Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07-15-2018, 10:01 AM
MWCBlondeKim MWCBlondeKim is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: Hudson Valley
Posts: 6
Default Hello, from BlondeKim

Hello,

New here therefore I will try to keep this short and to the point.

I am the wife of a happily married white couple, both hubby and I are educated professionals, in shape and attractive. Had children early and became empty nesters at a young age, I am 44 hubby is 46.

Hubby and I, best friend is a divorced Italian man, and after becoming empty nesters hubby and I spend a lot of time with him both alone, Greg and I biking, Greg and hubby golfing, then the three of us going out hiking, festivals, restaurants.

About a month ago a female friend of mine ask me do I like being in a V MFM relationship. I did not even what a V MFM relationship was until after my friend explained, then OMG I realized to some degree I am in a V relationship but not with the MFM sex yet.

Greg is tall, handsome, very well hung, (he does not try to hide that fact in his spandex cycling shorts), and him and I are attracted to one another. Hubby is also tall, handsome and him and I are very much in love with a good sex life.

Hubby and I have started a series of conversations wondering if sex with Greg is the next step of the three way friendship.

Please, constructive advice well be greatly appreciated from BlondeKim and her hubby. PS Greg does not date other females and has hinted several times he would like to be closer to us
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-15-2018, 12:16 PM
sexyserb sexyserb is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Eastern USA
Posts: 175
Default

PS Greg does not date other females and has hinted several times he would like to be closer to us

So this tall, handsome, well hung guy does NOT date any females. Don't you find that a little strange????, regardless of how close he wants to be with you.
Before you take ny opinions here, you might want to read a few books

More Than Two
Opening Up

What you are discussing doing is not guaranteed to be all fun and games.
__________________
ME- 48 , married poly female, hetereo
Hero- 49 mono hubby
Transitioning back to mono and saving my marriage
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-15-2018, 05:59 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 16,076
Default

Greetings BlondeKim,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Right now my only advice is, take it slow, and, keep the channels of communication open. It sounds like the three of you have very positive relationships with each other and that's a good sign. Is your husband interested in getting sexually involved with Greg or is that just a platonic friendship? If I am being nosy, you can ignore my question. But I was wondering.

I'm glad you could join us, and hope you will enjoy your stay.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-15-2018, 08:04 PM
MWCBlondeKim MWCBlondeKim is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: Hudson Valley
Posts: 6
Default Greg and hubby point of view

Greg is only recently divorce and not looking to rush back into the dating world. My husband has limited spare time due to the demands of his job, and often Greg will fill in for my husband and take me for example to a festival or concert. The three of us will go to a nude beach next weekend.

Hubby and I are in agreement that sex with Greg and a true poly relationship is in our future
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 07-15-2018, 10:43 PM
Al99's Avatar
Al99 Al99 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,473
Default

Hi Blondekim - and welcome to the forum! We will look forward to hearing how your story evolves. We do have a good number of experienced polyamorists on the Forum who are generally helpful and friendly - so please do not hesitate to post any specific questions and thoughts that you might have. The Poly Relationships Corner and the General Poly Discussion sections are particularly active.

Sexyserb makes a couple of very good points - poly relationships can be challenging for many reasons, but with more moving parts, that should be expected. I very much agree with her book suggestions. Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by Tristan Taormino is perhaps the best general introduction and overview of Consensual Non-monogamy in general, and poly in particular. It is a bit dated in places but is an engaging read that also covers the basics of poly relationships. More Than Two by Franklin Veaux is widely considered the definitive text on navigating poly relationships in an ethical manner. That said, it is long and ponderous - but I do believe that given your situation, it would be very worthwhile for you all to read it. I would also add Eight Things I Wish I'd Known About Polyamory: Before I Tried It and Frakked It Up by Cunning Minx. At only 100 pages, it is an engaging read that covers many of the basics - you might want to read that before "More Than Two", just because it is an easier, shorter read and will still hit some of the major points.

