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  #11  
Old 08-07-2016, 01:09 AM
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Amarna Amarna is offline
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Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight View Post
How's your Spanish? Are you aware that the first part of your name, amar, means "to love"?

I'd like to share a bit of song lyric with you. It's from Luis Eduardo Aute's song "Albanta":

y amar es la flor
más perfecta que crece en tu jardín

Now, if he'd written
"y amor es la flor
más perfecta que crece en tu jardín"
with an o in the 2nd word, it would mean "and Love is the...".

But he wrote "amar", with 2 a's, so the whole thing means:
"and to love is the most perfect flower that grows in your garden."

(I've been searching for a video of this song to link to, but all I can find are concert or radio versions, where Aute changes the lyrics completely. The lyrics I've linked to [including the snippet I've translated] are those of the studio album version.)
I actually know very little Spanish. Thank you for sharing those lyrics all the same though, I love that my user name can be interpreted partially that way! Funny how things work out.

I'm a huge history geek and Amarna is the site established by Akhenaten (my favorite pharaoh) as his new capital.
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  #12  
Old 08-07-2016, 01:14 AM
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So...I went on that date last night. It went well, we both seemed to have fun and said that we hope to do it again. Just did coffee, a walk and then wandered about a gift shop for a bit. Lots of laughs, he's got a great sense of humor.

I was asked back to his apartment. But wasn't totally feeling that yet, more a safety guideline than anything else, he was a gentleman about that though and seemed to totally understand. He did text me last night and this morning for a bit so I think we'll end up going out a second time.
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  #13  
Old 08-09-2016, 11:10 PM
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So...big life thing...I had to resign from my museum job. There's some mixed feelings about this, I did like the work and hate letting people down but the super long hours (due to increase to even more!) were taking a toll on home life and time with the kids especially, I'd get home and only have an hour with my youngest before her bed time. So Mechanic and I talked about it and decided that I would stay at home with the kids while he works his full time job (with lots of overtime so you can imagine the scheduling trouble we were having here!) and I do some work at home stuff I've been doing. I'm glad to be home with the kids and have been greatly appreciating the not-so-strained schedule.

I've had a good day today overall.

Spent a considerable amount of time talking to Gamer the past few days about everything from big life stuff to silly things like the correct way to wash and dry dishes. (He won that one.)

Got the kids registered at the public school, my youngest is so excited to start preschool it's just the cutest thing.

Set a second date with new guy for later this week. Same thing as last time basically, coffee shop and a walk. Should be a fun time. I'm looking forward to it.

Talked with my sister for a bit about her possibly doing training program to teach English in Prague. She's pretty much my best friend so while I would her it does seem like a great opportunity so of course will be supportive.

And then lastly spent some time planning a birthday dinner for myself and a close friend who I happen to share a birthday with. Our birthday is a few weeks away but she's the type to like to get things on the calendar early, lol. We're going to do dinner at a favorite Indian place. I'm looking forward to that.

Wow! All that typed up it's been a pretty busy day! No wonder I'm looking forward to an introvert night with dairy free ice cream and video games while Mechanic is out with his lady friend, haha.
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  #14  
Old 08-10-2016, 11:42 AM
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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I've started a new part time job working for a museum. (Yay!) I love the work and it's a great way to get my foot in the door, I've always wanted to work in museums and want to get my museum studies degree at some point in the future.
WHAT a shame that this didn't work out! Were they trying to push you into full-time? Less than a month of this dream job...
Quote:
I did like the work and hate letting people down
Be careful not to feel guilty about this! if they wanted to increase your working hours less than a month after signing a contract with you, one POV would be that they have let you down.

Like Gamer, you are a person who has their priorities right. One hour in the evening with your youngest is not enough... and that was going to be cut.

