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  #31  
Old 10-25-2017, 04:18 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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"We all dress to be noticed by the opposite sex. We are all showing more skin."

Well, sure, young single women at "da club" show lots of skin. I suppose. I have never been into the club scene. Not when I was single, not when I was married/mono, not since I've been poly. Getting gussied up in short skirts and throwing my long hair around is just not my thing.

So. You're the prettiest girl at the ball and men notice you. And you've always been the belle of the ball and you are used to getting attention from men. And you had a fling and fucked a ton of guys in a DADT. Now what? You're trying to prove, as a middle aged woman, "I've still got it." So, you've got it. What else can bring you fulfillment? Just being pretty and knowing you attract more attention than your single friends means what? Is that enough to live on?

I am told I am pretty, lovely, beautiful too. They say I have beautiful eyes, a great smile, nice skin, lovely silver hair, I smell great, I'm delicious between the legs, I have nice big titties and a fine ass, cute feet.


I've had plenty of bfs, even men in the their 20s and 30s, and me in my 50s and 60s, going gaga over my looks and my sexual skills. It's nice... but... It's not enough to live on. I also have many many hobbies and skills and interests that are actually "me." My looks came from my parents. So what? It's not something I can take credit for. Just luck. Big deal.
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  #32  
Old 10-26-2017, 02:43 PM
sexyserb sexyserb is offline
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I've had plenty of bfs, even men in the their 20s and 30s, and me in my 50s and 60s, going gaga over my looks and my sexual skills. It's nice... but... It's not enough to live on.

Mags, well said. Thanks for the 2 x 4. I needed it. I think I need to search for what I now need to be happy. My interests and time all was devoted to my kids, especially since Hero was gone so much as they grew up. That was a full time job.

Interests??? I love animals and volunteer at the animal shelter. but I need to get out there and start doing stuff again to fill all this empty time. my husband is home every night but still works a lot of hours and is under constant pressure. The higher up you go the easier it is to be a target. Welcome to corporate life. For him, failure is not an option.

I've talked to hubby and he has no problem with me working but I honestly do not want to work full time at this point. He could make a phone call to a number of people and get me part time in a number of different things but right now I don't want that either. I need to try to rebuild this marriage and I need to do the heavy lifting.

I love sports, and I used to be a real good tennis player so I am going to take some lessons from a female instructor to polish up my skills a little and then get involved in leagues at the country club. Might even try golf but I do not think i have the patience. Hero plays it but because he has to but really does not like it.

Down the road, I probably will get some work. I think it is not helpful to do nothing but rejoin my old group of divorcees and spoiled and pampered divas who sit around at lunch for hours gossiping. I know, I probably could be called a spoiled diva too. Need to break that title.

This should be a fun week end. nothing but Hero and me. Thats the way I like it.
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  #33  
Old 10-27-2017, 02:00 AM
powerpuffgrl1969 powerpuffgrl1969 is offline
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Between my late teens and mid 30's, I was considered sexy by many men. Never model thin, but nice face and hair. "Brick House" type.

Unfortunately, I focused only on that, and had affairs just so I could "prove" how sexy I was and got a rush from it.

Well, a bit before 40, I was put on a cocktail of meds for bipolar disorder that made it very easy to gain weight and killed my libido. The psychiatrist and I spent a couple of years tinkering with my meds. I function far, far better as a human being, but my "hot" days are behind me. I still make myself look pretty, but I have had to develop my other defining characteristics. I have a husband who prefers me to be heavy than be a partner who can turn from a reasonable person into a no-sleep crazy person or a puddle of uncontrollable tears. Yes, I could work harder on my weight, but I don't. No excuses.

If I could turn heads the way I used to, it would be a thrill for sure. But, in general, I like myself better as a person now. Do I envy you a bit? Yeah I do! But there was a lot about my "sexy" self that was a self-centered bitch. I wouldn't want that back for anything.

Seeking validation based on your looks is a hard thing to stop. After all, that's probably one of the qualities Hero liked about you! I guess a good guide for you might be this; if Hero was across the room watching you interact with men, would your behavior cause him anxiety? From what you have said, he doesn't sound controlling or unreasonable or I wouldn't suggest that. No need to dress like a nun! It can be fun to be sexy, just don't let it lead to something that may hurt your marriage.

You are doing well! I wish the best for you.

Last edited by powerpuffgrl1969; 10-27-2017 at 02:05 AM. Reason: Oops
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  #34  
Old 10-27-2017, 04:18 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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I feel like I was a bit harsh, though you took it well. I don't mean to be so critical, since I went through something similar.

I spent too long in a marriage that became unfulfilling. I really needed positive male and female (since I am bi) attention once my ex and I separated.

So I did spend about 2-3 years with a "kid in a candy store" modus operandi, talking to people on OK Cupid, dating the cool ones, enjoying all the compliments and variety and great sex and dinners out and other fun dates, and all that.

