wandering thoughts on living, loving, and learning


I know, right? I'm the kind of guy that would rather just go ahead and see what's under there then waste time wondering (because trust me, guys do wonder about that). Flashing does nothing but dispel my curiosity and, if anything, make it easier for me to work around you.

The fact I lean toward nudism helps, I suppose.
 
I know, right? I'm the kind of guy that would rather just go ahead and see what's under there then waste time wondering (because trust me, guys do wonder about that). Flashing does nothing but dispel my curiosity and, if anything, make it easier for me to work around you.

The fact I lean toward nudism helps, I suppose.

I love you honey and the fact that we've been able to have quite a bit of naked time this week with the boy at camp. :D

I am really enjoying my life today. We have an L shaped sectional and right now Runic Wolf is at one end playing Skyrim and I'm at the other on my computer while Wendigo is stretched out between us sleeping. Apparently, I wore him out this afternoon. :eek: So, it goes without saying that I enjoyed our little date this afternoon, even if we never got past the deconstructing arrowheads part. ;)

In other non-poly news, Runic Wolf got a raise today - a whole dollar, instead of the fifty cents he was expecting. It goes into effect on Monday. I am so proud of him and happy to see that he is being appreciated at work for being the awesome man I know him to be. :) Work has really picked up for me this week and my boss has asked me to do her a favor and cover a shift on Saturday. She's promised me she'll remember that I accepted, which will most likely be in the form of me getting more consumers over the employee who couldn't work their scheduled shift. :)

So I'm going to lean back and enjoy the rest of my night with my guys and our friend who will be here for game in an hour or so, though right now listening to Wendigo sleeping is making me tired too. Maybe he wore me out more than I thought too. ;)
 
This week has been deliciously fun. It began Sunday after Runic Wolf and I dropped our son off at camp for the week. On our drive up to the camp, we both blurted out the same suggestion for where we would stop for dinner on the way home, a little place called Zonies that we used to order when we would have game at Wendigo's brother-in-law's old place. Zonies are similar to the Pizzone from Pizza Hut, only better. Hand made with pretty much anything you can imagine inside. I had the chicken bacon ranch and Runic Wolf ordered something with pepperoni, peppers, and mushrooms. After eating in the sweltering heat of the restaurant, we stepped out into the cooler street, enjoying the breeze coming off the river, and hopped into the Jeep to run a couple of errands on the way home. Friday had been a particularly good payday for me, so I did a fair bit of spoiling him with Transformers to add to his collection.

I absolutely love the way his eyes light up when I tell him to go ahead and get something he's been wanting. :D In return, he let me pick up new bath mats and a new shower curtain to re-decorate the bathroom. Now that the landlord is finally finished remodeling it, I can begin to make it the purple room that I was promised when we moved in. Okay, so maybe I like it when Runic Wolf spoils me too. ;)

When we arrived home, I took Runic Wolf to bed, enjoying the fact that I could behave or misbehave as I saw fit without having to deal with kids knocking on our door or our son wanting to be entertained. Just a whole week devoted to sleeping naked and being able to have sex when the mood stikes. At some point during the evening, Runic Wolf made a point to let me know that I should bring Wendigo upstairs after fighter practice the following day. I hopped on Skype to verify what time I was to pick Wendigo up and let him know. At first he was a bit confused, but then I reminded him that we were kid free and there was so much more we could do with a bed instead of a sectional. ;)

Work on Monday ran late, as it is apparently wont to do, so I picked Wendigo up just in time to get Runic Wolf from work and give us an hour to spare before we'd need to leave for practice. Runic Wolf took advantage of the time to play more Skyrim, while Wendigo and I watched. Wendigo not so subtly drew me to him and ran his nails down my side, causing me to shiver and bury my head in his lap drawing a moan from him in the process. We teased each other while our dinner cooked, still trying to pretend we were interested in attending practice. I excused myself to check in with everyone. It seemed the fates were in our favor, the majority of our unit couldn't make it at the last minute. And suddenly we could stop pretending we wanted to do anything other than touch and taste each other. Runic Wolf looked over at us and smiled and said it was about time. I'm not sure how much longer we fooled around on the couch kissing, tasting, licking, sucking, scratching, Wendigo pinning my wrists in one strong hand, while the other tickled me trying to replicate a sound he'd accidentally drawn from me. All of it interrupted by my suddenly remembering that the car inspection was up the following day and I needed to call to schedule the appointment. Wendigo steps outside for a minute while I make the call and when he returns, he insinuates that he wants to take things upstairs and suggests that I ask Runic Wolf to join us.

