I too am feeling some cognitive dissonance, right from the title.
True enough, I am anti-Romantic & firmly believe that soft-skulled Romance is a major cause of many (if not most) relational ills.
But even setting that prejudice aside, I cannot see good reason to justify cheating, lying, subterfuge, gaslighting, manipulation, & so forth, all of which are generally allowed -- even apparently necessary -- to preserve ever-sacred Romance. IMO, refusing to call an illness "illness" makes it no less an illness, & perhaps moreso.
The vast majority of people ARE NOT at risk of losing huge fortunes, sprawling estates, royal titles, lofty positions in church or state. It is (at absolute best) disingenous to put proles in that category. Moreover, though divorce was rare enough when I was a kid (1960s) & even widowed singles were looked at somewhat askance, it hardly causes a turned eyelash nowadays.
I cannot put marital infidelity in the same slot as being a closeted homosexual. Not so long back, being gay (or even thought to be) put a person at risk of every sort of discrimination, up to & including murder. Call it a wild guess, but I figure very few cheating spouses are ever killed for it.
And I'm quite willing to accept that some will paint such an attitude as "being on a moral high-horse."
Nevertheless, I've got to have the concept of "good cheating" as in the same region with "positive abuse."
FallenAngelina, you continue to make an interesting case in strong support of people who claim one thing & do quite another, & often make a big show about demanding punishment of others who are doing pretty much as they are -- look up Tim Murphy.
That's fine. But at what point would you say "enough is too much"? For instance, what would you say to justify someone who's not just cheating on a spouse with their One True Love, but has begun hiding other sexual encounters from THAT person as well? What is the rationale for someone who has a new "partner" every few months? Where is the partition?
How would you respond to find that your "partner" has been hiding a One True Love from you?