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  #821  
Old 01-13-2018, 03:16 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Second meet/first date with Mr Chef.
He threw out the enchiladas as they were "stale." Could you not freeze them? He said the dish would lose its integrity if frozen. The man has no idea
So when I arrived he had some friends there, he mixed me a drink and I am half way into when I realize I am too drunk to drive, he says I am welcome to stay over so I have another one. I then lost interest in food so we went out to a swanky restaurant/piano bar place where he knew the manager, and we had another drink and he ordered take out. 3 drinks and I was toasty. There was some making out but nothing much else. Which was good. We had already both agreed that if I stayed over there wouldn't be any sex.
He went out this morning, very early, and got coffee and pastries, we chatted over breakfast and then I went to work. I texted him a "Thank you and I had fun," and then... silence.
By the time it was 6 hours later I was fairly sure that the next message I received was going to be a "thanks but no thanks" but you what? I didn't text him first. I waited it out. It was actually very difficult not to initiate but I really didn't want to chase and I am working on cooling my intensity with new people.
I decided to go for a nap because not texting was so challenging. He sent me a "Me too!, Whoops I forgot to press send earlier," message. We had a couple of brief messages but I am going to keep it very low key over the weekend.
Haha he just sent me a couple of messages.
I think it's fair to say things are going ok.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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  #822  
Old 01-14-2018, 04:53 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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"People" laugh at me because of my desire to have a set of relationship guidelines to follow. I have been like this for years, not at all happy with idea of "go with the flow." I have probably written about it here multiple times. Asking why people and relationships don't come with handbooks.
My boss has taken to referring to me as the policy expert at work. I do really enjoy that type of work and seeing her put it into text helped me connect work interests and personal relationships.

I have been trying to keep calmer with Mr Chef, not to fall into NRE and overwhelm him with communication. The couple of times when I did purposefully stop texting yesterday he initiated a few hours later.

We had some fun banter while the kids and I were making pizza. As my older child said, the bases turned out "awkwardly shaped." But we had fun in the kitchen together. Mr Chef was sending pro-tips via text. "You are using semolina to stop them sticking to the stone that has been preheated to 500?" And "don't pin your dough unless making paper-thin flatbread type bases." I sent him a text pic of younger kid rolling out a triangular shaped base. I pretty much think we did nearly all of it wrong. Prof used to be in charge and had a wire mesh base tray which held the dough in shape. But how bad can things covered in tomato sauce and cheese be? Not bad at all.

I am trying to work out if he is a "playa," does he plan to hit-it-and-quit-it? I am not sure. there seem to be some positive signs, he got a friend to get him a new set of duvet covers and help make the bed. People in the service industries do make beds look fantastic! He has hired a cleaner and ordered new furniture for the living room, throwing out all the old and mismatched stuff ( I told him to call the Goodwill for pick-up ). I am interpreting this as a good sign, that he wants to impress me? And no, in no way have I said or indicated in anyway that he needs to do this for me. The first time I went to his house he kept saying he was so embarrassed. I don't know why, it wasn't dirty and definitely not untidy.

Anyway, I am still clicking around on Bumble, and a little on Coffee meets Bagel ( which is soooo slooooow ) so as not to put all my eggs in one basket.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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  #823  
Old 01-16-2018, 02:06 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I have been telling myself not to text Mr Chef too much and keep cool. It has not been a huge success. I have tried leaving larger gaps between the messages, but he will also text chit chat stuff and it drives me nuts not reply promptly if I have the time. I told him the texting will very much slow down this week.
He put the breaks on it himself by texting, a very long text, about his friend who is moving in for a few days and so he would be dealing with that and would be sidelined for a few days. He did already tell me about the friend and the issues so it wasn't a big surprise. The same wall o' text started with the words that he "planned on seeing you again," which I take as positive.
I don't know. My first flush of over-excitement is fading. He told me to google him. I did. But I am a lot better at research than he I could possibly imagine and using a rather creative route came across his POF profile. It says he is not looking for anything serious or any kind of commitment. I know that is a standard POF box to check, but I do find it off-putting. However, he also has the body type box of "athletic" checked. Yeah, no, that is in no way true. But this does confirm my "playa" type suspicions.
Well, I'll see if he does reappear in a couple of days.

On a different note, I do seem have to given up the recycling of ex-partners that was kind of inspired by Prof. I am still maintaining contact with Mr Dom but have not bothered with any of the others that I could potentially hit-up. I don't think keeping in contact with exs is going to be my cup of tea, I have tried it for a few years now and feel safe to safe, it just isn't my style. Also, I have no need to meet people and talk to strangers. I made it a New Year's Resolution a few years ago and really did make a big effort. Within the work context there is no choice, but in the social sense I have had enough of trying to be chatty and social. I like people one-on-one. I am heading towards stick shaking and telling young folks to get off my lawn.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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  #824  
Old 01-17-2018, 02:07 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I have no idea why the mind wanders to the worst case scenarios but it does.
I chatted to Mr Chef for 3 hours last night. It was fun! I put on my big girl pants and asked him about the weekend. He said he took for granted ( or similar verbage ) that we were seeing each other. I said I wouldn't assume something lie that. He asked about Thursday and I said I don't have Thursday this weekend and my other time is already taken. He was a bit surprised by that. I said I didn't want to be pushy and he was all about having the schedule with virtually nothing on it and visiting was entirely dependent on my free time.Pretty much whenever I wanted to see him he would make it work. That was good, got that cleared up.