Runic Wolf agrees, but says he'll be up in a minute and once we are all upstairs, I have to sit though Runic Wolf showing off his new Transformers before I can draw Wendigo into the bedroom. There are jokes about being overly dressed, followed by helping each other out of our clothes, during which Runic Wolf appears and helps, but not before pulling back my hair to expose my neck and biting down hard enough to draw a moan from my mouth, while Wendigo digs his nails into my thighs. Both of them knowing just how to touch, tease, and bring me though teeth and nails. The bed was a good idea and we enjoy it for a few hours before we head back down stairs, sated on shaky legs to curl up on the couch and watch Warehouse 13. At some point, Wendigo asks if I'm okay to take him home and I realize that I did not clean up very well and decide I need a shower before spending an hour in the car. When I look in the mirror, I can't help but smile as I catalog the scratches to my arms, breasts, back, side, ass, hips, and thighs.

Tuesday I spent the day with a friend of mine. Many years ago, he was a occasional friend with benefits, someone who benefited from being in the right place at the right time. He's known for a while that we're poly and that I'm seeing someone, though I never actually came out and told him who, I had gone as far as to say that it was someone he knew, but that out of respect for them I couldn't tell him. This was partly because he was going through a divorce from his wife cheating on him and it seemed like he was asking to find out who was cock blocking him from convincing me to give him a pity fuck and partly because I didn't want to risk my relationship with Pretty Lady as she'd been really upset by our other friend who found out and immediately brought a camera over to be our photographer w/o any of us asking for him to photograph us having sex. He's in a much better place now and someone I can openly discuss BDSM with. So when he arrived to pick me up from the garage while my car was being worked on and saw what was obviously not marks from Runic Wolf (he doesn't have nails) trailing down my arm, he knew what we'd been up to the night before, but said that it didn't matter that we'd kept it from him as long as we were all consenting, honest, and upfront with each other. I assured him that we were and he dropped it. We spent the morning wandering around local gaming and book stores and then headed back to his place so that he could tell me about some of the girls he's interested in and how he is having a hard time finding a girlfriend, let alone a submissive one. His first attempt at a relationship after his wife left, was D/s and poly, but the girl was new to being submissive AND poly and wasn't upfront with him. He is now expecting a child in a month that is either his or the other guy she was seeing. She decided she didn't want to work things out when he insisted that he wanted to be involved in her doctor's appointments along the pregnancy. I feel bad for him as he hasn't had the best luck with women lately. It has to be hard to know what you want, what you will and won't put up with. To lay that out on the line at the start of a relationship and have the person agree to it and then when you hold them to their agreements, to have to watch them walk away. It was good to hang out with him though and see how he's not letting his circumstances rule him anymore.

Wendigo is a moderator for an online RP group as well as a player and yesterday I got a peak into one of his smut scenes. Mmm, it sounded yummy. And from what little I know about the player of his character's girlfriend, she was getting thoroughly teased. Wendigo and I have a shared enjoyment of getting people riled up, stopping at their limit, and sending them home knowing that they will be thinking of us whilst they pleasure themselves. So when he mentioned he was giving her blue ovaries and that he was "bad". I reminded him that I am too and told him how a part of me enjoyed openly displaying my marks and reminding our friend that he can't have me AND I'm getting the BDSM aspect of a relationship that he craves. I didn't want to distract Wendigo from the scene too much since I didn't want him to be up all night when we're getting together this afternoon, but damned if it didn't turn me on to think that he was pulling out all the stops in the scene; knowing that her boyfriend was out of town and the scene would leave her wanting, because she was begging for it when she threatened to fuck him to death in group chat Sunday night. And now she'll always wonder what it would be like for real and they will most likely never meet in real life, since the RP group is a global group, and I'll be here enjoying everything she's wondering about. If that makes me a bad girl, than so be it.


