Polyamory (core) and suicide

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JapinaTricycle

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Hi guys,

In the recent days, I've been discussing about the controversial fact to see wether polyamory is a choice or not.

Well, I feel polyamorous at the core, and feel like it's not a choice.

And just yesterday, something totally unexpected happened.

I feel crushed, and like there's never going to be any better days.

I need a doctor, a therapist, right now, but fuck that: even a community like this is better. That is just to say how of no help a doctor would be.

I'm suicidal because I'm poly (core).

I'm not kidding. This is to be taken very seriously.
 
Hi Japina,

Sorry to hear you are going through a very difficult time. How can I help?

It sounds like being "polycore" is a problem for you. Can you go into detail? What happened yesterday to drive you to the point of despair?

It is not easy to feel like things will never get better. I hope I can say something to instill a particle of hope.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Suicide prevention resources

Not sure what country you are in, but this search has some suicide hotlines in the US, as well as some online chat help.

Killing yourself would be a very selfish choice, and would not make things any better for your loved ones.
 
Suicide is a long term solution to a short term problem...

Please seek help ASAP.
 
Why does believing you are 'polycore' make you feel that you need to kill yourself?

What does it mean to you to be 'polycore?' That you fall in love with multiple people? That you can only be happy if you have multiple partners?
 
I'm not in the U.S., and don't care about whatever other help there may be.
I know there are hotlines where I live, but being polycore as the source of my current despair, only people who have experience with polyamory, or can relate to being polycore can help with this.

So I took a day off instead, to take care of myself, and maybe follow this forum.

Wondering what happened?

A week ago, I opened to my wife I was polyamorous/polycore. I expected the worse, but it seemed to me like she was okay. I wasn't sure, because it's not her fashion. I was happy, but confused at the same time. When things are wrong, they normally backfire a few days later, so I thought time will tell, but they didn't. I was happy; she made me believe everything was fine.

Then yesterday, after a romantic evening, I asked her about divorce in a casual manner, and then she told me, in the most unnatural way, that she doesn't care... only to realize a bit further down the conversation that it's because she crazy does.

So now I'm single.

I feel like a fool, rejected, and that life tricked me into delusionally thinking that being polycore could be accepted by people around me, but I know that is nothing but an illusion; from now on, I will always be single and suffer from being unable to create new relationships.

I'm polycore, it's not my ****ing choice, and I ****ing hate it.

But the biggest wound is falling back on the surface of earth while being mentally unprepared.
 
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You have a [Redacted at OP's request] IP address, so you may find support here.

If you're not in [Redacted], please find a relevant service in this list and call them.
 
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Being polycore means to be only interested in polyamory (as opposed to monogamy or other nonmonogamous forms).

My sadness and disarray comes from the fact that I believe I will always be single for the rest of my days (and thus make my life a pity).

I mean; if it's hard to imagine for single people to be single, can you imagine how hard it is for someone who craves relationships, such as a polycore person?
 
I am so very sorry you are struggling. :(

I hope you become more willing to call a help line wherever it is you live. I hope you become willing to make a safety plan.

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Brown_StanleySafetyPlanTemplate.pdf

I believe you that this is serious. I believe you that...

  • You are polycore.
  • You say you need a doctor/therapist but think this forum would be better.

I suggest having BOTH a doctor/therapist and this forum.

In fact, have ALL the tools available. Do not limit yourself.

SITUATION

You told your wife you are polyamorous/polycore. You started to feel better/happy but confused as to how she might be feeling.

She decided to leave. She doesn't want to be in a polyamorous marriage. So now you are single. You feel upset, rejected, etc.

You thought wife could accept you being poly, but no. She cannot.

You blame your poly-ness for the end of the marriage.

DISTRESS

You think that from now on, you will always be always be single and suffer from being unable to create new relationships when you deeply crave relationships.

This kind of thinking is jumping to conclusions. It is also an opinion, not a fact.

I don't know if these help you any.

https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/cognitive-distortions/

https://redemptionpsychiatry.com/docs/Cognitive_0.pdf

Could consider the techniques/books mentioned in order to start to help yourself.

But again... don't limit yourself.

Have ALL the tools you can access. A doctor, a therapist, a hotline, a book, articles, this forum, etc. Esp professionals. They will more quickly be able to point you to resources. And if necessary/appropriate, be able to prescribed meds to help with pain management or sleep or whatever it is you most need.

You can also walk into any hospital ER and check yourself in to get evaluated. I hope you will consider that.

Galagirl
 
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DISTRESS
You think that from now on, you will always be always be single and suffer from being unable to create new relationships when you deeply crave relationships.
This kind of thinking is jumping to conclusions. It is also an opinion, not a fact.
Galagirl

It is an opinion based on solid facts. At which point, it becomes closer to being a fact than just an opinion. And if people on these forums can realize that, that's going to highly contribute to making me feel understood.

I know counseling is the way to go. I'd rather hear about people's own stories on how they struggled themselves, having to go through the realization that one may be polycore, followed by a nasty period being single and feeling isolated from the rest of the world, one that could have lasted years, before finally finding balance again. That's why I couldn't care less about seeing a doctor. Please understand, I know I'm right.

The only thing I could possibly still be wrong with is regarding polyamory.
 
Two years ago I had four relationships. Then my wife died. I was in a severe state of depression for a little over a year. I ended the remaining three relationships. I have been single for the past two years. I am currently using this time to work on me.

This is not the end of the world. Take some time to recover from your divorce. One should always take some time after a loss. Decisions made during grief are almost always bad ones. I've made my share of those bad decisions.

Use this time to get some priorities straight. Being "not single" should not be a priority. I'm not out beating the bushes for a mate or three. If I find someone(s), I will. If not? Then I have to be happy with myself.

Remember, it's always darkest before the dawn.
 
Thanks for sharing, Vinsanity0.

I agree it must have been hard. I would have never guessed you are currently single since your signature shows you're into an LDR.

I hope you have the right people to support you at the moment, and if not, you now know you're not alone being in this situation!
 
This forum is not a suicide hotline. The members are not crisis counsellors and should not be asked to provide advice as if they are. You've been given links to professional resources. Use them.

If you want to read other's stories, you are free to do so; you can even start threads with specific questions. You don't need to make a post that basically boils down to "if you don't give me what I want I'll kill myself". It's no more appropriate to do that than it would be to say " if you don't give me what I want I'll kill my neighbour".
 
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