Can you study on-line for a future career in museums? Do [limited-time tailored to your needs] volunteer work to get the practical experience? (Though if you did volunteer work for the same museum that wanted to increase your workload, that might feel like too much capitulation.)
Quote:
Spent a considerable amount of time talking to Gamer the past few days about everything from big life stuff to silly things like the correct way to wash and dry dishes. (He won that one.)
Learn to use your defeats to your advantage. In the future, whenever dishes have to be washed and dried, you can tell him: "You're the expert. You do it."

So your sister might be going Bohemian! From what I read/hear, Prague (Praha) appears a really attractive choice for an overseas job. You might miss her (I guess that "miss" is the missing word from your post ), but remember
a) if she's only going for a short placement, she'll soon be back;
b) if she's going long-term, you might get a hotel-bill-free European holiday out of it some day! ("Prague is the fifth most visited European city after London, Paris, Istanbul and Rome. Prague's low cost of living makes it a popular destination for expats relocating to Europe." - from wikipedia, though the underlining is mine)

As someone who has spent most of my life in countries where English is a foreign language (including 13 years as a child where I didn't learn the local language... and have since bitterly regretted it ), let me give your sister this bit of advice: start to learn Czech BEFORE you [I'm speaking to your sister, you understand] go. From books, on-line, or at classes, whatever. And improve your knowledge once you're there. (Once you're there, you can pin up notices at the university: "Native speaker [U.S. American] with English-teaching credentials offers English conversation in exchange for Czech conversation". You'll be inundated with offers. And it's a great way to make friends [and learn all those swear words they don't teach in language schools ]!) I suggest a [weekly? perhaps more often when you're starting out] dinner party ("Bring a dish from your country") with several participants (possible English-Czech mix) where 1/2 the time is spent in English, the other 1/2 in Japanese . Maybe you could suggest that in your original notice. Try to stick to the rule: NO TRANSLATING! (This goes for formal classes in the language school, too.) Use hand-gestures, simpler words in the same language, charades (this can get silly... and fun) to get across your meaning. (But a strict application of this rule might have to be postponed until you're all more advanced.)

Once you've (pretty much) mastered Czech (and if you're there for the long haul), you can use this tactic to learn other languages (even - this time - Japanese). European cities are cosmopolitan. Take advantage and get some culture. (If your sister's your best friend and she wants to work in a museum - and you choose to work in Prague - I don't want to imply that you are presently without culture. )

I have witnessed how (especially Yanks and Brits) who don't bother learning the local language are resented. And - unlike Britons - the citizens of every other country I've been in are SO happy - and so patient and helpful - when obvious foreigners make stumbling attempts to communicate in their language. You want to be a goodwill embassador for the USA in Prague? Don't only teach them: learn from them. The latter is MUCH more effective.

***
Back to Amarna: I'm glad to read that - on balance - things are going well for you. Keep us [me] informed. These past few days I've been looking for updates from you.
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  #15  
Old 08-10-2016, 12:46 PM
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Amarna Amarna is offline
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Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight View Post
WHAT a shame that this didn't work out! Were they trying to push you into full-time? Less than a month of this dream job... Be careful not to feel guilty about this! if they wanted to increase your working hours less than a month after signing a contract with you, one POV would be that they have let you down.

Like Gamer, you are a person who has their priorities right. One hour in the evening with your youngest is not enough... and that was going to be cut.

Can you study on-line for a future career in museums? Do [limited-time tailored to your needs] volunteer work to get the practical experience? (Though if you did volunteer work for the same museum that wanted to increase your workload, that might feel like too much capitulation.)Learn to use your defeats to your advantage. In the future, whenever dishes have to be washed and dried, you can tell him: "You're the expert. You do it."

