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  #231  
Old 11-26-2017, 01:08 AM
Tinwen Tinwen is offline
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Or... you know what... I should drop that overthinking. (You're still free to comment of course if you like.)

I'm lonely today.

Idealist has left for the weekend. After yesterday's sadistic bondage evening, and the festival last weekend, I'm missing him severely today.
He's doing some holotropic breathwork, so he wouldn't respond to my texts. He only sent a "good night" later. I get it, but I am still disappointed that he wouldn't call.
I'm feeling really empty without him now.
Today, I'm definitely in the "I need him".
I guess that could be called withdrawal symptoms if you don't prefer to call it romantic love. (Did I feel this all the time back in our first NRE year? Well, that... must have been awful.)
Or maybe you could call it subdrop. Was it worth it? Absolutely. See two posts above.

I want an even more intense relationship, or rather, one where we don't have to part most evenings.
It seems unattainable. Wishing Meta out of the picture doesn't help, because he doesn't wish her out of the picture.
I should leave to open up possibilities, except that's the exact opposite of the closeness I long for. And no one is saying I can recreate any of the intimate dynamics we have with someone else.

Anyway, I've never tried holotropic breathwork. He's more experienced, but doing it on top of all the emotional stuff we've done in the past week... might end up a bit crazy. I'm curious.
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  #232  
Old 11-27-2017, 03:29 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Hugs.

Hey, you know you might be experiencing sub drop? That might account for some of the loneliness and just being down. I know after being tied or doing some other more intense scene, I drop.

Of course, you could just be missing your partner too!

Hope you begin to feel better.
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  #233  
Old 11-27-2017, 04:01 PM
Tinwen Tinwen is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
Hugs.

Hey, you know you might be experiencing sub drop?
Thanks for the hug
Yes, I'm sure I did.
Although it doesn't usually happen to me (in this way) if we keep contact.
I echo FallenAngelina's thought that subdrop is (often? sometimes?) connected to (the fear of) abandonment.
There can be tiredness after a scene, which can also seem like a "drop", but I don't see any healthy reason to be in pain over it. (And by healthy, I don't mean to judge myself ill, I rather declare that I wanna outgrow this if I see how.)

Anyway, we've already reconnected and I'm feeling better now
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  #234  
Old 11-28-2017, 03:16 AM
icesong icesong is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinwen View Post
Thanks for the hug
Yes, I'm sure I did.
Although it doesn't usually happen to me (in this way) if we keep contact.
I echo FallenAngelina's thought that subdrop is (often? sometimes?) connected to (the fear of) abandonment.
There can be tiredness after a scene, which can also seem like a "drop", but I don't see any healthy reason to be in pain over it. (And by healthy, I don't mean to judge myself ill, I rather declare that I wanna outgrow this if I see how.)

Anyway, we've already reconnected and I'm feeling better now
For me drop is all about using up endorphins - this happened to be Sunday evening. Artist and I did a _really_ intense scene - the kind where you end up having the pain endorphins send you floaty? - and the next evening I found myself utterly craving touching him. Luckily he had forgotten something at my house and said he'd come get it right when I was about to text him and tell him about the drop, otherwise I don't know what would have happened there.

