redpepper
Active member
So, other stuff going on:
I wrote on here long ago about a friend of mine that I helped through a big break-up. He became close to me and I to him as a result. We have remained friends for years now and he recently got married to a woman he adores and respects. He no longer identifies as poly as with her; his needs are met. I respect him and his choices and am very happy for him. I have found in the last few years that his story is common to many people I have known over the years. It warms my heart that people have gone from hectic lives in poly to quiet and happily simple lives in monogamy, yet have a different and fresh take on relationships as a result. Yay poly philosophy. It really can transfer and create happier mono-styled relationships.
I digress.
This friend of mine was also friends with Mono and still is. Recently I regained my strength enough to host a monthly pub event to watch the UFC fights (guilty pleasure). I used to go with Mono and his military friends, but after we broke up they all began watching the fights at one of the guy's houses. I was disappointed that after my years of hosting, only a handful expressed any concern for me and my wellbeing. More didn't respond to my texts and some even unfriended me from their FB accounts. Shameful how men stick together in the face of one of their buddies disrespecting their woman. I was sickened.
My friend, at the time, decided to also go with the guys to the fights at one of their houses, but has remained a close friend of mine. He has been supportive in terms of helping me understand how to do things around the house I now own, helping me with my motorbike and listening to me try and figure out my heart and head, etc. I have been grateful for him, but have seen that my asking for help has been wearing thin, as he now has a wife and wants to spend all his time with her.
This past week, when I asked if he wanted to go to the fights with me and some new friends, he said no. He said that Mono had never done anything to him and that he was going to go where his buddy went.
I was very hurt and triggered. If I had been raped, or beaten up and abused in any other way, would the men I once loved and cherished respond in this way? Does a woman always have to expect that the men in their lives will condone other men's behaviour by ditching women who have been traumatized and used? I believe that it's time men took a stand on cheating, just as they should with other forms of abusing their power. I feel strongly that the culture of rape, cheating, physical, emotional and mental abuse has to stop. I honestly have not seen it change with the times. If anything, with online websites that promote deviant behaviours and other forms of behaviour stripped of ethical principles and values, things are getting worse before they get better.
Part of me thinks, "Fair enough. He is friends with him and why shouldn't he be? Maybe I just need a little break and then I can face that with grace." The other part of me thinks, "What do you mean he didn't do anything to you! He traumatized and abused the woman who you have been calling your best friend for years! How can you possibly think that it is okay to even be seen with him?"
I ended up saying, before we said good bye, "I think you need to find better friends. There are a lot of decent men out there who don't treat women the way he does. You would be doing yourself a favour to find them." We parted. I wonder if he will ever call me again.
I wrote on here long ago about a friend of mine that I helped through a big break-up. He became close to me and I to him as a result. We have remained friends for years now and he recently got married to a woman he adores and respects. He no longer identifies as poly as with her; his needs are met. I respect him and his choices and am very happy for him. I have found in the last few years that his story is common to many people I have known over the years. It warms my heart that people have gone from hectic lives in poly to quiet and happily simple lives in monogamy, yet have a different and fresh take on relationships as a result. Yay poly philosophy. It really can transfer and create happier mono-styled relationships.
I digress.
This friend of mine was also friends with Mono and still is. Recently I regained my strength enough to host a monthly pub event to watch the UFC fights (guilty pleasure). I used to go with Mono and his military friends, but after we broke up they all began watching the fights at one of the guy's houses. I was disappointed that after my years of hosting, only a handful expressed any concern for me and my wellbeing. More didn't respond to my texts and some even unfriended me from their FB accounts. Shameful how men stick together in the face of one of their buddies disrespecting their woman. I was sickened.
My friend, at the time, decided to also go with the guys to the fights at one of their houses, but has remained a close friend of mine. He has been supportive in terms of helping me understand how to do things around the house I now own, helping me with my motorbike and listening to me try and figure out my heart and head, etc. I have been grateful for him, but have seen that my asking for help has been wearing thin, as he now has a wife and wants to spend all his time with her.
This past week, when I asked if he wanted to go to the fights with me and some new friends, he said no. He said that Mono had never done anything to him and that he was going to go where his buddy went.
I was very hurt and triggered. If I had been raped, or beaten up and abused in any other way, would the men I once loved and cherished respond in this way? Does a woman always have to expect that the men in their lives will condone other men's behaviour by ditching women who have been traumatized and used? I believe that it's time men took a stand on cheating, just as they should with other forms of abusing their power. I feel strongly that the culture of rape, cheating, physical, emotional and mental abuse has to stop. I honestly have not seen it change with the times. If anything, with online websites that promote deviant behaviours and other forms of behaviour stripped of ethical principles and values, things are getting worse before they get better.
Part of me thinks, "Fair enough. He is friends with him and why shouldn't he be? Maybe I just need a little break and then I can face that with grace." The other part of me thinks, "What do you mean he didn't do anything to you! He traumatized and abused the woman who you have been calling your best friend for years! How can you possibly think that it is okay to even be seen with him?"
I ended up saying, before we said good bye, "I think you need to find better friends. There are a lot of decent men out there who don't treat women the way he does. You would be doing yourself a favour to find them." We parted. I wonder if he will ever call me again.
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