And for weight issues as powerpuff addressed. I have had so many compliments on my full figure! I'd never suspected my shape would be a turn on to so many. Some people just really prefer a woman with curves. I do have an hourglass shape, maybe that helps. But anyway, no, I don't "turn heads" as I did in my teens and 20s, when I was thinner and had long blonde hair, but I don't need that. Lots of compliments and orgasms and sensual kinky fun from actual partners is all I need or want.

And also, it is entirely normal after years of intensive parenting, to want to be seen as a desirable sexual being and not just "Mom." We all struggle with the Madonna/sex kitten issue in this culture. And we give and give so much to our kids, it's nice to be given to, in the form of dates and sex and compliments and so on.

But I wasn't getting enough of that from my ex. However, serb, it seems Hero WANTS to have a healthy sex/love life with you... but there's this darn DADT history now that I am sure is on his mind and making him feel insecure. And you're not over the "look at sexy me, all you guys!" phase either.

I think you will have your work cut out looking for deeper values in your culture of wealth and trophy wives and probably cosmetic surgery and Botox and all that shit. Going to the club with a bunch of friends on the hunt is not what you need right now, it seems.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62), dating... again!
Pixi (poly, F, 40) my darling nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013
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  #35  
Old 10-28-2017, 03:56 PM
sexyserb sexyserb is offline
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Seeking validation based on your looks is a hard thing to stop. After all, that's probably one of the qualities Hero liked about you! I guess a good guide for you might be this; if Hero was across the room watching you interact with men, would your behavior cause him anxiety? From what you have said, he doesn't sound controlling or unreasonable or I wouldn't suggest that. No need to dress like a nun! It can be fun to be sexy, just don't let it lead to something that may hurt your marriage.

Power, he has watched me be me for a long time and he is not at all a controlling or jealous type. Anxiety??? Not before. He flirts with women too and they flirt with him blatantly. Now, he might be watching me because he knows I have acted. I need better boundaries when he is not around. Right now its funny ( not really). I am more worried he might act and he would have no shortage of honeys who would gladly oblige.

I have a husband who prefers me to be heavy than be a partner who can turn from a reasonable person into a no-sleep crazy person or a puddle of uncontrollable tears. Yes, I could work harder on my weight, but I don't. No excuses.

I assume he knows about the affairs. You seem happy now so why worry about weight. Doing well am I?? I'm trying. Still can't believe what I have put on the line,

Magdlyn

I feel like I was a bit harsh, though you took it well. I don't mean to be so critical, since I went through something similar.

Sometimes harsh is good.

But I wasn't getting enough of that from my ex. However, serb, it seems Hero WANTS to have a healthy sex/love life with you... but there's this darn DADT history now that I am sure is on his mind and making him feel insecure. And you're not over the "look at sexy me, all you guys!" phase either.


I'm not sure insecure is the word. He could replace me easily I am sure. I think he just is not sure if he wants to have me tell him again that I want to "explore" again, so I guess maybe thats a kind of insecure, depending on your definition. There's a lot of discussion here about "kinks". mine was not BDSM but being the attention freak I am mine was/is sex with more than one man at a time. I know that is not going to happen with my husband ever, which of course i would have preferred. Our sex life other than that was and still is very active.


I think you will have your work cut out looking for deeper values in your culture of wealth and trophy wives and probably cosmetic surgery and Botox and all that shit. Going to the club with a bunch of friends on the hunt is not what you need right now,
it seems.

LOL Mags, no cosmetic surgery or botox for me yet. But yup, some of my little group have gone down that road.

So I'm going to give myself a 2 X 4. What kind of idiot am I who would take a chance on trading a
a magnificant gorgeous husband
an amazing provider
an unbelievable Dad whose kids adore him
a great lover
a certain beautiful future
a wonderful well adjusted family

all for the opportunity to act of this sexual fantasy with guys I have no future with at all. Just reading that tells me I'm fucked up.

It's funny. If you google "Mens Sexual Fantasies", I think #7 that shows up is wife or girlfriend having sex with other men. But only a small percentage ever even attempt to go there. Thats why they say in a lot of the books that "erotic scenerios" differ from fantasies in that not all fantasies should be acted upon. its the same with women and the rape fantasy that also appears. not too many if any really want to have that happen.

Hero has not really asked for too much detail but I am sure since he knows me so well he believes that I have acted on mine, which I have. And i do not know whether getting down to the gory details would be helpful or not. He accepts that he insisted on the DADT but sometimes i think he wants me to confirm it. i am afraid to do that right now.

On another note, my friend has totally fucked up her life by continuing her affair even after being caught, but I have extricated myself from that situation without getting my husband involved.

I watched the Esther Perel talk again on why married women who are happy cheat. it really hits home how somehow we expect so much of our partners that it makes it almost impossible for one person to fulfill it all. Thats i guess kind of an endorsement of polyamory but i think we are a long way off from where as she recommends that most men will accept it.

I'll sort this out in time. I hope I get it right
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Last edited by sexyserb; 10-28-2017 at 04:00 PM.
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  #36  
Old 03-08-2018, 03:52 PM
sexyserb sexyserb is offline
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Wow does time fly. It's been now almost seven months since my what I call "slut phase" ended, and for the most part we have done well considering.
Weathered the Holiday season, and other than the little blow up over Valentines Day that I posted about on the forum, we are functioning.

