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Old 02-04-2014, 03:51 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 7,345

She's being FRESH.

When dealing with "give inch, take mile" people you really can't do a "soft" let down like

basically saying that he was mono, that was not going to change for anyone, least of all her, and while the flirting and flattery she was sending his way was fun, he expressed concern that it looked like she wanted much more than simple friendship.
He has...
  • Established that flirting and flattery is fun to him. (In her mind -- Yay!)
  • Established he knows she wants more than friendship. (In her mind -- Yay!)
  • Established he's "concerned" (In her mind -- Yay! He cares about me!)
  • He's posed a "challenge" -- that he's not gonna change for anyone least of all her. (And in her mind it's is probably like ... "oh, really! You coy thing you!")

To a certain personality, they rewrite it all in their heads as "playing hard to get." So here she comes again with the hair twiddling! Par for course. She doesn't much care about his comfort... she's after her own jollies. She got them.

If he's going to be uncomfortable anyway? Could pick his uncomfortable.

To me? Whole lot easier to call her on it in the moment if she tries again. Something like grab her wrist and get her hand out of his hair and loudly say "STOP being fresh! DO NOT twiddle my hair. You are not my wife or my gf." And let everyone stare at her for her behavior.

I'm guessing if he does that she will rewrite the story to disown her behavior like "he took it all wrong" or is "he is too sensitive" or "he thinks he's god's gift to women" or something. But it stops the nonsense. And once she knows he might call her into account in public like that, she'll think twice about doing it again.

Right now he's teaching she can get her jollies (this time it was overfamiliar touching) and all that happens is another email slap on the wrist that only she sees. Which she can rewrite in her weird head to suit her. It's attention after all. She "wins." She got attention from him. And she learned neither he nor his wife say boo to her when her inappropriate behavior crosses the line at gatherings.

I am guessing there will be more shenanigans to come. Til your friend calls her into account where more than just her sees and/or cuts off all contact.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 02-04-2014 at 04:09 PM.
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Old 02-10-2014, 05:18 PM
SnowCrystal SnowCrystal is offline
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 5

This woman is definitely overstepping her bounds. He made it clear to her that he does -not- want any other romantic relationship. This girl has already made it clear that she is not willing to respect his wishes, and seems to be willing to do whatever it takes to get into his pants, even force him to do so it seems. :/

Her blatant flattery reeks of her attempts to go against his wishes and attempt to flirt with him anyway, in some false hope that he will "cave in and give into her so she can get laid with him."

Any relationship, poly or mono, is about trust - trust between all partners involved. And this woman clearly does not respect him, at all. She just wants in his drawers and wants the D, and will do anything to get to it.

I would remove this said woman and block her from any sort of social site he has her added on. Also I would recommend for him to call block her if he has her cell. Definitely steer away from this woman! No friend would do this. While I understand he wants friends, he needs to attempt to find people that won't flirt with him and respect his wishes to remain mono.
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