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  #21  
Old 07-01-2018, 02:21 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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It's so wonderful to be in a place where we both feel safe with each other again. This forum and the questions posed to me really help.
Glad it is helping you sort things some.

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I'm leaning more toward monoamorous, though I'm not looking for my SO's secondary to be my girlfriend or anything, more like a close friendship, and we happen to have sex with the same person at the same time (perhaps where my SO and I Co Dom her). I just feel sharing that aspect, and going out on dates would be an enjoyable dynamic.
You don't want her to be your GF. You want to be friends. So polyamory wise, this is going to be a V.

But you do want to share group sex and a group scene. What if the potential doesn't want to do any of that?

Are you up for it being a "V" WITHOUT the group sex and group kink? Is he?

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I know that is something my SO isn't interested in. He's told me multiple times over that he only want me as his primary. I'm pretty he might end the relationship should co-primary be pushed for, but I'd have to double check, but I'm pretty sure that's what would happen.
Then he has to be very clear with his potentials that he only wants primary-secondary.

Even if at this time that's the only model he wants/you want? You guys could still talk about what to do if that want changes. (However unlikely or small.) You probably don't want to be blindsided.

Also talk about how things end, if they have to end. Sometimes I see people assuming it will go back to "original couple and that other person" and they are surprised when the coupling changes or it's down to everyone single again.

Not trying to be a wet blanket. Just saying to be prepared and talk about these things.

Galagirl
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  #22  
Old 07-02-2018, 03:30 PM
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VolitileRollercoaster VolitileRollercoaster is offline
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Originally Posted by powerpuffgrl1969 View Post
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Hi Powerpuff,

I'm sorry I made it seem like my SO and I were looking to place this future person in a box. That's not the case really. It would be ideal if she were down for the dynamic I described, but it's not required. She's not supposed to be a "toy" for us to just use, but rather a person to share our love with together as a cohesive unit.

They're also not disposable, or we hope we don't make them feel that way. My SO would really like to have a long term romantic relationship with them as well. I would also love to be able to hang out with his secondary from time to time, if they are comfortable with that. Perhaps even explore my own sexuality, if it's something they are okay with. None of that though is set in stone, just a preference.

We will be doing more research though and had a few conversations about what you said.
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Last edited by VolitileRollercoaster; 07-02-2018 at 03:40 PM.
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  #23  
Old 07-03-2018, 06:30 PM
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VolitileRollercoaster VolitileRollercoaster is offline
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Are you up for it being a "V" WITHOUT the group sex and group kink? Is he?
Yeah, I'll be okay with not having group sex/kink. Though the reason my SO wants kink is because he's pretty DOM and with my upbringing I can't separate the difference of sex play and abuse. So he's hoping to find someone as kinky as him. It's preferable for him that I can participate but not a deal breaker if she's not down.

I don't think you're being a wet blanket, everyone who's posted here has been really helpful suggesting things I should bring up. My SO really appreciates it, too.

I'm going to show him the dynamics list you had posted a few days ago when I see him next. Right now he wants to stop the flirting and such he's been allowed to do to help me get accustomed to everything so I have all the time I need to adjust and heal, and put in all our efforts into us. With all the support from the forum, reading people's journeys and such, plus his support I'm pretty confident this whole thing can work.

He's still hesitant to talk about it, because I do have good days and bad days regarding everything that happened, and I've been working through what some of my triggers might be. Thankfully I've got a solo session set up with a different therapist outside our couple's counseling on Tuesday next week. I'm looking forward to unboxing some of my old baggage that I know informs some of my reactions.
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