I also recommend the website morethantwo.com (same author) which has a number of introductory articles on poly and a glossary that it is helpful. Cunning Minx also hosts a long running poly blog/podcast site polyweekly.com - where she posts regular podcasts, not always weekly but regularly, with over 500 archived and available to listen to at no charge. I would strongly encourage you to educate yourself at the start about poly and its inherent challenges - I suspect it will greatly improve your experience.

From your post, I see that you anticipate a MFM V - both sexually and in a poly relationship (not a triad - that is, the men will not be sexually/romantically involved, even though friends). So, you will have two partners. Have you discussed whether your husband might also want another partner. While you did not mention it in your original post, it might be a topic that will arise at some point.

Best of luck on your journey! Al
__________________
Dramatis Personae:
Me: Al99, poly, heterosexual male, 50's
Becky: married to Al99, poly, heterosexual female, late 30's
Bouncingbetty: ldr girlfriend to Al99, poly, pansexual female, early 30's
Ben: Becky's medium-ldr bf, heterosexual male, 40's
_________________________________________


My Introductory Post - An Unexpected Introduction to Poly.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 07-16-2018, 09:03 AM
MWCBlondeKim MWCBlondeKim is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: Hudson Valley
Posts: 6
Default A199

Thank you for your advice, insights, and reading references.

You are absolutely correct referring to transitioning to poly, as a journey.

In the last several years hubby and I have noticed a growing number of men when in a social setting such as a Happy Hour, show interest in myself and my hubby as a couple, not specifically trying to flirt with me but more along the lines of being attracted to us as a couple. From your experience are more men into couples nowadays?

Hubby, Greg, and I had a wonderful dinner last night and openly discussed the three of us, becoming a V MFM closed poly relationship. All three of us are committed to being open and honest and building a longterm relationship.

Not sure if is acceptable to share here, yesterday Greg and I, engaged in oral sex without hubby being present, to be polite and not too graphic, it was mind boggling.

Greg is a considerate, handsome man, a good friend all first and him being very well endowed is an added bonus.

Hubby reaction afterwards, not one ounce of jealousy, extremely excited and without a doubt into me having sex with Greg.

Hubby firmly states he is not interested in being with another females as you had asked, and I fully believe hubby will remain mono.

I hope I did not get any of the terminology incorrect.

All three of us feel ten years younger. Feel free to ask questions and thank you and this website for the support.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 07-16-2018, 04:31 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 16,076
Default

It sounds like things are going well so far. That's good to hear.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 07-16-2018, 07:56 PM
Al99's Avatar
Al99 Al99 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,473
Default

Quote:
In the last several years hubby and I have noticed a growing number of men when in a social setting such as a Happy Hour, show interest in myself and my hubby as a couple, not specifically trying to flirt with me but more along the lines of being attracted to us as a couple. From your experience are more men into couples nowadays?
In this context, it sounds like more of a swinger thing. I have virtually no experience there, but I do know that the more common scenario is a couple trying to pick up another woman (the proverbial Unicorn, or hot bi babe), or a couple hooking up with another couple. I do have some doubt that single men trying to join a couple is becoming a trend in itself, but I would suspect that there is an ever increasing interest in all types of consensual non-monogamy, so your observation may be what it seems.

Quote:
Hubby, Greg, and I had a wonderful dinner last night and openly discussed the three of us, becoming a V MFM closed poly relationship. All three of us are committed to being open and honest and building a long term relationship.
Certainly a healthy and sane way to get started - communication and mutual understanding are very key. Do be aware that there is a lot of NRE (New Relationship Energy - "honeymoon phase" - with lots of endorphins pumping) present at this stage - and that eventually snags may arise as they do in any relationship, so I would still encourage you to do some reading to build your knowledge and awareness of what is going on.

Quote:
Not sure if is acceptable to share here,
Yeah - this forum is at least R-rated, by default, so no issue there.

