I'm amusing myself thinking about how vastly different my response would have been if I'd answered when this thread was initially posted instead of now...
In March 2014, when the thread was posted, Hubby and my then-boyfriend Guy didn't have any contact with each other. Them seeing each other wasn't an issue; Guy lived 900 miles away. He and I met when he was in my area on business, and he met Hubby then as well. Given a couple of shared experiences, they might have called each other friends, and occasionally one would ask me to say "hi" to the other. But they only interacted for those "shared experiences" because of me.
Until a month of so ago, I would have said--and did say, numerous times--that I STRONGLY wanted to compartmentalize my relationships. After I met Woody in October, the two hugest adjustments for me were that he had other partners (Guy only had other *sexual* partners, usually one-night stands when he got horny, since he and I only saw each other a couple of times after he went home from his business trip. He didn't want any other romantic partners. And the other boyfriend I've had didn't have any other partners at all), and that Woody prefers what some here call "kitchen-table poly" and what I've taken to calling the "poly-Borg collective."
This means that if he hosts an event, like the Solstice party he held in December or the monthly munch he organizes at a local bowling alley, all three of his local partners are invited. Technically his fourth partner is also invited, but given that she lives about 1000 miles away, she isn't likely to come. It means that sometimes on his weekly movie nights, more than one of us might be there. It also means that Hubby, who didn't particularly want to interact with Guy and outright disliked being anywhere near my second boyfriend, has taken to going to movie nights even when he knows I'm staying with Woody that night, and he accompanied me to the Solstice party. (Though at this point, that's at least as much because of his crush on Doll as it is because he likes hanging out with Woody...)
Hubby has never asked for anything close to a DADT, other than saying "Please don't give me details about what you do with your boyfriend when you're together without asking me first if I'm okay with hearing them." He doesn't like interacting with people in general, and with my second boyfriend, there was a personality clash that brought out Hubby's alpha-hole side. They were only around each other three times in the 13 months of the relationship: when I introduced them; when Alt asked them both to be present with me when she finished her cosmetology course; and at Country's school banquet last spring.
I highly preferred having everything separate, and at first I resisted having Hubby and Woody even meet each other because I knew Woody's preference would be that they continue to socialize. But now that Hubby's gone to movie night several times--including this weekend, when he and Alt went without me because I was waiting for Country to get home from a school trip--and I've met Highlight and Stella and have been essentially adopted by Woody's son and their housemates, I'm kind of getting on board with the whole poly-Borg thing.
That said, if Hubby and I had something going on, like a party, which never happens; neither of us likes having people over to our house, or Country's graduation this spring, either we wouldn't be able to invite Woody or we would have to introduce him as a friend of the family. Hubby's family doesn't know I'm poly, and neither do Alt and Country's father and his family, and we need to keep it that way for various reasons. And Hubby prefers that Woody not come to our house at all, and if he does, under no circumstances is anything sexual to happen. (That's the agreement between Hubby and me, and has been all along, not Hubby trying to order me or set rules or ultimatums.)
Fortunately, Woody understands all of that, as well as understanding that for me, because I don't leave the house for a job--and sometimes don't leave at all for a day or two because of health issues--leaving my house and going to his is important to me. Plus at his house, as I said, I've pretty much been adopted into a second family, and I like being around people who are around me solely because they've chosen to be, not because they're my spouse or my child.