A Made-Up Story

Dear Friends at Polyamory dot com. This is Kai, son of William, whom I am told is one of the subjects of your fictional story at Polyamory dot com. It is important for you to understand that my father has been in psychiatric care at least since the deployment of iPhone 9x, which claimed to be able to (a) make espresso drinks ("there's an app for that") and to (b) "interface with the frequency module of the nearest local gravitational-interspace TIMELINK worm hole" -- provided, of course, that the user paid Apple Inc. the additional 9,000 # Universal Planetary Monitary Intensive Numerical (units) Exchage (units) ... a.k.a, UPMINE.

My father, being of sound mind and good spirits naturally payed UPMINE for the full capacity of his iPhone9x, but failed to align the molecular structure of his fingerprint scanner to the BiRyhthmicScannerXL, which resulted in a timespace wormhole incapacitor sequence in his Athropo-Bio-Interface System (ABIS). Having thus fallen into the ABIS of his own creation, my father sometimes (a) fell asleep early in his faux-leather apartment chair NSA, CIA, FBI ... computer glitch... oh my! We're not supposed to discuss these matters in public. Please excuse me. I think I need to go check the refrigerator. What is your Immediate Intergalactic Interface Location (IIIL)? Please enter your IIIL number within ten seconds or your Interface will be dis....
 
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.... "William, do you have the report I asked you for?"

"William? Will? Ummm..."

"Yo WILLY!"

William snapped awake. He found himself sitting at his desk with his head propped up in his hands, in front of his computer. Colorful tropical fish swam across his monitor and he realized he must've been out for a while, for his screen saver to be on. His eyes felt crusty, his head a little woozy.

"Willy, what the hell, man? You sleeping at your desk?!" It was Martha, the office manager and Willy's direct superior.

Willy wiped the drool from his chin and turned to look up at her as she towered over him behind his chair. He hated when people walked into his cubicle unannounced, but what could he say this time after having been caught snoozing on the job? Artie, the quiet guy in the cubicle next to his, peeked over the panel separating them, rolled his eyes, and quickly disappeared.

"Uh, sorry, Martha," Willy stammered. "Uh, hay fever, you know? Allergies. That over the counter stuff musta knocked me out. Won't happen again."

Martha frowned. "It better not. Bring me that report I asked for by the end of the day. Oh, and when you're done, call your landlord. He called here trying to get in touch with you, says he doesn't have your cell number. Something about loud noises in your apartment. But finish that damn report first!" She turned away and then turned back. "And clean yourself up!" She pointed to his chest.

Willy looked down and noticed the puddle of drool glistening on his shirt. So embarrassing. He frantically opened his desk drawer and searched for a napkin, handkerchief, or anything he could use to dab it away. Martha shook her head and exited the cubicle in a huff. Willy turned and stared after her, with his jaw slack and a thin paper napkin stuck to his shirt, until a few minutes later when he realized he had spaced out again.

He stood up to stretch and then sat back down and pretended to tidy up the papers on his desk. "What's happening to me?" he thought. "I remember leaving for work this morning, I remember singing the Leo song... but, but... [sigh] I have no recollection of anything after I got here! Wow, that dream was vivid... a black leather couch in my apartment (how macho! I could never...), gargling, worrying about a toothbrush schedule... a what??... and an iPhone... I don't even know how to work an iPhone, I love my Android... and then some voice in my head saying it was my son... a son, what the... polly something?" Willy groaned. "Arrrggghhh. And now this stupid report -- I don't even know what I'm supposed to give her... and my landlord wants me?"


"Hope you've been practicing your backhand, William."

Willy froze at the sound of the whiskey-smooth voice. Drat that Steve from Accounting! His arch nemesis, looking overly confident, appeared at the entry to Will's cubicle. Leaning casually against the partition, Steve flashed a smug, lizard-like smile.

"He really is out to get me," Willy thought, as he slowly turned to face his enemy. "What? Eh, I don't need to practice. You just be ready to buy lunch."

Steve opened his mouth to speak, and then stopped as his gaze drifted downward to the front of Willy's wet shirt with a paper napkin stuck to it. He lifted one eyebrow and said, "Yeah, sure, whatever."

Steve turned and quickly trotted away. Willy watched him go, but this time caught himself just as he started to space out, and pulled himself together. He jumped up, shoved all the papers on his desk into the trash can, grabbed his jacket and keys, and roared, "I gotta get outta here!"

Papers flew, conversations ground to a halt, and many heads popped up above their partition walls, all eyes in the office directed Willy's way. Artie timidly spoke up. "Wh... wh... where you going, Will... William?"

Willy took a deep breath, puffed up his chest, and crowed, "Anywhere but here!"

Rrrinnggg-rrinnnggg... Rrrinnggg-rrinnnggg... Rrrinnggg-rrinnnggg... Willy stared at his desk phone as if it was a monster awakening, his eyes wide open.

"W-W-William, you gonna answer that?" whispered Artie.

Willy picked up the receiver. "William here. Hello?"

"Hi Willy." Willy's mouth dropped open as he listened. A sweet, female voice chirped on the other end. "It's me, Hannah. I've been thinking about you."
 
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"Hu-hu-hu Hannah?"

"That's the one, you stud."

"Whu-whu-whu what can I do for you."

You can take me out on another date, that's what! How about tomorrow?"

"Ta-ta-ta tomorrow?"

"At 10:00, you hunky amphibian."

"Gosh, that's awful early."

"Early? I was proposing a late-night date."

"Huh?"

"You know, 10:00 *PM.*"

"Oh of course!" William was thinking, there was some reason he didn't want to date this woman ...

In the meantime, Kai had stopped by Dad's place and discovered the mess on and around the fridge. As janitorial expertise ran in the family, Kai knew just what to do. First he drove to Walmart to get a new supply of Murphy's oil soap. Then he went to work on the mess. Then he went back to Walmart to get some fresh food, and threw all the existing food away. Then he drove to the local dump where he deposited all of the garbage from Dad's place. Finally, he returned to Walmart to buy a bag of food for the furry little creatures who lived in the land underneath the fridge. He deposited some pellets into a small dish he kept near the opening that led to their world; also he refilled their water dish.

Kai usually did this kind of thing once a week.
 
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