So your sister might be going Bohemian! From what I read/hear, Prague (Praha) appears a really attractive choice for an overseas job. You might miss her (I guess that "miss" is the missing word from your post ), but remember
a) if she's only going for a short placement, she'll soon be back;
b) if she's going long-term, you might get a hotel-bill-free European holiday out of it some day! ("Prague is the fifth most visited European city after London, Paris, Istanbul and Rome. Prague's low cost of living makes it a popular destination for expats relocating to Europe." - from wikipedia, though the underlining is mine)

As someone who has spent most of my life in countries where English is a foreign language (including 13 years as a child where I didn't learn the local language... and have since bitterly regretted it ), let me give your sister this bit of advice: start to learn Czech BEFORE you [I'm speaking to your sister, you understand] go. From books, on-line, or at classes, whatever. And improve your knowledge once you're there. (Once you're there, you can pin up notices at the university: "Native speaker [U.S. American] with English-teaching credentials offers English conversation in exchange for Czech conversation". You'll be inundated with offers. And it's a great way to make friends [and learn all those swear words they don't teach in language schools ]!) I suggest a [weekly? perhaps more often when you're starting out] dinner party ("Bring a dish from your country") with several participants (possible English-Czech mix) where 1/2 the time is spent in English, the other 1/2 in Japanese . Maybe you could suggest that in your original notice. Try to stick to the rule: NO TRANSLATING! (This goes for formal classes in the language school, too.) Use hand-gestures, simpler words in the same language, charades (this can get silly... and fun) to get across your meaning. (But a strict application of this rule might have to be postponed until you're all more advanced.)

Once you've (pretty much) mastered Czech (and if you're there for the long haul), you can use this tactic to learn other languages (even - this time - Japanese). European cities are cosmopolitan. Take advantage and get some culture. (If your sister's your best friend and she wants to work in a museum - and you choose to work in Prague - I don't want to imply that you are presently without culture. )

I have witnessed how (especially Yanks and Brits) who don't bother learning the local language are resented. And - unlike Britons - the citizens of every other country I've been in are SO happy - and so patient and helpful - when obvious foreigners make stumbling attempts to communicate in their language. You want to be a goodwill embassador for the USA in Prague? Don't only teach them: learn from them. The latter is MUCH more effective.

***
Back to Amarna: I'm glad to read that - on balance - things are going well for you. Keep us [me] informed. These past few days I've been looking for updates from you.
Yes, they were wanting to give me just enough hours to be under what would require full time status with benefits and overtime but still basically full time. So I wouldn't have even benefited from it that much. I was also promised a pay raise and supervisory training within a week or two of starting and that was a pipe dream as well it seems. It was supposed to be just a weekend job with maybe another day in the week as needed and ended up being much more than that.

I've thought about an online degree program, it's something I might explore in the future, just taking some time now to adjust to the changes in our lives before adding more onto our plate. I might volunteer at another (closer) museum, the one I worked at was an hour away so it's not really convenient to volunteer there when others are closer. Or at the local library at least once the girls start school next month.

And haha, thank you for the advice. I'm totally going to use that line on him if we ever end up cooking together and dishes must be done.

Yes, I will miss her, she's my best friend on top of being my sister, but I know how important it is to her to travel and see new parts of the world so want to encourage her. The training part of the program she's considering lasts a month and then she'd want to work in Prague or somewhere in the Czech Republic I guess for at least a year or two. I definitely would visit if at all possible, lol, it's a great excuse to travel and I'd finally get out of the country!

I will definitely advise her to consider learning the language before leaving. You made some good points.
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  #16  
Old 08-10-2016, 01:12 PM
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Amarna Amarna is offline
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So...I thought things were improving with Mechanic but now I'm not so sure. *frustrated sigh*

Last night he got home from his date and after cuddling for a bit he wanted to know if I was planning on sleeping with New Guy on Friday when we go out, and said that he didn't think it would be a good idea before I could even answer him. Now, I'm not planning on that happening but really don't like it when Mechanic tries to place limits like that on my relationships. It feels like he doesn't trust my judgement and wants me to do things at a much slower and restricted pace than he does.

I told him how that made me feel and pointed out that I have never asked anything similar of him and that he does not exhibit the same restraint with relationships that he expects of me. I asked where this was coming from and he admitted that it was insecurity on his part which is something but it still feels like things are unresolved on that front.

