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  #1  
Old 07-03-2018, 02:14 PM
ScrabbledEgg ScrabbledEgg is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1
Default Greetings

Hello,

It's hard to know where to begin. Hence the name. I'm a good egg, but yes a little scrambled. Or, scrabbled I guess since I messed up my username. I'm polyamorous curious, I suppose. Maybe the best way to begin is by telling you all how I landed here. I've been married for almost 14 years. Last year we separated for about 6 month before reconciling. We've been happily back together for 9 months. Just recently my husband revealed what he's been up to while we apart. He briefly was involved with a polyamorous male couple. They had a big influence on him. It also really confirmed for him that he is bisexual. I don't want to rattle on here, so I'll get to the point. My husband and I are considering a poly relationship. Last night we shared our reasons. For him, he want to be free to develop casual sexual relationships with men. For me, I just want to feel free to flirt and develop friendships that have romantic possibilities. I also have always felt a little sad that I had accept never being with anyone else. I just thought that was marriage. We both want more freedom for ourselves and each other.

Am I in the right place?

Right now I'm just looking for guidance and friendship.

Warmly,
Scrabbledeg
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  #2  
Old 07-03-2018, 05:00 PM
Ravenscroft Ravenscroft is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: NW Minnesota
Posts: 1,724
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Welcome!! While I can't guarantee you're "in the right place," you'll likely find that it's lively & thought-provoking & generally helpful (even occasionally enlightening ).

FWIW, I like your screen name much better than what you intended.

Let's start with this --
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScrabbledEgg View Post
I also have always felt a little sad that I had accept never being with anyone else.
Please don't spend too much time regretting "what coulda been." Sure, it's an option that's "always been there" (well, since the '80s at least), but even many who know about polyamory are unwilling to undertake the risks. You had the whole concept "surprised!" at you, & have discovered that the idea of responsible nonmonogamy resonates with you -- in my little opinion, you should celebrate your victory, & often.

Your husband is fortunate in that he sorta kinda fell into nonmonogamy & gained multiple positives from it. (I'm glad he didn't decide "I'm gay now!" & devalue everything you two'd had together. I've seen that happen.)

The two of you are communicating at a level above many who believe themselves to already be "poly," so I'd say you have a good basis from which to begin.

And there's nothing that says you're only allowed to go chasing after "serious" relationships intended to be life-long (or at least long-term). Flirtation is good!! Casual dating is great!! IME/IMO, many people who decide to "go poly" would be just as happy (maybe happier) if they stopped right there -- or maybe went a teensy bit further & sometimes had a fling with an interesting person without demanding that it "go somewhere."

Many of us quickly forgot how freeing, how refreshing it is to still be with a person we deeply love AND to set aside unnecessary restrictions. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being happily married AND having other people in your life.
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  #3  
Old 07-03-2018, 11:01 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 16,024
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Greetings ScrabbledEgg,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you and your husband are mostly looking for an open marriage ... which may evolve into poly but if it doesn't that's okay too. I think Polyamory.com will be helpful to you, have a look around and let us know whenever you have questions. There's lots to learn, dig in!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
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  #4  
Old 07-03-2018, 11:49 PM
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Al99 Al99 is online now
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,424
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Hi ScrabbledEgg, and welcome to the Forum! I also prefer your typo inspired username... Has a certain coolness about it. While your current situation may not be full on poly, it does have the potential... So, yep, I think that you are probably in the right place. We do have lots of experienced poly folks here who are usually friendly and helpful, so please do not hesitate to post any specific questions and thoughts that you might have. The general poly discussion and poly relationship quarter sections are quite active.

I really liked Ravenscroft's comments and would suggest that you give them some thought. I most certainly agree that you are off to a good start your with your communication, arguably the most crucial component in a poly or non-monogamous relationship. Well done.

We will look forward to hearing how your story evolves.
Again, welcome, and best of luck on your journey. Al
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Dramatis Personae:
Me: Al99, poly, heterosexual male, 50's
Becky: married to Al99, poly, heterosexual female, late 30's
Bouncingbetty: ldr girlfriend to Al99, poly, pansexual female, early 30's
Ben: Becky's medium-ldr bf, heterosexual male, 40's
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