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  #41  
Old 07-19-2015, 05:45 PM
Heteroflexing Heteroflexing is offline
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Originally Posted by Norwegianpoly View Post
They got introduced on Skype and then met in person after about eight months (we lived together for a week).

We have yet to find out all the details, but my wish is that we will be three parents for the child/children (regardless of who is the biological parents).

We have come out to my poly friends, some other friends, some of my husband's friends, some of boyfriend 's friends and two of his brothers. Family is the hardest to come out to. It was also hard to tell my doctor, I eventually had to become it was medicallly relevant. I hope to tell my parents and introduce him to them on his next visit to us. I plan to just tell it straight... Although I have prepared some grund by letting them know I travel, learn language and so on.
That sounds like a great family style. Good luck!

How was the coming out received to the respectful individuals. My wife too had to come out to her doctor for medical reasons and it was received awkwardly, but not terribly. Good luck with your parents!
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  #42  
Old 07-19-2015, 05:51 PM
Heteroflexing Heteroflexing is offline
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I just want to point out you can't generalize. Every family's poly will be different depending on the people involved. The adults, the children, if any, will adapt and thrive or not.

Just like if you have 2 kids and do your darnedest to raise them the same, one will turn out one way, one will turn out another way. It's not your parenting, it's their wiring.

I would have to say, younger kids, prepubescent, generally adapt more quickly to mom and/or dad having another lover, than teens will. Teens tend to think their parents having sex is gross (whether they are mono or poly). Little kids tend to be unaware of that aspect, and if Mom's special friend Travis starts hanging around more, the little kids are just self centered. Is he fun to play with? Is he nice? Is Mom happy when he's around? Then they are fine with it.

Teens might be more suspicious and feel a bit thrown until they've assessed the situation more rationally.
That's a fantastic point to consider. No amount of pre-planning can prepare you for everything. Most people claim that the longer that a non-traditional family is the norm, the more comfortable all members are with it. However, they could never be comfortable with it.

Thank you for the food for thought.
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  #43  
Old 07-19-2015, 07:30 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Re (from Heteroflexing):
Quote:
"Did you work together before starting the V or did it happen afterward?"
Working together happened before starting the V.

Re:
Quote:
"Do you know of anyone that has had success with an LDR?"
Way back in 1987, I had an LDR with the woman who would marry me. I guess it was successful, but we didn't enjoy the long distance and ended that part as soon as we could.

Other people seem to have successful LDR's. Such as Norwegianpoly. But again, that's not a permanent situation.

Re:
Quote:
"It sounds like if I end up finding the silver bullet I should share it with my fellow poly males."
Haha, please do.
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  #44  
Old 07-19-2015, 09:18 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Originally Posted by Heteroflexing View Post
I've read that the a child's success by many metrics is directly proportional to the number of stakeholders involved in the child's success. The co-parenting set up would be ideal to maximize this effect!

Communication and active planning seem to be the underlying principles for poly success. You seem to be swimming in both, which is great. Do you think you ever will inform your family of the poly aspect? If so, how long do you think you will wait?

Congrats on finding a great family to you too!
I'd tell my family once we get a place (the money for a down payment is under mine and my dad's name so I want to make sure the house is bought before he could say no to that). Tighearn and Woodsmith are less sure when they would because both of them have very religious families. My thing is my dad would be less comfortable putting up money (even though it's my money) for a place with that many variables of someone getting stuck with a place.

Mind you if it hit say 4 years of Tig and myself being together and we haven't found a family home yet I'm still gonna tell my dad... because 4 years should be enough for him to feel it's stable.
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  #45  
Old 07-19-2015, 09:30 PM
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Bluebird Bluebird is offline
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That's also hilarious how similar your two guys are. Perhaps you have a type. I have to ask now that I know more about you, which one likes to geocache more?
Geocaching is something I do with my youngest daughter and DarkKnight. Lately we have been doing more searches with Find A Grave than geocaching. To me, it feels like I am doing a public service with Find A Grave, so that makes me happy.

