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  #851  
Old 02-17-2018, 05:31 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I am not going to use quote marks because I can't be bothered.

Valentine's Day, well late afternoon and evening with Prof.
We agreed no presents. He got me presents. There was chocolate, champagne and the hot tub. In the hot tub he said he had something romantic to say. Oh yes, very interesting. Out of all the people with whom he has had BD play with, I am the one who started the journey with him, and I am the only the one left, almost 5 years later. I told him that is not romantic it is a timeline statement but I appreciate the attempt. He did explain a little more but it honestly, I felt more like the idiot that put with his crap than someone worthy of an award for longevity.

So we chat a little more and he asks me, do you not know how much I love you? I said, no not really, I feel like I mostly annoy you. He rattled of a list of things that apparently are important and obvious signs of love. He answers my phone calls. ( I get that is a big one for him ). He is there for me when I really need him. He is there for the kids when I need him. There were a few more that I don't remember but my response was, that he can't seem to fit me in to weekend time. His reply was that he is planning spring break time with me, planning summer time with me, working to get the camper van up and running again so we can do weekend trips and he has worked out the mortgage insurance for my house. He said he has no mental slots for weekend time. It was light bulb moment for me. In his head he is doing these 4 things a for him and me and that's all he can do. He expressed that he was really trying to get these things done and they are important. Ah. To me, those things take up little mental space and seem pretty small. But I could see they were big and involved a lot of mental effort for him. And yes, they do. I just don't know what is going behind the scenes enough to appreciate the time and effort.

Accepting people as they are is not easy. And how much accepting of them as they are can we do before they drive us nuts is not an easy question to answer.

There is more, but I have motorcycle class at 7 am.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.

Last edited by Atlantis; 02-17-2018 at 05:52 AM.
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  #852  
Old 02-24-2018, 03:14 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I passed the theory part of the motorcycle test. The final took me under 10 minutes as I have taken the test for my permit so many times. The instructor thought I had got all nervous and was quitting early! I have another skills day tomorrow with the riding test. I am nervous about that as last week was my first time ever doing the foot gear change. The clutch part was easy as I can drive stick and hand shift the classic scooters but finding the gear peg was an on going challenge. Fingers crossed!

I made up with Mr Tile. His girlfriend ( Ms Shell ) came back to town and the rules have started. So much for his idea that there would never any issues. The biggest rule so far is no overnights. I told him I won't push it for now but it is not something I will agree to in the long term. I explained a little about the primary and secondary structures and he eventually got it. He is not very happy about the idea of rules being imposed, he sees himself as a very easy going person who wouldn't give anyone any rules to follow. He also won't answer the phone now if Ms Shell is around, which is annoying as I am paying him to do my floors and I was in Home Depot this afternoon looking at options.

I saw Mr Dom briefly last weekend, drove 1.5 hours each way with the kids to get the dog. His Gf won't give us 1 second alone. The dog jumped into the car, I got the food and left in under 2 minutes. I have started road jogging again and having the dog is the best motivator to put my shoes on!
He is heading down this weekend so the kids and I will meet him for lunch and hang out for a bit.. No GF. I said I wouldn't drive to meet him again so soon if we couldn't hang out for a bit. He agreed that some in person catch up time would be good. We still talk, facetime and text all week long but I haven't spent more than 2 minutes in person with him since last October. He is doing the 100% thing with GF.
We have both returned to our previous unhealthy relationship styles. Oh well. I know what I am doing, I guess he is aware he is repeating behavior as well. I love him dearly, he loves me too. We accept each other for the fucked up people that we are. I can ask nothing more.

Prof has been is fairly constant contact while on his cruise. He has made sure I know he is with a male friend. Like I care. He seems somewhat bored and said he is working a lot while on the ship to pay for his next vacation, which is with me. The man has enough money to make your eyes water, so that is bullshit. He offered me an obscene amount of money to pay down my house to the 80/20 level and so I can drop the mortgage insurance payments. I asked about the repayment plan and he said put it into college funds for the kids Money and gifts is how he shows he cares/manipulates. He is fucked up and I am fucked up enough to take the $.

I saw Eeyore this week too. Drinks, small plates and sex, lots of talk. We have settled into a pattern of communication and meeting that we are both comfortable with.