We talked condoms and STD testing. We talked cooking. We talked some about how sex was going to work. I told him that he needed to work out that before I got there! He invited me to a family cabin for Saturday, it has hot pools and all sorts apparently. I said I was very keen but how did he plan to walk and is he sure about sticking his feet in hot water? So that plan got put on the back burner. He then suggested his friend's property for the night. I gather it is a large place, lots of rooms. I threw cold water on that too, but in a nice way.I said it is maybe a little too much pressure for first time sex to be at a strange house and we have no idea how much he can actually do.

Where is my issue for today? He deleted his Bumble account but not his POF. Any kind of speculation turned negative when I googled the difference between "Unmatch" and "Delete" accounts.
I am going with the worst possible explanation and I am thinking he meant to "unmatch" me but didn't know how and deleted his account instead. Taking the nuclear option.
I haven't heard from him all day. I sent a couple of texts at around 8 am about printing some paperwork for him. He actually has a pattern of not texting for long blocks of time, so that is not usual.

I put up and take down my OLD accounts regularly, sometimes multiple times in a day. I deleted Tinder entirely a week or so ago, but made a new account last night. I have written about my reason on here before; annoyed, can't be bothered, occasionally hiding!
oh oh another reason? He could have been having issues with someone else.

My first thought on the matter was. "How sweet, he must really like me!"
Closely followed by the negatives. How easy it is to fall down that deep dark hole.

But on the whole I think I am doing well and learning. I didn't keep on texting after he said he was busy. I didn't text today after the first ones this morning and I didn't contact him to ask what was up with Bumble. I am writing here instead. Air my dirty insecurities online.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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  #825  
Old 01-17-2018, 02:20 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I did not text. It's hard! I definitely have a touch of the NRE Or more realistically it is New Crush Energy.
I did have some dreams last night where he didn't call or text at all and it was fine. I went back to swiping. It's reassuring to know my subconscious is being sensible about things.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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  #826  
Old 01-19-2018, 03:33 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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He popped up again. He has made apple caramel cheesecake with streusel. I told him there had better be some left for the weekend I then outright asked for a chocolate mousse. His response was that he makes a white chocolate mousse. I care not for the "is white chocolate actually chocolate or not" debate. It works for me.
He asked to call me last night and chat on the phone but I was busy. It's funny, I was slammed all day yesterday and into the evening and I could tell that he was wondering why I wasn't responding quickly.
Mr Dom sent me the simple " busy?" text as I wasn't chatting with him either. Definitely being a little unavailable seems to create interest.

Mr Dom and I still chat nearly all day M-F. He was down in this area at the weekend with his "person", but also still has his Bumble account up, interesting. I declined to meet him and new person, but I would like to see him again soon. I miss the dog. I might ask to dog borrow in the near future.


I had an old Tinder person pop up tonight. Took a while to work out who he was. I had never met him, as I had never met 13 out of 15 Tinder people. I asked him to send a screen shot of our conversation. The conversation ended with him asking me for my number, I gave him my google voice number and that was it. Poof!
I called him on it. and he said he was seeing someone so didn't call me, he forgot, he has a bad memory and she was a "mofo."
Well, now, let me get my diary and block off my next free time for us to meet. How could I resist a man who calls his most recent date a "mofo,"? I predict a nasty message or 2 in my near future. Actually, I'll just block now.

I have a pretty full weekend planned. A night in a cabin tomorrow, karaoke, mani/pedi, and Mr Chef!
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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  #827  
Old 01-19-2018, 03:25 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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I am going to write about the little feels.
He didn't call last night at the prearranged time at 9 pm. I sent a text at 9:15 pm then went to bed, pretty disappointed. I get up this morning and think about if I ever don't make a promised call, yes, and if people don't make calls to me, yes. I left work yesterday with a couple of unmade calls on my list and I had a few that took me a couple of days to get round too. So, going straight fro "he didn't call on time," to "this will never work" is maybe a bit drastic, but that is what I was thinking.
Then I check my email. He didn't message till a little after 10pm, but it was to say he had left his phone in his friends car and could we Facebook Messenger instead?
How does one not mentally go to the worst case scenario? I wonder if it is my gut saying this is not a good fit, but so far he hasn't actually done anything wrong or out of the ordinary. It is my expectations that are borderline unreasonable. I think I am doing mostly OK with it not spilling out and keeping it in check. But how can it be me being unreasonable????? it must be them
Actually he did ghost right in the beginning for 3 days. Flaked on the meeting. Ok. I have grounds.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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  #828  
Old 01-21-2018, 06:21 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Things have been fine for the past few days, messages and phone calls.

