LateToTheParty
New member
Hi everyone,
It's been a couple of months since I've posted. Lots of development. The main one being impending divorce, but I'll save that for another thread.
I touched on this in a different thread ("Dating Advice Needed"), but I'll recap - I contracted herpes back in February. No way to pinpoint where it came from, of course, which is maddening in a way. Could have been my wife. Could have been me. No idea. But the first outbreak was February.
I had three outbreaks after that...nothing near the severity of the first one, thankfully, but after the last, I requested to be put on Valtrex. So far, so good...not a single sign of anything.
I faced my first herpes rejection last night. And of course, I expected it would happen at some point - several times - but it definitely stung. I had been on a third date with a girl named S. (a different S. than from my previous thread). We click without trying at all. She's fun, open, confident, with a very breezy attitude on sexuality and relationships. On our second date, we were at dinner, and the conversation somehow turned to her friends that have herpes. I saw a good window of opportunity and told her about myself. She wasn't offended, taken aback...she simply said, "Aww...that sucks! I'm sorry." And that was pretty much that. After we left to walk down the street to another place, we held hands, kissed, etc. Quite a bit. It all felt very natural, and I was thinking to myself, "Wow...that news doesn't bother her...what an amazing woman."
We went out again last night. Had a great time again...plenty of physical connection as well. But toward the end of dinner, she told me that 1) she really likes spending time with me, but 2) she feels like too much is going on right now with my divorce, and 3) she thought she was okay with the herpes news, but it turns out she's simply not. I told her that it's okay, I understand. Not about to be a jerk about her protecting her sexual health. She told me that she was really sorry, and that it just wasn't fair.
An aside: I'm confused by what followed, however. After that bit of conversation, we took a walk and ended up at a bar down the street. And the physical attention simply continued throughout the night. Nothing sexual, but actually quite sensual. I'm not sure if it was out of sympathy...or genuine...or both. But it was very nice, regardless. After pulling up to her house, I asked her if this was our last date. She said, "I hope not. I really like hanging out with you, but I understand if you don't want to." I told her I would (although I can't see how it's possible right now). Before getting out, she told me, "thanks for a really lovely evening." And we've chatted online quite a bit today.
Back to the main point...
I feel absolutely low today. Diseased, untouchable...ashamed. And extremely angry today at my soon-to-be ex-wife, although I'm sure that's misplaced anger. Feeling the unfairness of effortless mutual attraction, stopped in its tracks by the ugly face of a virus (although there's the timing of the divorce, too). I suppose over time, it's possible that S. might relax on everything and reconsider.
But this isn't just about her. I'm feeling discouraged about all future connections. I feel that I'm forever restricted on what could be great relationships. That I'm resigned to finding someone on a herpes singles site (the thought of which really turns me off), rather than make a connection organically. Hell...that I'll never receive oral sex again.
In short - I feel pretty depressed about this. Any guidance/feedback would greatly be appreciated. Thanks.
It's been a couple of months since I've posted. Lots of development. The main one being impending divorce, but I'll save that for another thread.
I touched on this in a different thread ("Dating Advice Needed"), but I'll recap - I contracted herpes back in February. No way to pinpoint where it came from, of course, which is maddening in a way. Could have been my wife. Could have been me. No idea. But the first outbreak was February.
I had three outbreaks after that...nothing near the severity of the first one, thankfully, but after the last, I requested to be put on Valtrex. So far, so good...not a single sign of anything.
I faced my first herpes rejection last night. And of course, I expected it would happen at some point - several times - but it definitely stung. I had been on a third date with a girl named S. (a different S. than from my previous thread). We click without trying at all. She's fun, open, confident, with a very breezy attitude on sexuality and relationships. On our second date, we were at dinner, and the conversation somehow turned to her friends that have herpes. I saw a good window of opportunity and told her about myself. She wasn't offended, taken aback...she simply said, "Aww...that sucks! I'm sorry." And that was pretty much that. After we left to walk down the street to another place, we held hands, kissed, etc. Quite a bit. It all felt very natural, and I was thinking to myself, "Wow...that news doesn't bother her...what an amazing woman."
We went out again last night. Had a great time again...plenty of physical connection as well. But toward the end of dinner, she told me that 1) she really likes spending time with me, but 2) she feels like too much is going on right now with my divorce, and 3) she thought she was okay with the herpes news, but it turns out she's simply not. I told her that it's okay, I understand. Not about to be a jerk about her protecting her sexual health. She told me that she was really sorry, and that it just wasn't fair.
An aside: I'm confused by what followed, however. After that bit of conversation, we took a walk and ended up at a bar down the street. And the physical attention simply continued throughout the night. Nothing sexual, but actually quite sensual. I'm not sure if it was out of sympathy...or genuine...or both. But it was very nice, regardless. After pulling up to her house, I asked her if this was our last date. She said, "I hope not. I really like hanging out with you, but I understand if you don't want to." I told her I would (although I can't see how it's possible right now). Before getting out, she told me, "thanks for a really lovely evening." And we've chatted online quite a bit today.
Back to the main point...
I feel absolutely low today. Diseased, untouchable...ashamed. And extremely angry today at my soon-to-be ex-wife, although I'm sure that's misplaced anger. Feeling the unfairness of effortless mutual attraction, stopped in its tracks by the ugly face of a virus (although there's the timing of the divorce, too). I suppose over time, it's possible that S. might relax on everything and reconsider.
But this isn't just about her. I'm feeling discouraged about all future connections. I feel that I'm forever restricted on what could be great relationships. That I'm resigned to finding someone on a herpes singles site (the thought of which really turns me off), rather than make a connection organically. Hell...that I'll never receive oral sex again.
In short - I feel pretty depressed about this. Any guidance/feedback would greatly be appreciated. Thanks.