I don't know how exactly one could get over it, though - I always *know* that it's subgroup, and purely hormonal, and yet I _still_ end up feeling the same way. For me the problem is that in my current life Artist and I (Knight and I don't play like this) almost never spend two consecutive full days together, so I'm almost never around him when the drop hits. And it feels weird/inappropriate to cuddle Knight to fix subdrop he didn't cause, at least in this case. (Might be ok if it were drop after a more casual partner, if I had any right now, but...)
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  #235  
Old 11-28-2017, 11:40 AM
Tinwen Tinwen is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by icesong View Post
For me drop is all about using up endorphins - this happened to be Sunday evening. Artist and I did a _really_ intense scene - the kind where you end up having the pain endorphins send you floaty? - and the next evening I found myself utterly craving touching him. Luckily he had forgotten something at my house and said he'd come get it right when I was about to text him and tell him about the drop, otherwise I don't know what would have happened there.
I see... . Thanks for sharing!
Quote:
I don't know how exactly one could get over it, though - I always *know* that it's subgroup, and purely hormonal, and yet I _still_ end up feeling the same way.
For me, it's not only craving touch.
It's about safety and comfort, wanting to hide in his arms.
It's attachment, wanting to merge, and isolation, a feeling of being ripped out of a greater whole into separateness, and not wanting to be a separate individual.
You likely can't make all of it go away, but I'm sure one can get at least a bit better in sitting with oneself and one's own emotions.
As for the "purely hormonal" - once you refer to hormones, you must admit that all emotions are just chemistry. I'm not sure how useful that standpoint is in dealing with them. I prefer a more... spiritual, for lack of a better word... standpoint today.
Quote:
For me the problem is that in my current life Artist and I (Knight and I don't play like this) almost never spend two consecutive full days together, so I'm almost never around him when the drop hits.
Um, well, if you did, you could have an even bigger drop the third day
I feel for me it builds up in time. I had a "drop" after we spent a vacation together, not because of bdsm, but because I became so used to his presence and the week was so wonderful, that afterwards I felt the cravings, and the uncertainty of our unsolved future much more intensively.
Quote:
And it feels weird/inappropriate to cuddle Knight to fix subdrop he didn't cause.
Depends if he minds, did you ask?
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Idealist: my partner, 39
Meta: live-in partner with Idealist, 44

Last edited by Tinwen; 11-28-2017 at 11:43 AM.
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  #236  
Old 11-28-2017, 05:07 PM
icesong icesong is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinwen View Post
Depends if he minds, did you ask?
No, but it's kind of complicated - even the question would have gone a bit badly, I think. I'm going to go write a bit about that on my blog to quit derailing, as there is a pattern here that I'm not entirely thrilled with but not sure how to fix.
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Other Dramatis Personae are detailed in my blog.
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  #237  
Old 11-28-2017, 05:10 PM
Tinwen Tinwen is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by icesong View Post
No, but it's kind of complicated - even the question would have gone a bit badly, I think. I'm going to go write a bit about that on my blog to quit derailing, as there is a pattern here that I'm not entirely thrilled with but not sure how to fix.
So you know he would mind. I'm gonna come to your blog then.
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  #238  
Old 12-13-2017, 12:18 AM
Tinwen Tinwen is offline
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There's a man I like. I kind of admired him as a teenager when I heard him speak on literature and stuff at sci-fi conventions, and now we're meeting every now and then in a social group, and we talk about meditation and stuff. (You know that flattering feeling when you reach common ground with someone who you've been looking up to in the past?)
I wonder if it's a good idea to try making a move on him.
I know he's looking for someone - well, actually I don't know that, but I know he's bought a book called "How to attract women through honesty", LOL.
There are good signs (like being able to connect over self-actualization) and bad signs (like connecting mainly over self-actualization ). I guess the point is I have no idea if it could lead somewhere.
It would be a turmoil of course, if he liked me. Taking on a second partner ... could be hard. On one hand, it might make my situation somewhat easier (that situation where living or having a family with Idealist seems hard and I would prefer a closer primary partner), but I'm not sure if I really have the energy levels to try and sustain being a hinge. It's ... an interesting thought.
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  #239  
Old 12-13-2017, 01:45 AM
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FallenAngelina FallenAngelina is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinwen View Post
I guess the point is I have no idea if it could lead somewhere.
We don't ever know when we start out. The only way to know is to do it.
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  #240  
Old 01-17-2018, 12:02 AM
Tinwen Tinwen is offline
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Quote:
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There's a man I like...
Well, that one pretty much solved itself. I told him I'm into him. He is not.
I'm disappointed of course.
But hey. I can stop pouring energy that direction.
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