 
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So tonight Runic Wolf is on his first date in almost a year, not counting his FWB. Though that relationship is pretty much over, due to her behavior. Wendigo and I talked over Skype, our fingers crossed for him to have a good time and for them to continue to hit it off. They met last night when we went to our first BDSM munch. Runic Wolf has been needing to get out and make more friends and since we're pretty much 1/2 the regulars in our poly group and the other half is his ex and her significant others, we decided we needed a new way to make friends. We felt at home almost immediately; they're good people. And when a cute girl sat down next to him and kept glancing shyly at him hoping he would talk to her, I smiled. And they talked about their mutual love of pickles of all things. :) It was fun watching and even more cool when at the end of the night and we were getting up to leave she decided to follow us out, when there were still plenty of people staying. She hugged us goodbye and asked him to look her up on Fet and OKCupid. They talked some more after we all got to our respective homes and decided to go out tonight. He's been gone since 7 and it's not almost 11. So something must be going right.

So on the one hand, yay! My sweetheart is dating again. On the other hand, work is picking up. It's the time of year when jobs start coming open and I have job coaching to do as well as job development. I placed someone on Monday who will be starting in 2 weeks. Which is great for job security, but sucks for juggling multiple relationships. Especially when one's husband and boyfriend just got informed that they are required to pull 5 hours of OT a week. They'd already been working an extra 1/2 day a week because they are short handed at work. So now they'll be working 50 hours a week, over the course of 6 days a week. Wendigo and I had just talked a couple of weeks ago about having a longer date sometime soon, but when I asked about the logistics of it now, he said it that as it stands now, it doesn't look good for us getting the opportunity. He's promised Pretty Lady that he'll stay home on Sundays, which would leave Saturday afternoon's for us, after a 50 hour work week; all he'd do is sleep. So we're looking at getting together after work on Wednesday, and hoping that it won't be another 3 months before we can have a date after that. (Job coaching assignments last a minimum of 3 months until we can be sure that the person can work on their own with just the natural supports of their employment setting).
 
So my life is pretty chaotic right now. I managed to get 3 placements all with in the span of a month. I'm working as early as 8am until as late as midnight, sometimes on the same days. So when Runic Wolf came to me last month and mentioned that Wendigo would be staying here for a couple of days while his family is out of town, I decided to ask for what I want. . . .a real date day with Wendigo. Not just some stolen time in our busy schedules, but time to ourselves. And you know what, I got it. Actually, I got better than that. Due to the way our schedules worked out, I got a whole afternoon alone with him at his place before he came to spend the night last night. :D Definitely something I'd love to do again if given the opportunity.

And yes, Runic Wolf, I do owe you and love you even more for allowing me to have this time.
 
I am a very lucky woman, that is for sure. Last night I got to cuddle up sandwiched between my two loves watching cartoons. This morning I made them breakfast before work and they repaid me by taking me to get dinner before I had to go back to work. They front loaded my sanity for the week. Still smiling even though I am in training all evening.
 
Wendigo went home Tuesday night. At the time Runic Wolf commented that it looked like my dream was coming to an end. But I didn't think of it that way. I love Wendigo, but I would never dream of keeping him from his family. He loves them the way that I love Runic Wolf and our son. I could never stay away too long, it would make my heart hurt. So when Wendigo went home, I was content. Besides, this week was a game week, so he was back over here tonight.

