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Old 05-16-2018, 02:19 AM
Eevee93 Eevee93 is offline
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Default New to poly, vee becoming triad?

Hi

My boyfriend of five years started dating another woman about 15 months ago. I was happy for both of them. We are all bisexual and her and I have been developing our own relationship.

My boyfriend and I live together and she lives separately so far, but stays with us often. I really like her as a friend and we have had fun in bed a couple times but I feel like our relationship is being forced to be deeper than it would progress naturally. This I exacerbated by the fact that she is really busy so I don't get much chance to connect with her.

I'm also dealing with some jealousy based on the fact that they both have much higher sex drives than me and seem more compatible. I feel quite insecure about that.

I think maybe we threw ourselves in a the deep end of poly and I'm still learning to swim. Any resources and advice are welcome.

Cheers!
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Old 05-16-2018, 07:03 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Greetings Eevee93,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I don't know if I can help, but here are some links for jealousy:
Hope that helps.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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Old 05-17-2018, 01:48 AM
Ravenscroft Ravenscroft is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eevee93 View Post
We are all bisexual
So, when is the last time he touched a penis.

Like, exactly.
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Old 05-17-2018, 09:43 AM
Evie Evie is offline
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Back off, Ravenscroft.
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Old 05-18-2018, 12:47 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eevee93 View Post
Hi.

My boyfriend of five years started dating another woman about 15 months ago. I was happy for both of them. We are all bisexual, and she and I have been developing our own relationship.

My boyfriend and I live together, and she lives separately so far, but stays with us often. I really like her as a friend, and we have had fun in bed a couple times, but I feel like our relationship is being forced to be deeper than it would progress naturally. This is exacerbated by the fact that she is really busy so I don't get much chance to connect with her.
Who is forcing you to be closer to her than you wish to be? Is it because you and your bf host her so often, more often than you'd like? Do you want her to be in your home less? Tell her this, tell your bf this. Some people like their own homes to be their haven. Others like a lot of privacy. If she's there a lot, you can't relax and enjoy your "me-time" enough. Tell your bf that he needs to go to her place, or get a hotel room, or whatever. You're just not up for a frequent visitor. Just because you're poly doesn't mean you have to host your partner's other partner any time they wish. Some poly hinges travel between their 2 partners homes, and the two arms of the V never meet. Would you prefer something more like that?

Quote:
I'm also dealing with some jealousy based on the fact that they both have much higher sex drives than me, and seem more compatible. I feel quite insecure about that.
It sounds like you've had threeway sex a couple/few times with your bf and your metamour. Was it out of jealousy or envy that you did that? If you don't enjoy threeways, don't do them.

And if your sex drive is lower than your bf's or his gf's, well, so be it. However, they might still be in the throes of NRE (new relationship energy) and that increases sexual desire.

My gf's sex drive is lower than mine, so she actually LIKES it when I go to another person for the sex I need that she can't provide. It takes the pressure off of her, and actually, oddly, increases her sexual desire for me! But then, I don't neglect her when I am seeing someone else. I don't make her feel inadequate. I respect her libido just happens to be lower than mine. I let her come to me for sex when she wants it and I always respond positively to her advances.

Quote:
I think maybe we threw ourselves in a the deep end of poly and I'm still learning to swim. Any resources and advice are welcome.
If you feel you're in over your head, you need to tell your bf this. You can ask him to slow down a bit while you emotionally catch up to all the changes polyamory has brought to your lives. You can't force him to slow down, of course. But you can request it, and tell him you feel overwhelmed and need more nurturing and care from him, and to have his gf in YOUR house less.

I hope she is not "more" compatible with him than you are. I hope it's just the lure of something new and shiny that is making him neglect your needs. Speak up and tell him you need more reassurance from him. More romance, more help around the house, more real "dates," a vacation together, less time sitting by while he texts gf for hours? Whatever it is that would help you. What would that be?
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