags :-)

(also, it's a bit off topic, but I really enjoyed reading your "polyamory does not equal hierarchy" article - it summed up a lot of thoughts I've had but hadn't yet put into the right order, so to speak...)
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Old 05-12-2016, 12:11 PM
Norwegianpoly Norwegianpoly is offline
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I have been long distance with one of my partners almost 3 years. I have had the uppertunity to visit a lot, and that helped. But it also meant that I had to spend some time away from my other partner, and that was hard on him.

We try to make it so that at times, all thee of us are together.

We get stingy with money. All goes into travels or preparing to close the distance.

Skype and phone apps are our best friends.

I felt for some time that I lived in a aiport, like Tom Hanks in "the Terminal".

I belong to a long distance forum and they are also very helpful - and I push polyamory on them

We have a loose plan on how to close the distance, that also helps. I picture the three of us living in walking distance, eventually (or in the same house).
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Old 05-12-2016, 07:05 PM
jayblue122 jayblue122 is offline
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I find cam and phone sex helpful with maintaining intamcy while apart. It can be awkward or difficult at first but it definitely helps me feel connected to my partners.
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  #10  
Old 05-14-2016, 05:27 PM
Platospenpal Platospenpal is offline
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Thanks, both. :-)
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distance, ldr, long distance, long distance love, long distant love, long-distance, moving, new to polyamory, staying in touch

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