soulsearching
New member
Hi there... Being here is very strange for me; my background is a pretty conservative faith one (though only since my teens - that's a whole other story). In my head I get why my faith community is absolutely firm on one opposite-sex partner for life, but my experience has been more one of not-quite-serial monogamy, finding myself wanting to get out of an existing relationship when the 'new relationship energy' kicks in with someone else. I've now been married for some long time, with what my community would call 'emotional affairs' along the way; all but the most recent eventually discovered/disclosed, with predictable consequences.
Reason I'm here is that not long ago I met a young woman. Forgive the mush, but she's truly remarkable; scarily smart, attractive, utterly uninhibited sexually. She also has her struggles, and that makes it 'worse' because I want to help, to be a rescuer (she absolutely doesn't want that!). She's also clearly poly. When we first met, our relationship went from platonic but intense (we're interested in a lot of the same things, and surprisingly have a lot in common, though from very different angles) to romantic, to lustful, to one glorious night. Oh my god. But then two things kicked in - first, I made some big mistakes, having no idea how to handle what was happening, and I hurt her quite badly emotionally. Second, there were shifts in her existing relationships, particularly one where she and the other discovered overwhelming attraction, feelings, shared values. That hit me like a train, being completely unprepared.
So now she and I have quite an odd relationship - hardly anything physical, and the majority of her time and focus is on her other partners. But she tells me what's happening in her life, and there are ways I help her practically. (And I hang on to the hope that some day she may come to some kind of faith experience, which on a human level seems very unlikely given her current philosophical commitments). I often wonder if she wishes I would go away - sometimes to my shame I let slip how needy I feel for the affection and all else I know she could offer. I guess I could look elsewhere for some of that, but - call me crazy - I feel a huge sense of loyalty to her and I want to still be there for her regardless of anything she does (I guess my faith community would call that commitment, and an acceptance of consequences - did I say, I tell her often that I love her?)
So that's my story...
Reason I'm here is that not long ago I met a young woman. Forgive the mush, but she's truly remarkable; scarily smart, attractive, utterly uninhibited sexually. She also has her struggles, and that makes it 'worse' because I want to help, to be a rescuer (she absolutely doesn't want that!). She's also clearly poly. When we first met, our relationship went from platonic but intense (we're interested in a lot of the same things, and surprisingly have a lot in common, though from very different angles) to romantic, to lustful, to one glorious night. Oh my god. But then two things kicked in - first, I made some big mistakes, having no idea how to handle what was happening, and I hurt her quite badly emotionally. Second, there were shifts in her existing relationships, particularly one where she and the other discovered overwhelming attraction, feelings, shared values. That hit me like a train, being completely unprepared.
So now she and I have quite an odd relationship - hardly anything physical, and the majority of her time and focus is on her other partners. But she tells me what's happening in her life, and there are ways I help her practically. (And I hang on to the hope that some day she may come to some kind of faith experience, which on a human level seems very unlikely given her current philosophical commitments). I often wonder if she wishes I would go away - sometimes to my shame I let slip how needy I feel for the affection and all else I know she could offer. I guess I could look elsewhere for some of that, but - call me crazy - I feel a huge sense of loyalty to her and I want to still be there for her regardless of anything she does (I guess my faith community would call that commitment, and an acceptance of consequences - did I say, I tell her often that I love her?)
So that's my story...