I'm in love and my heart is breaking.

RosieRina

New member
I was a single girl about a couple of months ago and I came across a girl who is married but was looking for a girl friend. She asked me not once but twice on two different dating apps to come and be in their relationship as their girlfriend. Because I was looking for something new and bi curious, I decided to agree to this and we began to text regularly, the three of us but mostly her husband he was VERY open and excited about meeting me, he sent me numoerous videos ans photos of there relations and of his manhood. I kind of liked that and eventually I met them. Soon after I met her husband and her in person things were great and so much fun. At first I was into her to test my bicuriosity. We even moved in together. But recently I've fallen head over heels in love with him. And I feel like my heart is breaking and I don't know what to do. I'm so scared to end this but I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm either sad or distancing myself. I'm 20 years old, she's 20 and he's in his 50s.
 
It sounds like you're struggling, but I'm really confused about what the problem is. You love him but there is some problem in your relationship with her?
 
Yes i should have made that clear I'm sorrt. I don't have the same feelings for her and it's causing me have mean and rude thoughts like distancing myself and wanted to break up but I like him to much to do that.
 
A "V" is not possible? With him as the shared sweetie where you are only romantically involved with him?

It can only be a "triad" here with you involved with both of them?

Galagirl
 
Why can't you just date him?
 
Galagirl. That's a very good idea and he considered that but he doesn't think his wife will allow it of she's not involved.
 
A "V" is not possible? With him as the shared sweetie where you are only romantically involved with him?

It can only be a "triad" here with you involved with both of them?

Galagirl

Thanks for giving sharing that idea. :)
I'm not sure if you saw my reply but he did consider that and he doesn't know if his wife will allow that if she's not involved.
 
Thanks for giving sharing that idea. :)
I'm not sure if you saw my reply but he did consider that and he doesn't know if his wife will allow that if she's not involved.

Yeah probably not, I know if I was rejected by someone they would be gone from my life. you should break things off, let things cool, And approach her later about saying her husband while having a friendship with her but I would not attempt that while emotions are raw. It could be that after several months of no contact with either you might find that your crush on him had went away
 
I think you could be honest that you don't feel that way about her after all. Something like...

"I am finding after trying it on that a triad model does not work for me. I like you but I don't love you like that. Could a V model work here? Where are each of you on that?"

Find out what you need to know.

Galagirl
 
Everyone thank you for your advice. It means alot and I think I'm just going to wait and see where everything goes. Even if it means I'm not happy. I care about the both of them and I don't want anyone to get hurt. :)
 
I don't want anyone to get hurt.

YOU are somebody. Remember to include yourself in that compassion.

Doing so is not selfish -- it is necessary. You meet your needs first so you can be full and healthy, and then you can gift your help with the needs of others without running dry or burning out.

Galagirl
 
Yes i should have made that clear I'm sorrt. I don't have the same feelings for her and it's causing me have mean and rude thoughts like distancing myself and wanted to break up but I like him to much to do that.

The question isn't whether you have the same feelings for her. Different relationships have different levels of feelings that travel at different speeds. If why you're freaking out is that you don't feel exactly the same way about her as you do about him... that's not really a problem. It's actually pretty unrealistic to expect to feel the exact same way about two different people at the same time.

My opinion is that the difference in feelings is only a problem if you two aren't compatible in a relationship together. If there is NO interest instead of a different level of interest, for instance, or if you just can't get along, or don't click romantically, or whatever. Otherwise, having stronger feelings for him than her is fine. It doesn't mean that you love him more, just that you love him differently.
 
Someone to listen/Advice once again?

So recently I started a new thread called I'm in love and my heart is breaking. I did talk to him (M) and he did kind of comfort me. He doesn't like the fact that I hide things and it makes me so stressed out that I am vomiting, my stomach is always upset and I haven't been eating. I haven't been able to sit next to him or lay next to him like I used to because his wife (T) seems to get upset when we do these things so I stopped sitting next to him to make her happy. And I know we're all supposed to be together but it seems like she doesn't really like me near him. And me and her aren't really into each other. We both say we're okay with each other but I know we arent.
I do care for them both. But it just seems everything is different since the beginning. I'm hurting on the inside because I'm in love with him. A few days later I told him I wasn't in love with him and it could be just a crush. I lied. I just dont know what to do. I don't want to move out basically they are all I have and I don't want this to end. Should I distance myself?
 
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I am vomiting, my stomach is always upset and I haven't been eating.

You need to stop and do your self care. This living situation is causing you mega stress. :(

Should I distance myself?

Yes. Move out.

You can keep dating him, but in a flat of your own you don't have to be walking on eggshells. See if you feel better/less stressed. Take it in baby steps. If after you move out, you have to reassess again? Do it at THAT point in time.

Galagirl
 
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You moved in with two people you hardly know. A couple of months and you're living together? Common sense should have told you that was not a good idea.

You need to move out and be on your own, and learn to make better choices for yourself. You should not be depending on these people for anything, whether it is a place to stay or some acknowledgment that you are lovable. You put yourself in a bad situation, it is up to you to get out of it.

Feeling all lovey-dovey for him isn't the basis for a healthy relationship. Wake up, hon.
 
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You moved in with two people you hardly know. A couple of months and you're living together? Common sense should have told you that was not a good idea.

You need to move out and be on your own, and learn to make better choices for yourself. You should not be depending on these people for anything, whether it is a place to stay or some acknowledgment that you are lovable. You put yourself in a bad situation, it is up to you to get out of it.

Feeling all lovey-dovey for him isn't the basis for a healthy relationship. Wake up, hon.

This...

Have some self respect. Why in the hell would you allow a relationship to cause such stress.?
 
Why be lying to everyone including yourself, and faking your feelings? Get out. This sounds extremely unhealthy, kind of ridiculous. Where did you learn to play a fake role to "make other people happy?"
 
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