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Old 06-21-2020, 07:12 AM
PolyLove2020 PolyLove2020 is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 3
Default Lonely

I feel so lonely at times. New state , No friends , no family ; and to top it off my triad is falling apart. Depression is really kicking my ass. I miss my family , I want friends and I want my triad unit back strong. I havent cried in a long time about this bt Its getting harder and harder to keep the tears from falling. All this anger I have inside of me , it gets taken out on Virgo and Gemini. I feel like Im pushing them away but im hurting. And they say hurt people , hurt people right?

Some days I want to end it all , but I think of all the people that it would hurt. Thats the only thing that keeps me hear. Living or dying I dont care about. Bt I dont want to hurt the ones I love. I cant do that.... So what do I do instead? I hold that shit in and live this life..... my life..... The one im supposed to be so thankful for. Something has to change. I hate feeling like this. !!!NOTE!!!! NO IM NOT SUICIDAL AT THE MOMENT JUST LETTING THIS SHIT OUT.

I just needed to vent honestly.... This is an awesome release for me since I have no one to talk to.
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Old 06-21-2020, 03:26 PM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: NY
Posts: 766

I've been thinking of making myself a scrapbook to look at in those moments. Because I think I understand what you mean, about the difference between actively wanting self harm or just wishing things weren't the way they were and that you could be away from it.

But we can't make some parts of reality change no matter how much we desperately want to. So I read about these things called Hope Boxes or Hope Albums, where you make it full of all the good things in your life. I don't know if that is something you would find helpful.
Me: 36 yrs, poly pansexual Dominant woman.
My People:
Henry, 32yrs, my husband & collared submissive (5yrs), poly, pansexual, currently no other partners.
Charles, 27yrs, my boyfriend (1yr), poly, heteroflexible, currently no other partners.
Jennifer, 44yrs, ex girlfriend but very close friend.
Mark/xH, ex husband (10yrs married, 2yrs divorced).
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Old 06-21-2020, 05:12 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 7,908

Here's your intro thread, for background.


It's hard when you move and don't know anyone except your SO(s). Why did you move? Did someone get a new job?

Are you working? Do you have money of your own and a plan to get out of this toxic relationship and start a fresh new life? If you don't want to be cut out of their lives forever, it's possible to transition from lovers to friends.

I read that Gemini supported you at a low point in your life. But now it doesn't sound so good. If you have psychological problems, they come from within. A partner can only do so much. Do you have a therapist?

Do you want to move back to where your family and friends are?
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 64)
Pixi (poly, F, 42) my partner since January 2009, cohabiting
"Maestro" (mono, M, 38), Pixi's bf since April 2013, co-primary
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Old 06-21-2020, 08:12 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 18,598

Hi PolyLove,

I'm very sorry that you're feeling so lonely, and that things are out of sorts with your triad. It sounds like some of it is internal, and some of it is external. I hope you can sit down with Virgo and Gemini, and explain what you're going through, and why. I know something of what it's like to almost wish you could end it all, I was at that point myself some fifteen or twenty years ago. To be honest, I was too selfish to care who it would hurt, what stopped me was that I had too weak a stomach to do that kind of violence to myself. Fortunately, things started to improve for me in the subsequent years. But I could not forget the low I had gotten to.

I am here to listen, to sympathize, empathize, and reassure wherever possible. You are a good person, you are just going through some things right now. If you'll continue posting about your situation, I'll continue to offer as much advice and comfort as I can. You are absolutely right, that hurt people hurt people. You are hurting inside, and there's nowhere for that hurt to go. I just hope this forum/thread lets you release some of that pain.

Hang in there,
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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