Telling my doctor about being poly was easy - I was just matter-of-fact. "Yes, I am married, but I have multiple partners." I was going in regularly for std testing. When PunkRock and I became engaged, I requested that he be listed on those who have access to my medical records. We also filled out health care proxy forms and living wills to give access to each other in the hospital, and to allow each other to make medical decisions. Now that we are married, I made sure they updated that at the office as well. I am sure they didn't have 2 "spouse" slots - they just stuck it in the notes, probably. I wasn't embarrassed about it because I don't feel I should be. No one has ever said anything derogatory to me at the doctor's office either. One of the nurse practitioners gave me a high five and a "you go girl" though. Lol
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  #46  
Old 07-20-2015, 02:49 AM
Heteroflexing Heteroflexing is offline
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Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Working together happened before starting the V.
Alright...note to self...start looking at work.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Way back in 1987, I had an LDR with the woman who would marry me. I guess it was successful, but we didn't enjoy the long distance and ended that part as soon as we could.
However, the distance at least didn't kill the relationship. Perhaps an LDR would be a great place to start and when I discover that I want to be much closer to them, I'll know that I have found the right person. My problem could be that I just haven't found the right people nearby. I never dated much before I was married. I stayed with the same partner for long periods of time. Perhaps I'm attracted to LDR because it forces the dating dynamic to be retained with each meeting being special Hmmmmm....

When I figure out all the secrets you'll be the first to know.
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  #47  
Old 07-20-2015, 02:53 AM
Heteroflexing Heteroflexing is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CattivaGattina View Post
I'd tell my family once we get a place (the money for a down payment is under mine and my dad's name so I want to make sure the house is bought before he could say no to that). Tighearn and Woodsmith are less sure when they would because both of them have very religious families. My thing is my dad would be less comfortable putting up money (even though it's my money) for a place with that many variables of someone getting stuck with a place.

Mind you if it hit say 4 years of Tig and myself being together and we haven't found a family home yet I'm still gonna tell my dad... because 4 years should be enough for him to feel it's stable.
That absolutely makes sense. I remember listening to a podcast where Dan Savage gave the advice to a lesbian teen to wait to come out until after college if that was the difference between having tuition paid (which the father had planned to do) versus not. You make perfect logistical sense and everyone will be better off by waiting. A little strategy goes a long way, especially since it doesn't affect the family negatively that they don't know. Good luck with the reveal and the house purchase!
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  #48  
Old 07-20-2015, 02:59 AM
Heteroflexing Heteroflexing is offline
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Originally Posted by Bluebird View Post
Geocaching is something I do with my youngest daughter and DarkKnight. Lately we have been doing more searches with Find A Grave than geocaching. To me, it feels like I am doing a public service with Find A Grave, so that makes me happy.

Telling my doctor about being poly was easy - I was just matter-of-fact. "Yes, I am married, but I have multiple partners." I was going in regularly for std testing. When PunkRock and I became engaged, I requested that he be listed on those who have access to my medical records. We also filled out health care proxy forms and living wills to give access to each other in the hospital, and to allow each other to make medical decisions. Now that we are married, I made sure they updated that at the office as well. I am sure they didn't have 2 "spouse" slots - they just stuck it in the notes, probably. I wasn't embarrassed about it because I don't feel I should be. No one has ever said anything derogatory to me at the doctor's office either. One of the nurse practitioners gave me a high five and a "you go girl" though. Lol
I had never heard of Find a Grave. I am sure my wife would love that as she is fascinated by the history the stones contain. I personally have an absolutely irrational fear of ghosts. I may need to tough it out to try it though. It could be great.

Matter-of-fact is a great way to do it. That's fantastic that noone said anything derogatory as well. I am not familiar with living wills and health care proxy's. If a medical situation arises do they both have to be contacted before a decision can be made

Again thanks for indulging me on the personal questions!
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  #49  
Old 07-20-2015, 03:03 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Re (from Heteroflexing):
Quote:
"The distance at least didn't kill the relationship."
No, it sure didn't.
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