Alhena
New member
Advice needed please....I may be overreacting? TIA
So I’m new to this and I’m not really sure if this is normal or acceptable. My bf and his wife have been poly for a lot longer, I expected them to understand more and be used to the lifestyle but it seems that things are falling apart between his wife and I because she has doubts. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong to make her so unhappy, I’m trying really hard to do all this stuff just so she will like me and be happy but nothing seems to be working even when I do just what I’m asked. Problem is she’s very outgoing and talkative while I’m shy and quiet around people I’m not very close too especially when it’s my boyfriend’s wife who I feel totally intimidated by because she’s this cute little thing and I have all this pressure about making sure she likes me.
Sorry this is pretty long.
From the beginning there was a little trouble, she thought I didn’t like her because
I was quiet the first time we met. Before the bf and I were officially in a relationship we had been dating and she claimed we were spending too much time together and since her and I weren’t great friends yet and hubby had lied about something not regarding me she didn’t like us being together so she made him stop seeing me, while she was allowed to keep her girlfriend. A few weeks later she messaged me and asked me to come around again because he was unhappy and she wanted him to be happy. All she asked is we got to know each other a little more and I understood because he’s bringing me into their home and agreed.
Fast forward to a week or so ago, we are part of another poly site and there’s a thread about posting random things of your relationship/s. I was browsing and find a post she made that day saying she wasn’t sure she liked me anymore because I seemed uncaring, too busy and didn’t pay enough attention to her husband (my bf). So now I’m confused when I pay attention to him it’s too much for her, I laid off a little bit and she thinks I’m being cold and not liking him enough. Confusing as hell
Last week, my bf asks me to make sure I comment on her posts/whatever online so she doesn’t feel left out because she thinks he and I talk too much. He thinks she is jealous because she’s been looking for a bf and hasn’t had any luck. I asked him well what is she jealous about she lives with him, this amazing guy I only get to see maybe once a week for a couple hours. He said he knew it was a lot to ask but just to try and pay more attention to her and asked me to ask her to see a movie with her. Ok I agree, I want to be able to keep seeing my bf so I better keep the wife happy right?
Now Day after the movie (last Thursday) he and I are talking about how both (wife and mine) our birthdays are this week. I’m bummed about mine so I’m not celebrating but she is excited about hers so there a whole day of events planned. She sent out invites online and I hadn’t responded because I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to go since it’s my cousin’s graduations. Anyway he asked me to respond and make a big deal about it so her feelings don’t get hurt, again I say ok and do it.
Yesterday he asks me to spend the night since today is my birthday and I guess we are going to get some alone time. A few hours later he texts me that I can’t come after all so again another argument between them and I get kicked to the curb. Apparently he asked her what she wanted for her birthday, she says nothing because they’re having this whole day planned so he says that he wants to give her something since he will be giving me something and he didn’t want her to be hurt if she didn’t have an actual gift. Now I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, maybe I’m stupid but she got upset and went to vent on that site about how inconsiderate that was and how he is the one causing problems .
I’m getting tired of this, like I said I feel like I’m trying hard to do all these things to make her happy but she’s still not. I don’t feel like it’s my place to do so, I’m not dating her; I’m her husband’s girlfriend. Maybe I’m wrong? Am I being the stupid young chick new to poly who doesn’t understand? I’ve considered just telling him I don’t want to deal with his wife’s moods anymore and that part of our relationship just isn’t working. But I don’t want to lose him, I care about him, I enjoy our time together, and usually his wife and I seem to get along. I would really like continuing on being his girlfriend but all this just puts that little doubt in the back of my mind that I can’t keep jumping through hoops for her.
So I’m new to this and I’m not really sure if this is normal or acceptable. My bf and his wife have been poly for a lot longer, I expected them to understand more and be used to the lifestyle but it seems that things are falling apart between his wife and I because she has doubts. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong to make her so unhappy, I’m trying really hard to do all this stuff just so she will like me and be happy but nothing seems to be working even when I do just what I’m asked. Problem is she’s very outgoing and talkative while I’m shy and quiet around people I’m not very close too especially when it’s my boyfriend’s wife who I feel totally intimidated by because she’s this cute little thing and I have all this pressure about making sure she likes me.
Sorry this is pretty long.
From the beginning there was a little trouble, she thought I didn’t like her because
I was quiet the first time we met. Before the bf and I were officially in a relationship we had been dating and she claimed we were spending too much time together and since her and I weren’t great friends yet and hubby had lied about something not regarding me she didn’t like us being together so she made him stop seeing me, while she was allowed to keep her girlfriend. A few weeks later she messaged me and asked me to come around again because he was unhappy and she wanted him to be happy. All she asked is we got to know each other a little more and I understood because he’s bringing me into their home and agreed.
Fast forward to a week or so ago, we are part of another poly site and there’s a thread about posting random things of your relationship/s. I was browsing and find a post she made that day saying she wasn’t sure she liked me anymore because I seemed uncaring, too busy and didn’t pay enough attention to her husband (my bf). So now I’m confused when I pay attention to him it’s too much for her, I laid off a little bit and she thinks I’m being cold and not liking him enough. Confusing as hell
Last week, my bf asks me to make sure I comment on her posts/whatever online so she doesn’t feel left out because she thinks he and I talk too much. He thinks she is jealous because she’s been looking for a bf and hasn’t had any luck. I asked him well what is she jealous about she lives with him, this amazing guy I only get to see maybe once a week for a couple hours. He said he knew it was a lot to ask but just to try and pay more attention to her and asked me to ask her to see a movie with her. Ok I agree, I want to be able to keep seeing my bf so I better keep the wife happy right?
Now Day after the movie (last Thursday) he and I are talking about how both (wife and mine) our birthdays are this week. I’m bummed about mine so I’m not celebrating but she is excited about hers so there a whole day of events planned. She sent out invites online and I hadn’t responded because I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to go since it’s my cousin’s graduations. Anyway he asked me to respond and make a big deal about it so her feelings don’t get hurt, again I say ok and do it.
Yesterday he asks me to spend the night since today is my birthday and I guess we are going to get some alone time. A few hours later he texts me that I can’t come after all so again another argument between them and I get kicked to the curb. Apparently he asked her what she wanted for her birthday, she says nothing because they’re having this whole day planned so he says that he wants to give her something since he will be giving me something and he didn’t want her to be hurt if she didn’t have an actual gift. Now I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, maybe I’m stupid but she got upset and went to vent on that site about how inconsiderate that was and how he is the one causing problems .
I’m getting tired of this, like I said I feel like I’m trying hard to do all these things to make her happy but she’s still not. I don’t feel like it’s my place to do so, I’m not dating her; I’m her husband’s girlfriend. Maybe I’m wrong? Am I being the stupid young chick new to poly who doesn’t understand? I’ve considered just telling him I don’t want to deal with his wife’s moods anymore and that part of our relationship just isn’t working. But I don’t want to lose him, I care about him, I enjoy our time together, and usually his wife and I seem to get along. I would really like continuing on being his girlfriend but all this just puts that little doubt in the back of my mind that I can’t keep jumping through hoops for her.