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  #11  
Old 12-07-2017, 05:17 AM
anamikanon anamikanon is offline
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So now we have a person who looks at women as "toys" for sexual play.

And someone who has also lied to you.

All I can say is sometimes our hormones can have us derailing our dignity.
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  #12  
Old 12-07-2017, 06:22 AM
Sipstar Sipstar is offline
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Leaving is a scary thought. I find myself trying to defend him. Love is a funny thing I guess.
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  #13  
Old 12-07-2017, 12:28 PM
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FallenAngelina FallenAngelina is offline
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  • Quote:
    Originally Posted by Sipstar View Post
  • I have a history of staying when I shouldn't...
  • I brought it to his attention and he started seeing me as an aurhority figure telling him what to do, and he rebelled. At the time all I could do was suck it up and cry myself asleep or leave, and I actually had the plans together to leave when he gave in and kicked her out......
  • he wants a "toy". Someone he could be sexual with, and generally go hang out with. Somehow this "toy" ended up being my ex's wife. ...
  • Most women describe my fiance as a drug....
  • he is actively looking for another woman to replace his current "toy" with, and when he does he will completely drop her. ...
  • Leaving is a scary thought. I find myself trying to defend him

Each of these is a giant, waving red flag.
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  #14  
Old 12-07-2017, 01:01 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Quote:
Leaving is a scary thought. I find myself trying to defend him. Love is a funny thing I guess.
I can understand leaving being a scary thought. You may have things entangled if you had been planning on getting married that will take time to untangle if you choose to leave.

I can also understand wanting to defend him. You still love him. You don't want to leave, maybe you just want the poor behavior to stop.

But it isn't stopping. So... caught between a rock/hard place.

Be careful. If he views people as "toys"... you might be one of them.


You deserve to be treated WELL. I'm sorry that is not happening here.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 12-07-2017 at 01:04 PM.
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  #15  
Old 12-07-2017, 10:31 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Re (from Sipstar):
Quote:
"I don't know what you mean by cowgirl."
A cowgirl is a woman who pretends to be fine with a poly situation she's in (such as your husband dating her, as long as you knew and consented), but covertly she plans to "lasso your husband away" and keep him for herself.
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  #16  
Old 12-08-2017, 01:32 PM
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FallenAngelina FallenAngelina is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Re (from Sipstar):


A cowgirl is a woman who pretends to be fine with a poly situation she's in (such as your husband dating her, as long as you knew and consented), but covertly she plans to "lasso your husband away" and keep him for herself.
This is correct and I would add that nobody can lasso anyone without that person's very willing cooperation. This goes for affairs as well as poly situations. Nobody can take anyone's emotional involvement away from a relationship unless that person wants to be taken. "Cowgirls" really don't exist, IMNSHO. It's just one more term that we have for the demonization of the way in which we fear women's sexual power. Witches, sirens, fallen women, cowgirls - all seem to have the power to sexually lure unsuspecting men away from their otherwise upstanding lives. There's a whole lot of cooperative intention and behavior coming from the man, as well, otherwise the situation wouldn't even be happening.
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Last edited by FallenAngelina; 12-08-2017 at 07:28 PM.
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  #17  
Old 12-08-2017, 02:42 PM
TexasD TexasD is offline
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While I don't have a lot of experience in the poly world, I'm no stranger to relationships. I give you huge props for trying to make this work. But like others have said, I would seriously question the heart of someone who claims to love you AND chooses someone who has been an itegral component in your heartbreak.

Blaring red flags, sista.
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  #18  
Old 12-08-2017, 04:40 PM
Rockit49 Rockit49 is offline
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Default Welcome to the Forum!

Welcome.. Please relax and let this place sink in a bit!
Drink something soothing while reading and sharing, not alcoholic please, eat something while at it too. Take care of self, sleep plenty.

Listen to the ladys experience.
And my hat goes into the " Run away and don't look back for a bit" bucket! Incase you are wondering you know... About your situation. Yeah it's not easy... We understand... Most of us have been it, seen it, or it's coming, you know( crazy situations we get into).

Again welcome, I'm Rockit!

Last edited by Rockit49; 12-08-2017 at 04:43 PM.
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