Why does puppy love go away?

preciselove

New member
Poly people are more aware of NRE (new relationship energy) or puppy love than most. Why do you think it goes away after some time with someone? Are there any neurobiologists here that could possibly explain why "new" things mostly trigger the hormones?

I'm starting to think fear is one way to getting back into NRE, even though it's usually for a short while. In the past when I've felt fear (or jealousy you might say) I've noticed once we've "Worked it out" there is this brief NRE period again. Another way I know is experiencing some major change in our life.

What tricks do people here use to fool the mind into the NRE mode (what most people call rekindling the passion) ?
 
I think it involves something called "chemistry."

I spend 8 years with a guy and the NRE was long gone. (NRE is sometimes called the "being in love" or "infatuated" or "twitter-pated" phase..)

The expression is "the honeymoon is over..."

We broke up and spent some time apart, went our own way etc. and when we got back together, presto! the NRE was back again. It was like we fell in love all over again. The chemistry was once again HOT......But we still had the same problems and it did not last long. It was short lived.

Beware the chemistry. It can be misleading.
 
I'm guessing it is caused by the emotional brain as a whole. Telling you that you have someone who is out to you and you are happy with. Then the rational brain starts picking at all the bad things realising all this stuff the emotional brain couldn't. Really, you should use both from the start and just follow whichever one makes most sense. There's also the way people change. Not being the same person when you first met. At the beginning of a relationship they act nicer to become closer. This even happenes when you go away and come back. They begin this renewing of the relationship and so seem nicer at the start. People become lazy in relationships and take them for granted. Communication becomes your strongest weapon to combat this. Keeping things fresh and keeping true to yourselves.
 
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=424

This might help to some degree.... not to link myself all the time, but I know what I have written and the process I've been through. I forget with everyone else... although there are a hell of a lot of threads on NRE if you do a search. :) The thread is mostly about being in NRE about all kinds of things, including poly itself.

NRE with me lasts as long as it lasts.. it kind of seems to go with the person I am with. I seem to be moving into NRE with Derby more and more, but with Mono is was instant and lasted for a good 18 months. I am still in it often. Its all so dependant on personalities and where we are at I think..
 
Don't kid yourself - polyamorous people don't know more about it than others. They just gave it their own name: NRE. In other circles, it's usually referred to as the "honeymoon period" or "infatuation phase." It's something I have heard discussed and explored in various self-awareness groups and workshops for over twenty years, but the phenomenon is as old as the hills! Basically, how I understand it, is that the beginning phase of a new liaison is fueled by hormones, mostly pheromones I believe, which are like a drug. We are engulfed in this heady, intoxicating, hormone-fueled bliss and can't seem to get enough. Eventually, the hormones die down and off come the rose-colored glasses! Then we are left with the real person we're involved with, and start seeing things we overlooked or couldn't see before. That is the challenge of any relationship, whether mono or poly, to learn who the person really is and navigate the relationship in reality, not in fantasy, and to choose whether or not to invest in it at a level beyond those orgasmic good feelings. That's where true intimacy can begin to develop, but it's a challenge because reality isn't always easy.
 
Don't kid yourself - polyamorous people don't know more about it than others. They just gave it their own name: NRE. In other circles, it's usually referred to as the "honeymoon period" or "infatuation phase." It's something I have heard discussed and explored in various self-awareness groups and workshops for over twenty years, but the phenomenon is as old as the hills! Basically, how I understand it, is that the beginning phase of a new liaison is fueled by hormones, mostly pheromones I believe, which are like a drug. We are engulfed in this heady, intoxicating, hormone-fueled bliss and can't seem to get enough. Eventually, the hormones die down and off come the rose-colored glasses! Then we are left with the real person we're involved with, and start seeing things we overlooked or couldn't see before. That is the challenge of any relationship, whether mono or poly, to learn who the person really is and navigate the relationship in reality, not in fantasy, and to choose whether or not to invest in it at a level beyond those orgasmic good feelings. That's where true intimacy can begin to develop, but it's a challenge because reality isn't always easy.
Big +1
 
NRE is indeed the same as the above stated terms. Its the relationship dynamic that is different. The energy needs more directing than mono relationships I think. Its understood in a different way because it effects more people.
 