I was actually pretty spoiled today. Runic Wolf's ex invited me over for a home spa day. She and I are very attracted to each other, but have been dancing around each other for over a year now. Runic Wolf struggled with their break up because it was sudden and unexpected when things were going so well. Our kids hit it off great and our families mesh really well, so we've all remained friends, but felt it would be awkward for she and I to become involved. . . but damn, do I miss her. Anyways, we gave each other facials; I dyed her hair with henna; and she painted my feet while we watched Supernatural. It was very relaxing and just what I needed since I'm working very late all week. Afterwards, I picked Runic Wolf up for his last follow up dentist appointment, which went smashingly and he was back to work in 30 minutes. I did a bit of grocery shopping until it was time to pick Runic Wolf and Wendigo up from work. After we got came home I cleaned the livingroom while Runic Wolf worked on printing out new character sheets and Wendigo slept. Once the living room was clean I came upstairs, checked in with Runic Wolf to make sure it was okay that then crawled into bed with Wendigo for a nap, something we didn't get to do on Sunday because we were afraid we wouldn't wake up in time to be home for dinner. It felt good to curl up next to him and listen to his heart beat. I think Runic Wolf was surprised to come in to let me know it was time for dinner to find us asleep and not having sex, especially since I'd been telling him all day how horny I was, but sometimes a girl just needs to cuddle. Speaking of cuddles, Runic Wolf is passed out next to me and I can practically feel his body begging for cuddles, so I should really get to bed.
 
Again, a while since I've posted here and as always, a lot has happened in our lives. I think this will be a 2 parter.

About 6 weeks ago, Runic Wolf, Wendigo, and I were Skyping and Wendigo was quite drunk. He was flirting quite heavily with Runic Wolf, openly confessing his attraction and how much he missed what little sexual component they've had in their relationship. I'll admit, it had been a very long while since we'd last had a 3-some and I was missing them too, but know better than to rock the boat and press Runic Wolf to explore his heteroflexibleness too quickly. Wendigo has no desire to push Runic Wolf too quickly either, but obviously with an entire bottle of whiskey in him, he's going to speak his mind. I fear he may have come off as a bit desperate at times, but another "good" thing came of the conversation.

Several years ago, Runic Wolf overheard a scene that Wendigo and I were engaged in, not realizing/ believing it was a scene, but not wanting to confront us about it, he's been bottling up his feelings, believing that I secretly believed he wasn't good enough, that I would rather have sex with only Wendigo, which is definitely not the case. However, Wendigo and I have inadvertently developed a D/s dynamic over the last 4 years and I will cater to his cuckholding fetish in scenes when we're alone. We'd thought we were alone and Runic Wolf overheard. When he confronted me about it, I told him it was just a scene, but I didn't get into Wendigo's fetish because it was something that he told me in confidence as his best friend. Runic Wolf didn't confront Wendigo about it for 2 years, letting it build up and eat away at him. But once they talked and Wendigo admitted to his fetish, explained that I was telling the truth all along, their relationship seems to have gotten back some of it's old life. Wendigo made me swear to help him make it up to Runic Wolf. That first week after was tense, on my part. I was afraid that Wendigo was avoiding us/ me because he slept the whole car ride home that week. The second week was better, but he still felt distant. (Stress at work, I later learned.) But when game night came that second week, our son was away at camp and we had an hour or so for the three of us.
 
Part 2

As I was saying, I'd been a bit worried that Wendigo was avoiding us, because he tends to withdraw whenever he feels that he is being a threat to our relationship, so once I had the two of them upstairs, it took a minute or two to convince Wendigo to actually get into bed and not just sit tentatively on the edge, but then, it was like riding a bike only better, only briefly interrupted by the Chinese delivery guy. (The last time we were all together was before my surgery and there were some positions that had been off limits that aren't anymore.) Some fucking amazing hot, sticky, sweaty, messy sex was had and Runic Wolf kept his promise to Wendigo. After, we were all sated, we ate our dinner and entertained our company for game night.

