Bisexual, Pansexual, Polysexual...is it all semantics?

Recently, I have been doing a lot of soul searching and self-reflection on my sexual identity. I identified as a polyamorous bisexual several years ago. Since I have not actually had sex with a woman yet, some would say I can only call myself "bi-curious" which I find kind of funny. Do virgins have to say they are only "hetero-curious" until they do it? :rolleyes:

I think I have found the best definition for how I feel about my sexual attraction to others in the term "pansexual" which, according to Wiki is synonymous with being gender-blind. I have the most actual experience with men who are both biologically male and who self-identify as heterosexual males. But as for individuals that I have felt attraction for they are varied, including ftm trans. The point is, my attraction to someone is not based on their gender. So to me, pansexual fits - if the gender-blind definition is accurate. But I have found some resources that claim pansexual is a derogatory term.

I am curious what others think about this. :confused:

I know, I know - labels suck. But sometimes you need to use words to explain, you know? When I first read about the idea of pansexuality it was like I finally had a word for what I have been feeling my entire adult life. It was freeing.
 
Recently, I have been doing a lot of soul searching and self-reflection on my sexual identity. I identified as a polyamorous bisexual several years ago. Since I have not actually had sex with a woman yet, some would say I can only call myself "bi-curious" which I find kind of funny. Do virgins have to say they are only "hetero-curious" until they do it? :rolleyes:

No, because not all virgins are hetero! And some virgins are not "curious" at all... if they are prepubescent! And some virgins might be bi-curious. Etc.

I think I have found the best definition for how I feel about my sexual attraction to others in the term "pansexual" which, according to Wiki is synonymous with being gender-blind. I have the most actual experience with men who are both biologically male and who self-identify as heterosexual males. But as for individuals that I have felt attraction for they are varied, including ftm trans. The point is, my attraction to someone is not based on their gender. So to me, pansexual fits - if the gender-blind definition is accurate. But I have found some resources that claim pansexual is a derogatory term.


I am curious what others think about this. :confused:

If the shoe fits... What have these "resources" said is bad about the term?

I know, I know - labels suck.

I don't think they do.
 
A bisexual man I know explained it to me as this:

Bisexual means two-- you like biological men and women.

Pansexual means a gamut--you like men, women, and anything in between. I.e., androgynous, transgendered, intersex, etc etc.

So he says he identified as bisexual and not pansexual because he "likes his men very much manly and his women very much womanly". (His words, not mine.)

So that's what I've been assuming since.
 
I know, I know - labels suck. But sometimes you need to use words to explain, you know? When I first read about the idea of pansexuality it was like I finally had a word for what I have been feeling my entire adult life. It was freeing.

No,....people who get 'stuck' on a label..suck.
Or, micro-labelling can suck.

:)

Labels are good for a general purpose, but tend to work like clothes bought off-the-rack . They generally fit, but definitely aren`t ever able to be 'custom-made'.
Then people run into problems, when they try to customize a general-fit label.

I think if someone specifically wants to know what you are into, then details on pansexual, vs. bisexual are quite warranted. Use the label that fits your audience.
 
Using the definitions people have shared above, pansexual would fit me best. I don't mind using bisexual though, because most people understand it well and I don't see any downside to using it... like, I don't think an androgynous and/or genderqueer person would think "Oh, I have no chance" after hearing me say I'm bi.

My term of choice, the one I preferentially use if given the option, is definitely queer. It doesn't rule anything out, it's easy and fun to say, and it describes, to me, not just a sexuality but an outlook on life that's a little radical, a little "It's all good, baby, yeah." So, I feel it actually gives more of the flavor of who I am without pinning me down.
 
It's probably more accurate for me to say pansexual, but having just met the word, I'm less likely to use it. Bisexual has worked for me for 34 years. I'm also likely to only use whatever label is appropriate to the context of whatever conversation I'm in. Once my lovers know, there's not really much need to discuss history. Now that I'm in a fidelitous vee with two men, still not much point in calling attention to the fact that it's possible for me to be with women. I won't back down if asked, but I also don't have a need to announce.

I never liked the word bicurious, but I understand the meaning. I didn't have to be with a woman to know that I wanted to. I started calling myself bisexual the minute I knew girls were an option. (really? I can date girls TOO?) When I read an ad from someone saying they're bicurious and looking, my thought is 'I don't wanna be your experiment.' But some girls like to experiment. The first woman I was with only wanted me because I'd not been with a woman before. At the time, I was totally okay with that. ;)

Once I figured out that the main thing bisexual people have in common is feeling that labels suck, I felt free to use the label as I pleased.
 
I have come to just realize it will depend on the person. Obviously sometimes there's a magical chemistry if you are lucky. I guess for that's what defines it for me. I haven't actually labelled myself either although I do believe it is down to the person. I don't what that makes me but I am happy with it. :) So no label... I am just me!
 
A bisexual man I know explained it to me as this:

Bisexual means two-- you like biological men and women.

Pansexual means a gamut--you like men, women, and anything in between. I.e., androgynous, transgendered, intersex, etc etc.

So he says he identified as bisexual and not pansexual because he "likes his men very much manly and his women very much womanly". (His words, not mine.)

So that's what I've been assuming since.

I think I like this definition the best because I understand it enough I know I can explain it to someone else.
 
I never liked the word bicurious, but I understand the meaning. I didn't have to be with a woman to know that I wanted to. I started calling myself bisexual the minute I knew girls were an option. (really? I can date girls TOO?) When I read an ad from someone saying they're bicurious and looking, my thought is 'I don't wanna be your experiment.' But some girls like to experiment.