I am pretty much back to where I was 2 years ago relationship wise. Same relationships with similar people. I am currently very accepting of this. Next week I might feel differently.I am definitely sailing solo again.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.

Last edited by Atlantis; 02-24-2018 at 03:45 AM.
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  #853  
Old 02-24-2018, 09:06 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I passed the skills test! Have to do one more written test when I go to get my license updated but I am not worried about that. Very happy.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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  #854  
Old 02-28-2018, 03:03 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,013
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I lasted a few days before coming up with my next list of things to keep me busy.

I have started applying for new jobs. I will probably have to take a pay cut, work on my budget, cook a lot more, and commit to doing the commute from hell, but not spend my nights working on all the stuff I couldn't do during the day.

I bought an Instant Pot so now I can walk/jog after work and the kids can scoot along with me while dinner is cooking. I throw stuff in jars of sauce, pre-chopped veggies, rice or pasta, some kind of veggie protein, and press cook. I might read the instructions one of these days. Plus I am sick of salads for lunch and now I have days worth of leftovers.

I plan to get fit enough to walk/jog to a local landmark and back. It's almost exactly 5 miles round trip. I hope to be doing it a couple of times a week by july 4th.

Poly/open things are fine. Mr Tile is quite the character. I am paying him to do a few extra things that I could do, but I wouldn't do well. He is happy to get the cash so win win.

Prof came back from the cruise and immediately picked up a work trip out of state. I probably won't see him till he gets back from that. He offered to fly me out for the weekend but I am dog sitting and have a busy weekend planned already and simply can't rearrange everything at this short notice.

I havent contacted Eeyore since last week.

The visit with Mr Dom was great. I helped him do some things, we took the kids for dinner and talked up a storm. He has been researching electric bicycles and picked me one up today. I won't buy the Vespa as I am planning for a pay cut, but an electric bike will work for most of the same stuff I planned to do by scooter. I asked him to be alone when I go pick it up, pay him etc. I don't want to be doing that kind of stuff with the hovering GF around. He gets it. I was out with a friend at the weekend and she bumped into an old neighbor, I couldn't bring myself to chat to him, so its not about Mr Dom's GF personally, as much as I am socially awkward and just cannot do the chit chat. This is nothing new.
Brings to mind the time Prof and I bumped into one of his friends in the street and I froze so much he thought I was having a seizure of some sort.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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  #855  
Old 03-02-2018, 02:59 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,013
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Mr Dom and Mr Tile met today. Mr Tile knew about Mr Dom but Mr Dom only knew Mr Tile as the guy doing my floors. Interesting.
Mr Tile helped Mr Dom and me load the scooter on to the back of a pick up via a small ramp. I was pretty sure it would fall but with three of us pushing it went fine. I am sad to see the scooter go but the purchase won't fit in with my slash and burn budget plan. I have bought an electric bike instead. It goes 20 mph and has throttle as well as pedal assist. It goes like a rocket. The hills around here a long and steep so this will be the way to bring bikes back into my regular routine.

It was funny seeing the pair of them interact. I didn't say too much at all. They are both very chatty and social and got on well. Mr Dom thinks Mr Tile is not my type at all. He knows that I met Mr Tile on Tinder. Mr Tile is not my type, true. He is excited to see me and is currently offering to pop over at the drop of a hat. No "see you in 3 weeks." I like it.

Apparently I am getting all this tile work done for virtually cost as Mr Tile likes me a lot. MR Tile's work partner was aprently shocked when he told him what i am paying. In exchange for what is probably a steep discount on labor part, I am paying him for extra work, loaned him car to take the GF to a medical thing, I have given him a number of business plan ideas, and offered to set some of it up for him, and will refer him for a reasonable size contract when it comes up for bid. Plus I give "mad blow jobs." I will make sure he is not doing too cheaply though, I have no desire to feel like I took advantage of him, I will have years looking at the floors.

Prof sent me some hotel pics, torture. I am somewhat regretting not going, but it would have been a mad trip.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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  #856  
Old 03-04-2018, 04:49 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,013
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Mr Tile is driving me nuts. The cursing, the smoking, the all round loudness, the interrupting. I thought MR Dom could talk, oh my god, this man is 100 times worse. Not much I can do as my toilet and sink are currently sitting in back yard. I had to send him home on Friday as he was so recounting a bar fight in detail, with the live re-enactment. I asked him to stop a couple of times and he just kept going! I ducked out of last night as I had to drive an hour each way to pick up my phone which got a new battery. Ugh. The work he is doing is outstanding so I can't complain on that score.