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Phenylethylamine, an amphetamine like hormone is primarily responsible for that NRE feeling. It causes your body to release dopamine which in turn causes the release of oxytocin which causes the intense "lovey", "cuddly", feelings. Norepinephrine is also released which causes excitement toward the new-found object of your affections. After an average of 1 to 4 years we build up immunity to the "New Love" chemicals and the body slows or stops production in favor of new chemicals. At this point the brain gives us endorphins, which act more like opiates, and cause feelings of attachment and calm toward your partner. Endorphins are more like morphine or opium.

Sorry, I am typing this from my BB so I have no sources for this other than what is in my head. I can source it later if needed.
 
NRE is ineed the same as the above stated terms. Its the relationship dynamic that is different. The energy needs more directing than mono relationships I think. Its understood in a different way because it effects more people.
Oh, yeah, for sure, I imagine. In a mono relationship, the hormones subside and you've got the "task" of dealing with the person without those heady first feelings coming up again. But when you're polyamorous (speaking from what I've read and gathered from others' experiences, not my own -- yet), you have to deal with it again and again whenever you get involved with someone new, and it plays into all your relationships numerous times. So, while that particular phase of relationship is common to all, yes, it would seem that polyamorous ones have to pay more attention to acknowledging/directing/managing it.
 
okay, let me play the Devil's Advocate here..

What would the world be like if NRE lasted forever?

I'm experiencing NRE for the first time in (way too many years..)... and it is scary heady stuff... wow... I can see how it is addictive..

but feeling this way... all the time... forever?... wow.. I'd get nothing done..
 
I get what you mean Claire... I feel that way sometimes for days on end long after I thought NRE was over... I am learning how to direct that "passion" into other things. It makes me very creative and energized to do things... I don't waste a drop! :)
 
PLEASE PLEASE do.
I was trying (hopelessly) to explain this to Maca last night.

I'd LOVE some linked sources to reference!

Hey LR, I looked up a few links but I didn't spend too much time on it (I work on computers all day and can't bear to be on it once I get home. LOL!) These might lead you to something more comprehensive:

http://www.youramazingbrain.org.uk/lovesex/sciencelove.htm

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/11/091112095038.htm

And this one for fun :p
http://biosingularity.wordpress.com...xytocin-much-more-than-just-a-“love-hormone”/

I'll look a little more later :)
 
I'm wondering about the differences between NRE and the cyclical feelings of falling in love with one's current partner(s). NRE is definitely more hormonal in feel to me, and it does wear off. However, over the years, I've fallen in love with Beloved time and again (and yes there are the other times when she annoys the bejeezus out of me and vice versa). It's a deeper, richer feeling but otherwise not unlike NRE. I'm more charged, energetic, bouncy, and so on. There isn't the sense of the crazy though - I totally blew off a contract job when we first got together and I would never do that now.
 
okay, let me play the Devil's Advocate here..

What would the world be like if NRE lasted forever?

I'm experiencing NRE for the first time in (way too many years..)... and it is scary heady stuff... wow... I can see how it is addictive..

but feeling this way... all the time... forever?... wow.. I'd get nothing done..

Yup. Me neither. It's like functioning with blinders on.
 
I experienced your "puppy love", or as I would call it NRE properly in my late 40s. I had experienced it before but never really understood it or appreciated it.

This time I had my eyes wide open and was conscious though the whole process. I lived it to the hilt and apart from the polyamory aspect (I'm mono) was able to fully suck the nectar out of it .
I nurtured it and it has morphed into something just as wonderful but less frenetic.

Nothing amazing can last forever otherwise it wouldn't be amazing but if we appreciate every second of it that we can and nurture it then it can grow into something that is equally wonderful in a different way.
 
Hey LR, I looked up a few links but I didn't spend too much time on it (I work on computers all day and can't bear to be on it once I get home. LOL!) These might lead you to something more comprehensive:

http://www.youramazingbrain.org.uk/lovesex/sciencelove.htm

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/11/091112095038.htm

And this one for fun :p
http://biosingularity.wordpress.com...xytocin-much-more-than-just-a-“love-hormone”/

I'll look a little more later :)


Here's one from my bookmarks... http://www.reuniting.info/science/sex_in_the_brain
 
Thank you for the links. :)

It was a topic of discussion this week in our house and I posted a very short post on it in my blog.
It relates to the last two days posts as well.

Anyway-if you are interested, the link is in my signature. :)
 
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