A request: state your gender and sexual preference/orientation

River, I started this thread over 5 years ago. Terminology has evolved.

But not the title.

As "spaminator," I probably have the power to change the title to include the word "orientation" rather than "preference" -- if you think that would be alright. Should I?

(It is possible that a moderator will have to do this. But I probably have access to the techy-thingy to do it.)
 
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I understand the discomfort with sexual preference and how it can feel very erasing and implying that one could (and thus should) change to something more 'mainstream'. But my sexuality is fluid - I have had a preference for one gender over another. And that preference changes over time. Orientation implies something fixed, something innate. While many folks conceive of their sexuality as innate, I don't. Preference is far from a good descriptor. It also implies the false dichotomy of 'choice' vs genetics. Sexuality is way more complicated than the old trope of nature vs nurture. But sexual orientation feels erasing and badly fitting to me as I imagine sexual preference feels to other folks. If retitling is necessary, (and I am not sure if it is), maybe 'describe your gender and sexuality' would be appropriate.
 
Good point opal.

River, obviously neither term is perfect. If you want, you could change it to "orientation/preference" both.

As restated by NYCindie, this thread was not meant as a place to state one's gender or preferences/orientation anyway, but just a request for people asking for advice to mention it in their posts so appropriate advice can be given.
 
Hey Mags, your initial post that started this thread is past the time for editing, and it's not a blog, so it's not really eligible to be changed, but I can - only if you want me to. I wouldn't change a thread title without permission or a request from whoever started it, no matter how many other members dislike it (unless it was spam or spewing hate, etc.).

There have been lots of thread titles I've wanted to change due to misspellings, being a former spelling bee champion, but I don't.
 
I understand the discomfort with sexual preference and how it can feel very erasing and implying that one could (and thus should) change to something more 'mainstream'. But my sexuality is fluid - I have had a preference for one gender over another. And that preference changes over time. Orientation implies something fixed, something innate. While many folks conceive of their sexuality as innate, I don't. Preference is far from a good descriptor. It also implies the false dichotomy of 'choice' vs genetics. Sexuality is way more complicated than the old trope of nature vs nurture. But sexual orientation feels erasing and badly fitting to me as I imagine sexual preference feels to other folks. If retitling is necessary, (and I am not sure if it is), maybe 'describe your gender and sexuality' would be appropriate.

This is a sensitive and intelligent response. Thanks.

Often our vocabulary is inadequate to the real world. I've been noticing this more and more as I grow older.

One of my favorite examples is that we have no word which means both work and play (in English). The consequence is that our sense of both is deprived by some lack of the other in it. We also have no word in English for relationships which are no longer limited to "acquaintance," but in which it's premature or not-quite-accurate to call the person a "friend". (A word rendered almost meaningless in a Facebook world.)

I'm sure others here will have their own pet peeve examples -- and that mine will not sit well with some. That's life!

By the way, my sexual "orientation" is also fluid and dynamic. This is probably true for most (okay, many) folks who have lived long and who are somewhat honest about it all. Sometimes I'm all about the guys. Other times, the gals. Other times -- any human being will do just fine -- thanks!
 
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Hey Mags, your initial post that started this thread is past the time for editing, and it's not a blog, so it's not really eligible to be changed, but I can - only if you want me to. I wouldn't change a thread title without permission or a request from whoever started it, no matter how many other members dislike it (unless it was spam or spewing hate, etc.).

OK, go ahead and change it to "preference/orientation" so River can sleep at night. :p Far be it from me, as a queer person myself, to cause any other queers or allies distress.

There have been lots of thread titles I've wanted to change due to misspellings, being a former spelling bee champion, but I don't.

I feel ya!
 
Female biromantic (romantically attracted to both male and females) straight gray asexual (when I do experience sexual attraction, which is very rare, it's only with men).
 
Note to any mods/admins that might notice this:

Right now every post shows

  • Join Date
  • Location
  • Posts
I would like it to show "Gender" as well ... whatever the particular user has in their profile. If they did not enter their gender, it could be left out in their posts in the same way that "Location" is.
 
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