New to the Community - San Jose, CA

DTSJ

New member
Greetings! My wife and I are new to the community and lifestyle. We live in San Jose, CA and we've been married for almost 20 years and recently started discussing our future, needs/wants, and ways to ensure we both are fulfilled as we mature. We are happily married with children, all of which are still in the house.

We started discussing open relationships about two years ago, out of a desire to add variety to our sex life. We quickly realized that while exciting and effective when it comes to sex, there is much more to fulfillment for both of us than via sex. I, the husband, have always believed that we should not me limited to loving, caring for, and being intimate with just a single person. My wife has experienced this for herself in the past and while she understands the concept, she is still borderline about living the lifestyle.

She is currently in a relationship and has been for about 6 months. I am not currently in a relationship, so I assume she is what is called the pivot. We are still finding our way, working through the emotions, but have largely had a successful transition from monogamy to nonmonogamy. I'm looking forward to asking some questions, finding support for the wibbles, and hoping to help others. My wife is enjoying her relationship as it grows and is also looking for support, advice, and help in the transition.

Eventually, we will both be posting here and I hope to meet some amazing people!
 
Hello and Welcome to the Forums!

Glad to have you (and your wife) here to share and learn with us. I'm sure Kevin will be along shortly with a list of useful forum tips. It sounds as though you two have given this a good amount of thought and overcome some of the usual hurdles that couples face - namely realizing that using other people to "spice up" your sex lives is a short-sighted plan and that real people are so much more than sex toys!

Yes, currently your wife is the pivot point in a V (we often refer to this as the "hinge"). When you are in a relationship, you will be another hinge, now in an N. You should be prepared, however, for your wife to hit another hurdle when you DO start to see someone. It is often easier for people to accept poly/open for themselves and still struggle to watch their partner in a relationship with others. (After all, we "know" what is going on inside of our own heads and that we still love the original partner, but you can't ever "know" what someone else is thinking/feeling.)

I hope you find your time with us enjoyable and productive!

JaneQ
 
Greetings DTSJ,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I looked at your other thread, and responded there briefly. To summarize, there are two main things you can do to adjust to poly; first, you can read a lot about poly, both here on this forum, and in More than Two; and second, you can communicate a lot with your wife. Poly is a gradual process, you don't want to just leap in with both feet, you want to inch in a little at a time. Also post thoughts and questions here, you can get valuable feedback. I hope you'll enjoy your stay here!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Hi DTSJ - and welcome to the Forum! We will look forward to hearing more of your story as it unfolds. We do have a number of experienced poly folks here who are generally helpful and friendly so please do not hesitate to post any specific thoughts and questions that you may have.

Here's a link to a handy collection of quality poly websites that you might find helpful: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108191

Best of luck on our journey!

Al
 
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