Two weeks ago, Runic Wolf wretched his knee at fighter practice, missed two days of work, and returned to work on crutches. It was a week before he went to the ER and was diagnosed with having ruptured 3 of the 6 fluid sacks around his knee - he's looking at 5-8 weeks of recovery time. Since his doctor didn't put him out of work and he was down to one crutch, the foreman let him stay and work the remainder of last week. Up until Friday, when the owner found out and made him get a note. So now he's out of work for 2 weeks, which means that it will be just Wendigo and I driving home from work for the next couple of weeks. Should be interesting. ;)

I had a rough day Friday between having to leave work to run Runic Wolf to the doctor and my boss letting me know that I won't be getting a full day off again until Friday (if I use PTO). I'm working weekends right now, but since they aren't full 8 hour days, I can take half days Tues and Wed, but can't have a full day off because my consumers won't have coverage. :/ Anyways, Wendigo went out of his way to cheer me up on the car ride home and to let me know that even though it's been 3 weeks since our last date, he's been thinking about me. :D He even kissed me goodbye in his driveway, in broad daylight, with his son and nephews and possibly his sister-in-law in a position to see. (If they looked out the windows). This is a big deal to me, because, in the past, we had to be extra careful to not be seen. We've been Skyping periodically this weekend and he was disappointed that I couldn't stay up and chat with him last night when I got home from my friend's birthday party.

In other good news, last week Runic Wolf and I attended a BDSM munch and met another poly couple who were new to the area. Runic Wolf and the wife seem to have hit it off and are going out for coffee this afternoon. She actually asked him out to get to know him better and then asked him to make sure it was okay with me. I liked that because a) She asked him first and didn't ask me for "permission". b) She was considerate enough to check with me and work around my work schedule to be able to see him.

More good news is I got fitted for my belly dancing garb yesterday and the seamstress is fabric shopping for it today. I'm going to be taking lessons over the winter. :)
 
Asking for what you want

So I've never really been that good at asking for what I want. . . don't get me wrong, I'm a very assertive person, but usually I have a hard time identifying what I want, probably because I spent my childhood pushing down "wants" because what I needed was to keep my family together, even if it cost me my sanity. (Thankfully it didn't, but I definitely needed and got therapy in college). This brings us to now and how my not asking for what I want had ended up with me having a mini melt down last week because I didn't want to rock the boat and talk about how unhappy I was with certain aspects of my life. And then, our regular game week was postponed and I didn't even get the 30-45 minute date with Wendigo that I'd been looking forward to. THis lead to me realizing that I wanted more than that from our relationship; more than 30-45 minutes twice a month (due to circumstances mostly, but also b/c I didn't ask for more). But what to ask for? How much would be too much to expect? I'd finally worked myself up to the idea of asking for a regular hang out night; cuddles, movies, Rock Band. I'd intended on bringing it up to both Runic Wolf and Wendigo on Friday, but Runic Wolf ended up back at the VA for his knee and was put out on disability. . . Fast forward to yesterday, when Wendigo and I spent the car ride home from work catching up. We'd been talking about him coming over once a week to work on my armor with me over the winter once work is caught up a bit and he pointed out that it was probably the longest in person conversation we've had outside of game since our last "real" date in May. (Yes it's been that long.) He said that he didn't want to speak for me, but he felt like we needed an actual date night and I agreed. After I got home, it occurred to me that Runic Wolf is interested in attending a gaming thing at the Comic Book Store on Friday nights and had asked that I drop him off on my way to take Wendigo home from work. I'd pick him up when they are closing. I asked Wendigo what he thought about Fridays and he said he could make it work.

Last night I couldn't sleep, I got about 5 1/2 hours of sleep and woke up and hour and a half before the alarm. Runic Wolf was woken up by the alarm and I explained that I'd had trouble sleeping and thought perhaps I was overthinking. I told him that I wanted regular date nights with both of them, once or twice a month (on different nights). I suggested while he was at the Comic Book Store and he agreed, actually saying that Wendigo and I would get a fair amount of time in then. I had dinner ready by the time we got back here tonight, let my guys catch up and settled into bed ready to be disappointed that Wendigo and I wouldn't have enough time before we had to head North to game. I figured if nothing else, I'd get in a nap. Only my talking actually paid off; me saying what I wanted; asking even actually paid off and We got a whole hour of cuddling, kissing, and getting reacquainted with each other w/o having to hurry. It was pretty damn amazing and Wendigo was proud of me for allowing myself to ask for what I wanted/ needed to be happy when I told him.

After game and taking Wendigo home. I thanked Runic Wolf from my knees. ;)
 
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