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Old 06-29-2018, 12:55 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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we slid a bit further back because a lot of my own yet-to-be-resolved insecurities and fears were ressurected.
If it leads to learning how to talk to each other without triggering each other? I would call it progress. Maybe not fun to feel... but perhaps a necessary step on the journey to a healthier relating. Might not be the ONLY step in this process that needs to happen. But it is one step.

Because you both have additional issues, might consider individual counseling as well as couple counseling.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 06-29-2018 at 02:51 AM.
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Old 06-29-2018, 01:06 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Location: Yelm, Washington
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Sounds like things are looking up a little after all; that is good to hear.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 06-29-2018, 01:24 AM
sexyserb sexyserb is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2014
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Originally Posted by HurtandConfused;397851[B
]I do not like that he called her, but I understand the situation
I do not blame her, i was in a terrible place last night and we slid a bit further back because a lot of my own yet-to-be-resolved insecurities and fears were ressurected.

We are out at dinner talking.. i dont feel this is the end of anything, just another large challenge

We are more than these situations, we will overcome.
Great, positive news that he called her on an unknown number and that she did not seek him out.
Whats not so great is that
(1)she did not shut him down and tell him not to call any more. She actually had more calls
(2)she just stated he is one of besties. Any therapist that tells you the way to heal from an affair is to have the cheating spouse maintain contact and confide in the affair partner should lose their license.

great, Ting has made her choice. But apparently not without him being able to talk to her whenever he feels like. And thats OK with you that you understand???

If youve been cheated on before you might want to ask Ting to read a few books like How To Help Your Spouse heal from an affair.

Again leaving Ting out of this why on earth do you want to continue to want to have regard for this guys feelings or be treating him cordially like a buddy. How many times does he have to tell you he will back off and then contact your wife again before you get a little pissed off???? Not at her but him.
Unless you really do want this guy in your life in some capacity you need to stop being mr. Nice Guy to the guy who gleefully inserted himself into your marriage. This is one of the most bizarre things in this story. You keep cordially asking him to back off and he keeps by his actions telling you to fuck off.

I can see where Ting may be confused to some extent. You are telling her there is no polyamory going to be practiced yet you keep finding reasons why its Ok for them to stay in contact in any way.

How about if Ting want you that the next time he contacts her she tells him he is never to call her again, thats the way she wants it, and that she is going right to you, not having multiple conversations with him. And then you tell him you are changing her phone number, blocking him on all social media and reporting him to the police if he continues to call her at work. Now tell me why Ting should object to that please???

Of course you can reconcile. People reconcile from much worse. But I;d like to know how you put this behind you if your partner decides this guy is going to remain her confident and life coach.
ME- 48 , married poly female, hetereo
Hero- 49 mono hubby
Transitioning back to mono and saving my marriage
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