While I was getting my phone i texted Mr Chef as my phone popped up with a location alert. He messaged right back and said he wasn't home but could we do a raincheck? I replied," Sure."

Prof is due back sometime today. I have invited him to a couple of events and he said yes to both, depending on if he is in town.


I had a great Tinder chat last night with a guy. A couple of hours we recommended music videos and watched them on youtube. He totally vanished when I said I would meet for him for a drink but nothing naked.

Today I plan to put a tow-hitch on my car. Youtube has videos on everything. I might try "appendectomies at home," next.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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  #857  
Old 03-06-2018, 01:27 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,013
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I had to break up or whatever you want to call it with Mr Tile. I simply can't accept him as the person he is, or as a lover, and I can't change who I am either.
Did I mention the urinating in my back yard about 5ft from where I sit. Disgusting.
He was catching feelings badly and I can't pretend to like him just to get my floors finished. He sent me a feelings text this morning and I ended up calling him and saying I can't continue as it's just not working for me. He said he was going to tell me he loved me today. Even in that conversation he wouldn't let me talk, not that I had a huge amount to say but it was the same as he usually does and I can't take it.

I said I would prefer it if he finished up the work he is was doing but I am also fine if he didn't feel it was something he wanted to do anymore. He said "No" and that he wanted to keep going. I said I don't want to feel like I am taking advantage of him and he said he would stop if he felt that, but he was enjoying having the free reign on the projects and I was motivating him to get his life back in order. I have put a lot of work into helping with a business plan and did a few hours of research and summarizing for some community projects he is working on. I feel that I have given and not just taken, but I don't want to give any more and just be talked over and interrupted and the endless swearing.

It's not even that the emotions were too much, it is basically his non-stop boorish behavior and I cannot see me letting him spend any time with the kids on any kind of regular basis. His life advice tip to them the other day was to never have children and he is serious, not joking. They were shocked, they are too young for that kind of talk.

He desperately wants to be friends. I said I am willing to try that but I don't think so. It's hard be friends with someone who you think doesn't listen, every conversation is an opportunity for him to give his strong and not well supported opinion on whatever happens to be on his mind.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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  #858  
Old 03-09-2018, 01:27 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,013
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I was approached by 2 men in car last night while I was walking the dog. They were following me and pulled a u-turn in front of me. The passenger rolled down his window and the driver tried to engage me in conversation about the dog. I crossed the street behind the car so they facing the other way. They pulled a another u-turn and continued to follow me. I pulled out my phone and called Prof who I knew was on his way. They followed me down to the main road, turned around again and drove off once I hit the traffic.
I should have called the police last night but I didn't, I called them today.
I wouldn't have reported it or been shaken up if it was just one person in the car. I have certainly had multiple experience of one man in a car pull up and offer a ride or cruise past in a weird way. But there were two of them and that means they had discussed what they were going to do. I had a very good description of the driver, the passenger kept in the dark. The police office helped me identify the type of vehicle, he was very good and at no point did I feel he wasn't taking me seriously.
Prof asked me why I didn't take a pic on my phone while I was walking and said there was no way I was going to trigger the passenger getting out. I can out run one but not much I can do if there is a driver keeping pace in a car.
It was deeply upsetting. It really impacted my sense of self.
I have been around the world by myself, work with the population that I work with, lived in some really bad places, and never felt as in danger as I did last night. Prof is going to order me some pepper spray and I will get a gun for the house.
Even as I went out last night with flashlight, it was only 6:30pm, I purposefully choose the best lit road and avoided the dark ones. I had running shoes on and was well covered up. It was about 10 minutes walk from my front door.
I have been mentally working through it today and am ok now. I have run through the "coulda shoulda" scenarios but at the end of it all, I did get away safely.
I think I am one of the most personal safety oriented people out there. I have written here about how I have annoyed dates by being overly paranoid. But my gut told me this was bad and I listened.

Prof was great. Listened to me process it again and again and stayed the night despite us both agreeing that sleepover wasn't going to happen.