I have been seeing a very well regarded therapist and quite honestly have been getting a bit beaten up with "tough" evaluation of my mental state. But i think thats good to face reality head on. Basically I was wallowing in this guilt looking for the why's, which in many cases is just digging for excuses. I did it because I wanted to and was risk taker enough and selfish enough. No reason for guilt, just admission of what I did and acceptance that there are no childhood or family reasons. If anything, she says I am a bit of an exhibitionist that has been reinforced through the years. I simply acted on what many imagine. Not very complicated. I am happy for the 2 x 4's the therapy has given me. The big question is how do I change.

As for Hero, she has obviously not met with him, but her opinion is he mentally divorced me the minute I had " the talk" which is why he demanded the DADT, as well as why he set some conditions that he never thought I would be able to adhere to. But I did with just a few exceptions. Hero and I have talked a lot and I honestly believe he was totally amazed when I told him there was no one "special" that I did not want to detach from or that there was no one I was pining for. That fact saved our marriage. If I had told him I wanted to be "friends" or stay in contact with any of these men he would have pulled the plug right then and there.

The sex I did does not seem to be an obstacle. Hero has not asked a lot of questions. He says if another mans penis is in me whats the difference if its one, two, three, which orafice, etc. Sex is sex period. I think his feeling on that stems from he had no hang ups knowing I was pretty slutty in college when we met as well as he is not feeling inadequate like some men would. None of the stupid questions about "size" or "did you O", or any others of that type. I would almost had a hard time from not laughing if he had asked some questions about size and other guys. Hero wears a size 19 shoe, has hands the size of meat hooks and regardless of what myths are out there his manhood matches his other extremities. He knows I would much rather had he been part of everything and I guess in a sick way I would have for a time been a happy camper with a "cuckold" like my girlfriend had. My husband is not that man.

My therapist is very concerned that these desires will return once I feel convinced we are not divorcing and that I will have to work on myself to understand that there is very little chance I will ever have a change in my husbands attitude. I knew that. She did ask me what my reaction would be if he told me he wanted to fuck other women. Right now, my mind cannot even deal with that thought. I know he loves women and they love him. Not knowing our situation I have "friends" all the time kidding me about if we decide to have an open marriage, that they will "volunteer" to be with Hero. Some are obviously just kidding, but there are a few who flirt with him all the time at social functions and believe me i watch them like a hawk.

This kind of turned into a vent, but i guess thats what this section is for.
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  #37  
Old 03-10-2018, 03:49 PM
sexyserb sexyserb is offline
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Well, my husband has just given me a wonderful surprise. I have always wanted to rescue a greyhound that had been discarded because it could not win races any more and Hero brought one home. I cried my eyes out. She is so beautiful and gentle and so far gets along great with the other dogs. And we have a very large fenced yard for her to run in. Right now, I just feel so lucky to have this man still. We both love animals and Hero generously supports the homeless animal shelter I volunteer at.

He is so thoughtful. We were supposed to go to big party at the country club tonight but he cancelled so I could be home with my new "fur baby".

He is still hobbling a bit from his little basketball thing so it will be a great quiet week end just the two of us. No business crap, no social stuff, no entertaining.

Now I get to plan his "reward".. Heading to the mall to get something he hasn't seen before. The guy has no clue yet whats in store for him. LOL
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  #38  
Old 03-10-2018, 07:49 PM
icesong icesong is offline
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Rescue greyhounds are wonderful - I currently have two of them and still miss the first I had.
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  #39  
Old 03-11-2018, 02:07 PM
powerpuffgrl1969 powerpuffgrl1969 is offline
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I have a rescue greyhound as well, a brindle. He broke his leg during a race. He is a character, THAT'S for sure. He is loud, extroverted, and still likes to pee in the house if he's mad about something.

King is a far cry from my previous brindle, Tanner. She didn't know how to be a "dog;" she was so used to being treated badly. What color is your greyhound?

I'm very glad you rescued this dog. I'm sure she needs to have his teeth professionally cleaned, as they are always AWFUL coming off the track. Also, (you probably know this, but still) greyhounds can be tricky as far as it comes to anesthesia. They need to go to a vet that has extensive experience with greyhounds, and it is far more expensive to get anesthesia for one. I know that isn't a concern of yours, but it certainly surprised US!

My theory is that, since greyhounds have so little fat, they probably metabolize anesthesia differently from other breeds. Of course, I could Google it, but I would hate to have my brilliant conclusion disproven!

PS - I think this is a VERY good sign for the two of you.
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  #40  
Old 03-12-2018, 01:06 AM
sexyserb sexyserb is offline
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Thanks Power

We have access to all sorts of “specialists “ for dogs in our area. Everything from internists to oncologists to neurologists for dogs. We have four other dogs now , all Irish Setters , and our new baby will get the executive vet treatment .
Appreciate your thoughts.
Since Hero is not 100% since trying to be an NBA all star he watched them run around a lot today.
And he enjoyed his “reward” last night . So did I
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