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  #131  
Old 07-04-2010, 01:20 PM
Bicple16667 Bicple16667 is offline
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We are swingers, meaning we engage in recreational sex. We freely share our sexuality with like minded friends, without stipulations or committments. It is a leisure time activity, just like our vertical leisure time activities. Life would be very boring if we only played one song with one person, we like playing all kinds of music with all kinds of musicians ;-)
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  #132  
Old 07-04-2010, 10:23 PM
immaterial immaterial is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
For me it would...

sex is bonding for me. Whether it is for fun with an on going intimate friend or the deep love and connection I feel with my loves. It is connecting and brings me closer to people in my life that I chose to share myself with.

Casual sex to me is sex that is with someone that I don't know, don't care to know better, and would be in terms of thinking "meh, you seem alright, i will give my body to you to masturbate into and I will use yours for the same."

I guess it could be seen as a quicky, or a fun light hearted jaunt with someone I love.... hmmmmm?
Stripped of the finer distinctions of knowing/not knowing, wanting to know, not wanting to know, etc., I think this sentence hits home for me: "You masturbate into me and I'll masturbate using you." I'm not sure if this is necessarily "casual," but this gets to the heart of recent ethical thinking and feeling I have been considering and talking with people about.

Using people to get what I want is a particular mode of action in the world. I don't think about protecting myself from being used, so much. I usually imagine myself the perpetrator of the using behavior. I wonder if this is highly gendered in our culture? I do know that women see their genitals and their bodies in general as possessions worth protecting and defending, which I assume has its deep roots in biology. (Just guessing). Do men see their bodies as precious and worthy of protection from being used? Not sure. I have not approached potential sexual interactions this way. In fact, I have been more just a total slut. Use me. Please. Haha, ah yes, very healthy. In the parlance of the human potential movement, this is called "having bad boundaries." Of course, the fortress-and-castle-and-mile-wide-moat approach is also having bad boundaries, but we're more inclined to call it "being picky" or having "morals."

Anyway, back to using and being used as a definition of "casual sex." I think this has some interesting moral and ethical dimensions. Masturbation doesn't really fit easily into this template because I have had an actual autoerotic relationship with myself since I was 12. In other words, even masturbation is not "just physical" for me, nor is it necessarily "casual." It has all sorts of fantasy/imagination/relational components, with as much mental space sometimes as actually being with someone else. I have recently wondered if this autoerotic headspace is a side effect of trying to fit my non-monogamous, poly soul into a mono structure. My fantasy life ranges over many different women, always fluctuating, always changing, polyvalent and wild and completely unpredictable, as befits Eros and the libido.

Immaterial
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  #133  
Old 07-05-2010, 01:48 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Interesting post immaterial. I have been interested in my fantasies lately also.

Firstly though, I think that women are protective of their genitals because they are entered rather than do the entiring. Something about inviting people into their bodies. It sets up a certain dynamic for sure.

I had an open door policy at one point but found vagrants in the door way and break and enterers when I came to and opened my eyes to what was going on. I spent much time making myself pretty to be enticing to those that might want to be in me. It was bullshit and I feel like an idiot. Not empowered at all. Now I dress nicely in order to be in control and be enticing because I like to look good for myself and those who I have expressed priveledge to enter me. They are dustinquished guests in my castle. The castle I am proud to say is a full of riches and finery rather than a night club or or bar.

Recently I have been thinking about fisting, real dolls, flexi dolls and machines. All around the whole idea of entering others. Interesting you would bring it up. I've been thinking of how I enter others and how I can take the utmost care and respect. Mostly to do with my dominant nature. I want to be good at it and I want those I sub to find comfort in my ability to understand their need for respectful entering.

Thanks for bringing it up immaterial. Always more to think about.
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  #134  
Old 07-05-2010, 02:40 PM
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^^^as a bi guy...I can pretty much say that the whole, "you can f'ed and I do the f'ing" is pretty universal. It's way different when i'm getting f'ed versus when i'm doing the f'ing. Anyone who is versatile like knows what i'm talking about. Respect should be taken when you are the controller. Because either way you look at it, a stick is uses the hole, a hole can't use a stick, a key uses a keyhole, a keyhole can't use a key. It's a fundamental ideal of our communication and language, that is tied to our emotions, society, and ethics as a whole. This idea doesn't hold up in nature, however it's a logic human tend to relate to all things.
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  #135  
Old 07-05-2010, 03:04 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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I dunno. If we are speaking of physicality and not using metaphors, woman-on-top intercourse position is the hole using the stick, imo. And if a woman is sitting on the face of a partner, and the partner's tongue is up her vagina, wouldnt we agree the owner of the pussy is in charge of the action, even tho it happens to be penetrated? And a couple of men having sex-- if the guy on top has the others' cock in his ass, isn't the top guy still in charge of pace and intensity, despite being penetrated?

etc...
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  #136  
Old 07-05-2010, 03:18 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Thank You Magdyln.

Love these conversations,..always shows me, who really gets it, and who doesn`t.
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  #137  
Old 07-05-2010, 03:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Superjast View Post
Thank You Magdyln.

Love these conversations,..always shows me, who really gets it, and who doesn`t.
Gets what?
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  #138  
Old 07-05-2010, 08:51 PM
immaterial immaterial is offline
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gets laid? :-)

A woman once was riding hell out of me and coming repeatedly and suddenly stopped and said "I feel so guilty, like I'm using you." It was a tender and funny moment. I was in one place (blisstacy) and she was somewhere else entirely (physically vital with pleasure, but with a disturbed soul).

Seems a shame the way we have to encounter our sense of limitations, sometimes. But it just seems to be that way on this planet.

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  #139  
Old 07-05-2010, 09:11 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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How is that getting it or not getting it though immaterial?

Superjast is implying that some of us "don't get it." what are we not getting? That women can be empowered by their sexuality?
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  #140  
Old 07-05-2010, 09:24 PM
immaterial immaterial is offline
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Oh, yeah, I was mostly referring back to Gabe's key/keyhole thing. I don't know what Superjast means by getting it or not getting it, and await further instruction. :-)

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