I spoke to Mr Dom and he was very supportive too.

I plan to post the description on the neighborhood website and I think I will have done all I can do.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.

Last edited by Atlantis; 03-09-2018 at 01:29 AM.
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  #859  
Old 03-14-2018, 12:26 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,013
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MR Tile has got it bad. He came over for a bit last night to look at trim and lowered the cost on his work again. I will just keep mailing checks as I said I would to the value of what originally agreed on and on the time frame. His work is great. I was looking at stick on squares and I have custom tile work.
He keeps trying to hug me and tell me I am awesome and making all sorts of comments about sex stuff. I keep telling him that I am not going there with him anymore, he is a great guy but don't there is no chance of anything more. I being very forthright. Not leading him on, not trying to avoid the topic to keep him happy. It's getting really uncomfortable but mostly he leaves before I get home so I can avoid him.

Prof is fine. He might have a work trip coming up for the days we planned together of spring break. I will probably go with him. I haven't been to that city since I was a back packing college student so it will be fun to go and explore on the days he is working.

I have probably got a meet n' greet at the weekend. We are trying to line up a phone talk before we actually meet. The man has hardly asked me a single question but responds to anything I ask with detailed answers. He sent me a picture of a small beach in Sydney where he went diving with his kids last year. I identified it and he was amazed. I used to live 15 minutes or so walk from it so I know it well. It hasn't changed much over the years.

I have got about 3 job applications out right now and working on my fitness. I am not really bothered about online dating.

Mr Chef has been in off and on contact. I left him a voice message today as I was driving around.

I have enough to keep with me busy with the dog and house projects. I put a bi-fold door at the weekend add that to the tow hitch project and I am feeling that I am quite well with getting stuff done.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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  #860  
Old 04-28-2018, 04:28 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,013
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The trip with Prof was simply amazing, lots of silly fun, swanky restaurants and we discussed getting my younger child baptized and he would be one of the godparents. Fast forward one week later and I am blocked and he is refusing to speak to me. That all happened about a month ago.

What could be the heinous crime that I committed? Not understanding that having your phone upload to Drive is the same as "posting" on the internet in his eyes. I asked my tech friends if what I did is really counted as "posting" and they all said no. I am probably not alone in thinking posting is actually making pictures public or tagging or Facebook somesuch. I get that with all the account hacking these days he is concerned but what a huge over-reaction. I sent him one email saying if I hadn't heard from him by a particular date then I take it he is not going to the fundraiser I purchased us tickets for. No reply.

In the past ( and written about here ) I would be very concerned and bending over backwards to make things right. Not this time though. And if he does pop up again which I think he will, there will be a change in how I view him and whatever type of relationship we have.

Prof loves some drama. I never realized that until recently. There is a repeat pattern of pitting people against each other, silent treatment, and then graciously allowing people to crawl back up his ass. I might not bother with him at all apart from the fact that we travel very well together and do have wonderful trips.

I had to block Mr Tile. 10 weeks and the floors work still wasn't finished and I had taken up parking down the street to avoid him after I finished work. Then there was the unsolicited bathroom selfies. There is some trim and transition work to finish which I can do myself. He never did any of the additional projects he agreed to do. I did them all myself.

I saw Eeyore again this week. Seems to be every 6 weeks or so. We go have drinks and snacks and then have really good sex.

I am messaging a potential Dom. We might be meeting tomorrow but based on recent online dating experiences, arranging to meet rarely seems to result in actual meeting.

I did meet this guy I had been chatting too since before Xmas. He dropped off then got in contact again. It was a weird meeting, said if we didnt have sex then he would never see me again. I drove an hour to get there and the meeting lasted 15 minutes. Mostly it was him saying we had to go back to his place and have sex and that was what I had said we would do ??????? I reviewed the messages and no, nothing even hinting at sex.

Lots of contact with Mr Dom. He asked me if I would be open to hanging out with him and his "person" so we could spend more time together. Cause I am renowned for my small talk and chit chat. He knows I am crap at it. He has recently taking up saying he misses me and the kids a lot. The distance is a huge factor, he is moving even further away in June, about 2.5-3 hours drive. I have stopped offering to drive up and told him to put something on the shared calendar if he wants. I also got 2 sets of concert tickets and asked him to go. Its up to him to actually ask for a set time.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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