Then this morning I wasn't feeling well so went to the bathroom and when I came back Mechanic was on my phone, looking through my messages. What's further is he lied to me about it and said that he was just checking the weather on it because his phone wasn't working right. But when I went to use it the messages were up and it was obvious he was looking through them.

I tell him everything that would be important to him that I talk about with other people. But he also knows that sometimes I talk to my sister about things in her life that she isn't comfortable sharing and that somethings I talk to Gamer about (like his wife's medical stuff and things he might be struggling with) are really not for other people to know and not something that I feel right sharing because it's not my information to share or our attempts at awkward e-flirting which I don't like being an open book about because the confidence is just not there, lol. Again, it's like he doesn't trust me and it's a violation of not just my trust but also other people's.

I'm angrier though that he blatantly lied to me about it more than anything else. He's always doing things like that, if its something he thinks will upset me he'll just lie rather than be honest. This has always been a point of difficulty for us and I just don't know what to do anymore. In the past he's kept lying about it to the point where it's felt like gaslighting to a degree. I'll know what I saw and know that what he's giving me is an entirely irrational/unlikely explanation but he'll keep insisting until I begin to doubt myself or turn my hurt feelings around until I feel even worse for feeling bad/upset/betrayed because it hurts him.

I did some research on gaslighting this morning and came across a Psychology Today article that listed some "signs":

"1. You are constantly second-guessing yourself
2. You ask yourself, "Am I too sensitive?" a dozen times a day.
3. You often feel confused and even crazy at work.
4. You're always apologizing to your mother, father, boyfriend, boss.
5. You can't understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren't happier.
6. You frequently make excuses for your partner's behavior to friends and family.
7. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don't have to explain or make excuses.
8. You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.
9. You start lying to avoid the put downs and reality twists.
10. You have trouble making simple decisions.
11. You have the sense that you used to be a very different person - more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.
12. You feel hopeless and joyless.
13. You feel as though you can't do anything right.
14. You wonder if you are a "good enough" girlfriend/ wife/employee/ friend; daughter.
15. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don't have to explain or make excuses."

Unfortunately a lot of those things apply to me. I'm going to spend some more time today doing some more research.
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  #17  
Old 08-10-2016, 01:13 PM
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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Originally Posted by Amarna View Post
Yes, they were wanting to give me just enough hours to be under what would require full time status with benefits and overtime but still basically full time. So I wouldn't have even benefited from it that much. I was also promised a pay raise and supervisory training within a week or two of starting and that was a pipe dream as well it seems.
Even more reason(s) for you not to feel that you've let them down.
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I will definitely advise her to consider learning the language before leaving. You made some good points.
HEY! I spent a fair amount of time, energy, and thought putting that little advice packet together. And you want to "advise her to consider learning the language before leaving"??? Sheesh! You might not want to show her this thread (I can understand that), but the least that you can do is copy and paste the whole of my advice and pass it on to her entire. Mutter mutter mumble squawk... ()
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  #18  
Old 08-10-2016, 01:30 PM
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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DOUBLE BUMMER!!!

Can you stay on-line... or come back in 6 minutes?
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  #19  
Old 08-10-2016, 01:45 PM
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Amarna Amarna is offline
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DOUBLE BUMMER!!!

Can you stay on-line... or come back in 6 minutes?
I'll be off and on all day most likely. Dealing with kids will do that to a person, lol.
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  #20  
Old 08-10-2016, 01:47 PM
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Amarna Amarna is offline
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Even more reason(s) for you not to feel that you've let them down.HEY! I spent a fair amount of time, energy, and thought putting that little advice packet together. And you want to "advise her to consider learning the language before leaving"??? Sheesh! You might not want to show her this thread (I can understand that), but the least that you can do is copy and paste the whole of my advice and pass it on to her entire. Mutter mutter mumble squawk... ()
Haha, yeah, I wouldn't share this thread with her, though she does know about poly and roughly where things are with that in my life. I will copy and paste your comments to her. Promise!
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