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  #1  
Old 06-24-2020, 02:50 PM
bunni522 bunni522 is offline
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Default I outed myself publicly as poly!!!

Friends...

I am over the moon right now!

I just want to share a little story here.

--

My hubs and I have been poly for about 2 years, but we never really get luck in landing people. To be clear, we are each looking for separate V's... I am looking for a gf for me. He is looking for a gf for him.

We get close, we talk to girls and we sometimes get as far enough as telling them our poly situation, sometimes we dont.. Either way, it never really... goes.

We've been more active lately in this pursuit and I told a girl i used to have a crush on that I liked her and started a flirtation with her -- told her everything about how i am poly, etc. Only to have her really kind of just stringing me along, not really being clear if she wants to pursue anything or not... Shes essentially being nice but shutting me down, so here we go, dead end again.

BUT

I finally got tired of it.

Baring my soul to girls, being very upfront, TRYING, not even knowing if they may or may not be open to a poly relationship in the first place.

My hubs kept having the issue of this: girls dont believe him. There have been many times where he barely tries to initiate convos with women and they shut him down completely because hes married. Or, he might get as far as initial getting-to-know-yous, will tell them we are poly, they will not believe it.. Or if they do, they get cold feet. Regardless, despite me even having conversations with a couple of them to confirm that HE IS NOT LYING AND TRYING TO CHEAT ON ME, WE ARE INDEED POLY!

So. I was done. And heres what i did:

I'm friends with just about everybody i know on facebook. My friends, his, co-workers, family, etc.

I wrote a long post, an "outting" of sorts that WE ARE POLY!

I explained what it was, briefly. i explained everything, down to the fact that we are looking for separate V's (each a gf, etc.). Explained that we have open communication, explained that we tell each other pretty much everything and it is OKAY to flirt or talk with either of us.... Just the whole 9-yards. Of course, my hub and i talked about this extensively before i posted it, and he reviewed it as well before i did. TEAMWORK! (high-fives).

And what happened?

We got a SEA of support!

Almost everybody congratulated us, said super nice things. We didnt meet one negative reaction at all. I did however hide it from view of some of our more closed-minded family members -- we know it will get around to them, but we don't mind.


And whats better?

People have come out from under the wood-works.

I had a few simply message me to thank me for being so open and standing up for polyamory and tell me that they are also on similar journeys.

But me, and my husband alike, have gotten women message us individually with intentions to flirt with us and see how far it will go!

A particular girl, mutual friend of ours that i only met myself a couple of times, is in my DMs now and she has confessed that she has always wanted to talk to me and wondered about me and only asked about me around because she was too shy, but now that she saw me post what i did, she wanted to give it a shot and approach me after being so scared to do it for so long.

And its been amazing, my friends. This woman would have never talked to me if I hadn't just put it all out there, i would have never known how she felt, she would have never tried. And honestly, i havent talked to a girl that ive connected with like her in almost 12 years. We have had an instant spark and have been talking endlessly in the matter of just a day, and we never run out of things to say, we have SO MUCH IN COMMON. Her energy is just so beautiful, and I cant believe she was right there this whole time, while im over here trying with girls that can barely send me a one-word response every few hours.

THE DIFFERENCE.

I guess I am just excited and wanted to share, but ultimately I also wanted to say -- do NOT be afraid of BEING WHO YOU ARE! Embrace yourself! Embrace poly! Don't let anybody stop you from finding your light <3
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  #2  
Old 06-24-2020, 05:37 PM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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Aw, congratulations. I'm glad you've had such a positive reaction.

I've never done a big coming out on social media, but I share poly related memes, articles, etc and post about both of my partners. Most people are great. Some of the older and/or more conservative folks get judgy, but whatever. Hubby has had some issues with his family, but mine pretty much ignores it if they don't approve. Overall, I totally agree that hiding isn't the best. I'm not super vocal about my relationship structure but don't hide either.
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  #3  
Old 06-24-2020, 06:31 PM
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Al99 Al99 is offline
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Quote:
I outed myself publicly as poly!!!
Congrats! And it is great that you got such a positive response.