I drove down to see him yesterday and we made dinner. Wow! but he has crazy knife skills I suppose all chefs do, but it was amazing to see up close.
Sex was not great, condom issues and he said the hadn't actually had sex in over a year. So definitely some nerves at play. He ended up not cuming. We took a little break and didn't get back to it. During the break things got a little odd. And yes there was drinking.

He keeps asking me how I got one his email addresses and I keep saying you sent me a message first and replied using it. He said no, he didn't use that account for anything but legal stuff. and I am like ( shrug) I just press reply and I don't know. I couldn't access that account from my phone because I couldn't remember the password ( it is saved in Chrome ). When I got home a short while ago I checked, and it was the very first message that he sent to me came from that account. Then he said he was talking to his friend from a different city who knew me. I said I don't think I know anyone from there. Then he clarified that his friend knew about my job and it was a bit of a deal. I got a weird look about that. Like why hadn't I told him. I have told him about my work, I am not big deal and have no desire to be a big deal.

He asked me how many boyfriends I have got. It felt the angle he was going at with that question was why would I bother with him with the health issues. I told him I am very attracted to people that know more stuff about certain things than I do.

Then it was, they had tried to google me, his friend thought I was an insurance claims adjuster out to get Mr Chef because I don't have an online presence. I said well what name did you use? And he was using my married name. It all felt a bit weird and that I needed to prove who I was, and the irony is not lost on me that I had fun googling him the other day. I told him we could pull up my work site and I am listed on there and the kids birth announcements are available online. I ended up going to bed definitely a bit annoyed and he fell asleep in a chair in the living room. It was very cold. He has one small electric heater working as the main heating is currently awaiting repair. I tried at least 3 times to get him up to come to bed but he was fast asleep. I put a blanket over him. In the morning he was in major pain took some pain meds and said he was going to sleep till probably 1pm. Which is his pattern.
I left at 8:30 am. He obviously wasn't in the mood to talk. I said I would still like to see him again and he said he thought I was really angry. I said I wasn't angry but some stuff felt accusatory. I repeated some of the stuff from last night and he said that is not what he said. I said he has brought up the email thing a few times and it is weird.

So tl:dr. Aren't these early days supposed to easy? What is with all the effort? I wouldn't be surprised to get the "Thanks, but no thanks" text later today.

Why do I repeatedly get into these "misunderstandings"? It seems not unlike how things went with Mr Golf.

Can be purely be the alcohol? I was a bit tipsy but definitely not drunk. He drank a lot more than I did.

Dating is tough!
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.

Last edited by Atlantis; 01-21-2018 at 06:31 PM.
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  #829  
Old 01-22-2018, 01:38 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Location: USA
Posts: 997
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I just called but he didn't answer.
I have an unanswered text, an email and now a phone call out. I probably reek of desperation at this point. I am just not so patient as to wait for the hammer to fall. I am so negative about the situation. It will be a self-fulfilling prophecy if I don't get a grip.
I was chatting to my friend and she said she thought it was typical me behavior. Going for a man who is pretty much unavailable, he can't drive, lives an hour away, has significant health and pain issues, is awake most of the night and sleeps for most of the day. She says I do it to keep my mind busy, it keeps life interesting and he is really not a good fit. I absolutely agree. I said if I could pack up and leave then I would to shake up my life then I would. She said her mum is the same. Just leaves when she didn't like a situation anymore. But I can't because of the divorce. So I create man chaos and to some degree work chaos, in the sense that I like to change jobs every few years. It is the boredom of living in a small town. I need to work on contentment and gratitude for where I live, but it's driving me nuts.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.

Last edited by Atlantis; 01-22-2018 at 02:51 AM.
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  #830  
Old 01-23-2018, 01:59 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 997
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I sent a cheery text this afternoon to Mr Chef about meeting for a small plate and drink. No reply.
Ah well.
I am in the place where I want to throw it all up in the air and just move! So frustrating. I am trying to count my blessings, appreciate how fortunate I am in so many ways, but, but, but...the frustration of being stuck in a 25 mile area is driving me nuts and there is nothing I can do about it.

What can I shake up? Work. I phoned a colleague about a reference, she is pretty shocked but willing. I will submit my ones that are a year out of date but ask write in my cover letter why they are a little old.

I don't know what else. I am not signing up for any classes. I mostly feel like doing lots of sex. I called Eeyore and left a message. I miss having multiple long term lovers. Commitment without the escalator and I get to spread my intensity. I just swiped right on a picture of a man with a bunch of dead fish, on purpose. Oh dear
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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