Quote:
Hubby reaction afterwards, not one ounce of jealousy, extremely excited and without a doubt into me having sex with Greg.
This varies according to the individuals involved, but it is not unusual in poly situations for the sexual energy generated by a new sexual partner to feed back to the sexual relationship with the primary. This dynamic will most likely help with the transition of the relationship between the three of you, especially since sexual jealousy will not be such a huge issue, as it can be.
But still be aware of potential jealousy - if not with the sex, then with the amount of time spent with the new partner, feelings of being less important, of demotion, etc. This is all completely normal - and being aware of it and making sure to reassure your husband on all levels will help. He may not seem to have an issue with any of it right now, but there is always that possibility (even if its not about the sex).

All in all, though, it sounds like things are off to a good, solid start. Al

Edit: I will add to this that while the public perception of poly is the FMF Triad (or V), the reality is (at least based on the discussions on this Forum) that MFM V is actually far more common and more stable. There was a thread sometime back in which the consensus seemed to be that woman make better hinges because they do a better job of managing multiple relationships, and men make better "legs" because they tend to share better (of course, this is just a generalization). Al
__________________
Dramatis Personae:
Me: Al99, poly, heterosexual male, 50's
Becky: married to Al99, poly, heterosexual female, late 30's
Bouncingbetty: ldr girlfriend to Al99, poly, pansexual female, early 30's
Ben: Becky's medium-ldr bf, heterosexual male, 40's
_________________________________________


My Introductory Post - An Unexpected Introduction to Poly.

Last edited by Al99; 07-17-2018 at 01:20 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 07-17-2018, 07:53 AM
MWCBlondeKim MWCBlondeKim is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: Hudson Valley
Posts: 6
Default Al99

Hello, hello:

I am trying to be very proactive and thinking one or two steps ahead of any potential issues, while listening from advice from you, this website, and various articles and books on the subject of Poly.

You mentioned, "with the amount of time spent with the new partner, feelings of being less important, of demotion, etc. This is all completely normal - and being aware of it and making sure to reassure your husband on all levels will help"

Being a teacher with lots to time off such as summers and my hubby being a corporate worker therefore long hours, even with spending time and sex with Greg, I can still give plenty of time, focus, and reassurances to my husband, I am truly dedicated to making this all work.

A "hinge" interesting term and visual image that creates.

I fully agree with your statement, " that MFM V is actually far more common and more stable. There was a thread sometime back in which the consensus seemed to be that woman make better hinges because they do a better job of managing multiple relationships, and men make better "legs" because they tend to share better". I kinda laugh and smile of being called the hinge of the relationship, but fully realize that is truly correct and I need to manage the multiple relationships.

I give my hubby praise in also being proactive, dedicated, and very open about talking everything through. I had mentioned previously Greg being very well endowed and I ask hubby if that might bother him, he said just the opposite if his large penis gives you intense orgasms and makes you happier, then I am happier, and happy that his large penis turns you on.

Once again, feel free to ask questions and to give advice thanks, BlondeKim
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 07-17-2018, 03:14 PM
Al99's Avatar
Al99 Al99 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,473
Default

Quote:
A "hinge" interesting term and visual image that creates.
Also sometimes referred to as the "pivot" or "fulcrum" - in case you should run across those terms in the poly lingo - the sides of the V are usually referred to as "legs" or "arms". Every subject seems to develop its own specialized vocabulary.

Quote:
I kinda laugh and smile of being called the hinge of the relationship, but fully realize that is truly correct and I need to manage the multiple relationships.
Yep - and not always an easy task to remain balanced, fair, and equitable - but it seems like you are off to a good start with a good philosophy. And it will definitely help that your husband also buys into it.

Keep us posted. Some members set up a blog in the blog section. Others post as needed - mostly in the Poly Relationships Corner for personal advice, or in the General Poly Discussion section for more generalized discussion.

Al
__________________
Dramatis Personae:
Me: Al99, poly, heterosexual male, 50's
Becky: married to Al99, poly, heterosexual female, late 30's
Bouncingbetty: ldr girlfriend to Al99, poly, pansexual female, early 30's
Ben: Becky's medium-ldr bf, heterosexual male, 40's
_________________________________________


My Introductory Post - An Unexpected Introduction to Poly.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:36 AM.