Steal away! I'll post more once I find the time to really articulate all the thoughts I've been having around his text.
In the meanwhile, a small revelation: my recent difficulties with the whole libido thing are not so much disinterest in sex per se, but rather specifically about me not getting it on. It's increasingly difficult for me to become aroused, and the situation is not helped by the fact that I get anxious if I feel I need to perform for the other person to feel good about the encounter and themselves.
I have zero difficulty with making others feel all sugar and spice and all things nice, but my erogenous zones tend to hibernate and shy away from touching. It's still possible for me to become aroused, but I need a reaction from my partner - it doesn't happen on my own, or when I'm the one being touched
. And when I'm all dried up and worried about what to say and how to escape the situation, all touching is rather painful.
Luckily, I did manage to talk to Vanilla about this. She had been worried about an imbalance in the time we spend on each other sexually, with her getting the majority of attention and effort. I told her it's immensely liberating to be able to give her pleasure even when I'm not feeling that sexual on my own, and because the pressure is off, I often manage to get in the game myself, too, later in the process.
I'm not suffering the least bit but I do realize this problem-o-mine needs to be addressed if I am to build lasting sexual relationships. I hope the medication will eventually even out, and we managed some small progress with Vanilla already last night, with some non-goal oriented touching, and although it was a bit painful in the end, it didn't dampen the mood. I still feel there's a long way before I feel like even remotely ready to be sexual with anyone else, but progress is progress.