I meant to include, regarding the above, that I took a lot of flak for that, too. Everyone i met would say, 'so, are you gay?' and I'd say 'no, I'm bi' and they'd say something about being with a woman, and I'd admit to how I hadn't, and then they'd say, 'how do you KNOW?' 'I just know, okay?' Because I did. Still do.
 
I think that "bisexual" is an accurate diagnosis for me-- in mainstream psychogical terms, it describes my conduct. I identify as queer, though, because I don't accept the gender binary and biological sex doesn't determine the likelihood that I will be interested in someone.

"Pansexual" is only useful for communicating with a small number of people who know what it means. I don't really use it.
 
I identify as pansexual. For me, pansexual means being attracted more to personalities than bodies. I forget where I first saw that definition, but it stuck with me.
 
"Pansexual" is only useful for communicating with a small number of people who know what it means.

That's the only kind of people I hang out with. ;)
 
TGIG - thanks for the link!

So he says he identified as bisexual and not pansexual because he "likes his men very much manly and his women very much womanly". (His words, not mine.)

Yep, that is why I ID as bi and not pan. I like manly-men and girlie-girls. Not really attracted to androgyny in any gender.

When I read an ad from someone saying they're bicurious and looking, my thought is 'I don't wanna be your experiment.' But some girls like to experiment. The first woman I was with only wanted me because I'd not been with a woman before. At the time, I was totally okay with that. ;)

Twenty years after my now-husband pointed out that I am Bi (I didn't realize there was, or needed to be, a word for it) I'm still totally fine with being someone's "experiment". The girls that I am attracted to ID as Bi-Curious, Bi, or Hetero. Of the dozen or so women that I have been with - the vast majority I was their first woman-on-woman encounter. Two have ID'd as Bi before I met them. I have never been with, or been attracted to, someone who ID's as Lesbian (or Pan for that matter - but I know many Lesbians and have never met anyone IRL that IDs as Pan). (Don't know what that says about me...:rolleyes:)

JaneQ

ETA:
PS. MsJ ID'd as Bi before I met her, VV was apparently Bi-Curious - and, I recently learned (as of 4 months ago), had asked MrS to keep an eye our for a girl she could "experiment" with - when he got together with me he, apparently, gave her the "heads up" that I could be the one she was looking for (this was before he pointed out to me that I was Bi) - I was, we did, we still do - now she ID's as Bi.
 
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For myself, the closest I come to attaching any label to my sexual identification is queer. Even that is a tricky one for me...I think of it in a literal, dictionary-esque sense. "Strange or odd from a conventional viewpoint ; unusually different."

Queer tends to be more of a North American term( from what I've found at least), even though I am Canadian I have friends from outside of North America who still find queer to have negative connotations.

I personally love to be a smart ass - and when people ask "What are you?" I say with a big grin, "I'm not straight". They then look at me in a rather confused way, and stop asking questions.....Or I tell them that I'm greedy ;)
 
I meant to include, regarding the above, that I took a lot of flak for that, too. Everyone i met would say, 'so, are you gay?' and I'd say 'no, I'm bi' and they'd say something about being with a woman, and I'd admit to how I hadn't, and then they'd say, 'how do you KNOW?' 'I just know, okay?' Because I did. Still do.

Yeeeeeeeeees. I will forever roll my eyes at everyone who has ever asked me if I'm sure because I haven't had much sexual or romantic experience with women. :rolleyes: But frankly I feel how I feel. The End.



Yep, that is why I ID as bi and not pan. I like manly-men and girlie-girls. Not really attracted to androgyny in any gender.

Same here. I've tried to intellectualize my attraction before and have come to the conclusion that the only women that have ever made me tingle are girly like myself, lol. I don't feel bad about it anymore either, it just is what it is.
 
For myself, the closest I come to attaching any label to my sexual identification is queer. Even that is a tricky one for me...I think of it in a literal, dictionary-esque sense. "Strange or odd from a conventional viewpoint ; unusually different."

Queer tends to be more of a North American term( from what I've found at least), even though I am Canadian I have friends from outside of North America who still find queer to have negative connotations.

I personally love to be a smart ass - and when people ask "What are you?" I say with a big grin, "I'm not straight". They then look at me in a rather confused way, and stop asking questions.....Or I tell them that I'm greedy ;)
Seems a lot of people, in my experience, in America in general, don't like the word queer. I identify as queer myself, becaue of the literal sense of the word, and the entire reason for it being put in LGBTQ. It's there as a means of "and any other non-standard orientation, because adding many more letters would just start to look silly". =P

As for actually over here in England... I hear even gay men and women calling themselves queer. Which is still technically true in the literal sense. So I think it may just be something about the English language being quite literal in English use. You say you're Canadian yourself, which I've noticed use a fair bit of proper English wording, too. So that could be why around you, you seem to find it a regular term, too.
 
Good article.

RfromRMC said:
So he says he identified as bisexual and not pansexual because he "likes his men very much manly and his women very much womanly". (His words, not mine.)

That's kind of transphobic, actually.

My gf is transgender, but very much a woman. More femme than I am (I'm cisgendered, but fall somewhere in between butch and femme). Despite being pre-op, she is "very much womanly," and so are most transwomen I know.

I actually love androgyny and sometimes wish my gf wasn't quite so much of a woman! heh
 
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