Al
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Dramatis Personae:
Me: Al99, poly, heterosexual male, 50's
Becky: married to Al99, poly, heterosexual female, late 30's
Bouncingbetty: ldr girlfriend to Al99, poly, pansexual female, mid 30's
Jill: local fwb to Al99, heterosexual female, early 50's.
Sam: Becky's boyfriend, heterosexual male, 50's.
Ben: Becky's long time friend and former partner, heterosexual male, 40's


_________________________________________


My Introductory Post - An Unexpected Introduction to Poly.
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  #4  
Old 06-24-2020, 07:53 PM
bunni522 bunni522 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlwaysGrowing View Post
Aw, congratulations. I'm glad you've had such a positive reaction.

I've never done a big coming out on social media, but I share poly related memes, articles, etc and post about both of my partners. Most people are great. Some of the older and/or more conservative folks get judgy, but whatever. Hubby has had some issues with his family, but mine pretty much ignores it if they don't approve. Overall, I totally agree that hiding isn't the best. I'm not super vocal about my relationship structure but don't hide either.
I never thought that I would do a coming out, I always kind of felt like it was on a need-to-know basis. My hub has always been a lot more vocal about it, but i think that was part of the problem -- he was vocal and i wasnt, which gave this weird misconception to a lot of people we were around that perhaps it wasn't true. People started seeing him as this bad-guy type that was trying to cheat on me.. some even thought as far as seeing him as this manipulator that was trying to trick me into a threesome. It doesnt help that hes a big ol' extrovert and naturally very social and i am very introverted and withdrawn and dont go out with him too much (hes a musician and plays shows sometimes and people thought it was weird i didnt always go... like... i want to be home, im tired lol). People were starting to gossip, he lost some friends over it. He even told them sometimes "you can ask her, she'll be happy to tell you" and was met with more of an eye-roll "yeah, riiight" type of reaction.

It was hard on him to be honest. I didn't expect people to be so mean about him just being comfortable with who he is. It was just feeling inevitable at this point to have just throw something out there to stop everybody's BS immediately.

But I'm happy with how it turned out. I cleared the air, AND we got the bonus of a little easier path in our search for gfs haha
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  #5  
Old 06-24-2020, 11:37 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi bunni,

I'm very happy for you, you've taken a brave new step into the world, received a world of support, and even it looks like gained a girlfriend! I wish every coming out story could be so encouraging, I think in most cases it goes better than the people coming out expected, but not always. Clearly you have some true friends! not just fair-weather friends.

With high fives to you,
Kevin T.
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Old 06-25-2020, 01:20 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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That's cool! I can tell how freeing it must feel. Good luck with your new friend, too.
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  #7  
Old 06-25-2020, 07:12 PM
bunni522 bunni522 is offline
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Thank you all for your kind words! <3

Things have been really great so far with new girl, Dee. She's been messaging me non-stop and she's so sweet, she tries SO HARD to make conversation with me, actually asks about my interests with genuine desire to know. I am only hoping that I can keep up with her energy and not let her down!

The catch though... she's long-distance now. Back when I met her, she was only here for a brief stay, she stayed a couple of months with one of my hub's best friends before going back to the East Coast. She lives over there with her bf, who is as happy that we are talking as my hubs is for us too, but it will have to be long-distance, which is something I have zero experience with. She has mentioned that she is willing to travel in at some point to visit though, so I suppose it doesn't look all too glum!


It's nice though, the idea of getting to know somebody from a far, primarily virtually. We were even talking about the movie Her -- I started watching it after someone recommended it on this site! We both have really similar views about love and relationships and exploring different ways outside of the traditional boundaries to love other people, so I think that if this keeps flourishing, we can make it work.
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Old 06-25-2020, 07:38 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Sounds good. Long distance can be kind of a pain, but if you keep the channels of communication open with Dee, you can probably navigate the bumps and the whirlpools.
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