Jill's Journal

I would use the the same four digit number anytime I needed a four digit pin...
But MY "love language" is "Acts of Service"...

******
Mine was the first night my wife and I made love, which turns out the date she decided I was her husband.

Totally with you acts of service.

Those parts in a movie or book, shit in can be reading the Wall Street Journal and read about someone doing something nice for someone, and I am crying, because if course I am a Big Bad Dom.

Who just happens to be a total mushball cupcake.

I often forget the event on the actual date, so I can celebrate "I was thinking about..." Let me take you out to your favorite restaurant.

One birthday (which my wife told everyone about for years) I bought her a specail set lunch for two at a Kaiseiki Ryiori restaurant (this is a type of Japanese food I like but don't love, but my wife loves it and her friend loves it.

So I told her friend to meet me at the restaurant, that I needed to talk to her about my wife, so don't tell my wife.

Took my wife for a walk, place was about four blocks from our house.
We got there, friend is waiting. We went in. I said, "well lunch is only for two, so... I'll see you guys later."

My wife told me it was the single best present she had ever had in her life.

She had never eaten anyplace where it was go in eat and eat and eat some more then get up and leave, no bill no nothing.
 
Everything is roses the day after datenight

We had a wonderful time lastnight.. The bad news is now I have to like rush to do all the stuff for class that I blew off all weekend..

There is a lesson in here someplace..
 
a little romance

So last night was the 1 year anniversary of Renee and I meeting. She says she knew it was this month but could not remember the date... Im girly like that and I use the calendar in my phone like crazy. What I don't remember it does.

So before our date I called the restaurant where the wedding reception was held and got a reservation, it turns out I would not have needed one, but they did it up really nice knowing what it was... (after a few looks, the age difference we figured)

Before that, before we even got ready for our date I wanted to talk to her about something so I pulled Renee aside and told her I wanted to work my way into doing something slowly. Back in over the summer she had asked me if I would be willing to do something she was into. When she asked I told her no I was just not into that. She said that was fine, that is was not deal breaker and never said anything about it again.

It rolled around in my head for the past few months, me wondering, me thinking about it, me goggling lol. I just could not get it or the idea out of my mind. She loved my idea, and we started slowly exploring it.

A few hours later we were both showered and ready, I was wearing the dress I wore the night we met. I am happy to say that the dress was a little big. All the clean living I guess lol. At this point she didn't know what I was doing. I asked her if I could drive us to dinner because I had made us a reservation. As I was driving I gave her an anniversary card. She loved it, and I could tell she was calming down about letting me pick dinner.

We had a great dinner, a lot of talking about what we first thought of each other and stuff like that. I was going to try to pay for dinner but she bought a pretty expensive bottle of wine so that killed my idea and I giggled as I told her that. She just smiled, and poured me a glass. We talked over dinner about the past few months and the next. I told her happy I am becoming, and I told her about the things is still struggle with. She held my hand and listened to every word, and told me she loved me and that the things she could work on she would.

She kept the hotel room from Saturday night so we had a short drive to the hotel. The room was amazing, such a great view. We didn't leave the room for the rest of the night. Its pretty amazing when you can like open a door and close it and like block out the whole world... if only for a few hours.

We got to sleep in, maybe alittle too long, it was a rush to get me back to the house and my car, for class. With the start of the holidays coming up I know it will be busy so it was good to have this time together.

With the holidays coming up and me not really sure how I am going to deal with them, I have like family obligations. Well I feel like they are obligations, Renee does not want to encourage me one way or the other (between staying here for Thanksgiving or going home, down to the country) She knows either way I will struggle, it will be hard not being with her or not being with my Dad and the rest of the family, so no matter what is not going to be easy. I still have not made a decision.
 
It sounds as though you really did a good job at honoring the "anniversary of your meeting" - just enough, not too much...and some good communication followed by sexy time.

The upcoming holiday times can be stressful in some families. (I'm thankful that my family and my husband's family are so easy-going about stuff like that - we often get together the weekend before or after the actual holiday.) It sounds as though Renee is understanding, so it is really up to you.

MrS and I have a long-standing "rule" that we can ask each other to attend 3 events a year that the other doesn't want to. We hardly ever make it to 3. So I tend to divide events into 1.) things that I feel obligated to attend whether anyone else goes or not, 2.) things that I need/want to have my "official husband" there for, and 3.) Things that I need/want to have my "chosen family" around me for.
 
Big smile on my face...

"sexy time" that just makes me smile..

I could tell my Dad Renee and Mark invited me, and need me here Friday because the boys are off school. It would not be a lie, but it would not be the honest truth. Soon I going to have to like be honest to my dad about this, or at least tell him there is someone... Or maybe just like explain my happiness..

Well it's not going to be tonigh..
 
Dad knows what exactly?

Soon I going to have to like be honest to my dad about this, or at least tell him there is someone... Or maybe just like explain my happiness.

I thought Dad knew you liked girls. Or is that sort of in the "well I don't think I like guys" stage.

As a father, yes it was difficult to let go of my dreams or having a pornstar/stripper daughter and accept BOTH would be college graduates. We want our children to be happy.

I remember my father, drunk one night asking me what I thought about my sister being gay, "makes perfect sense to me, Pop. I like girls too."

Next morning, sis and gf come down the stairs, Pop gets up and hugs gf, says, "Welcome to the family." Hugs my sister and says, "I love you and want you to be happy."
 
My dad knows I am a lesbian

I came out when I was 19. I tried to like boys in high school. It just didn't work, I waited until I was away at school...

Now he does not know I am intimate with the married woman I live with. He had met both Renee and Mark. I had to explain my living situation when I told him I was quiting my retail job to work and live with them. My aunt (my moms younger sister told me he is wondering why I have not called to ask for money. Like I have always done.) she knows, I told her what was really going on. She has told me she wants me to be happy, she is not sure this is the best way for me to be happy, but she can keep a secret.

I would like to think that the lesbian part was the hard part but this is not going to be easy... The time is coming soon...
 
Hockey game tonigh

Mark just sent me a text, he has 4 extra seats in a box at the Blues's game tonight. Renee is working so I guess it will be me and 3 friends with him and some of his employees and customers.. It should be fun..
 
I came out when I was 19. I tried to like boys in high school. It just didn't work, I waited until I was away at school...

I would like to think that the lesbian part was the hard part but this is not going to be easy... The time is coming soon...

Why is this not going to be easy? The whole I tried to like boys, how did that work?
When I was in HS if it moved I fucked it. Part of that was hormones ramped through the roof and the other part was feeling unloved and unloveable.

Since my wife jumped into me, I have gotten totally picky. Maybe there has been some completion of the feeling incomplete and needing to find my other half. There is still a part of me that wants a companion, but 15 years in I have to suspect there is some very different thing going on for me.

I take it Dad has never met Renee and Mark. Just tell him. This is like that pimple in HS that looked Mount Everest to YOU in the mirror and no one else gave a shit. When you came out at 19 how bad was it? How did your father react?

You are inside a stable family as best I can tell. With j9 that is 10 years. From the sounds of the dynamic between you and Renee, there is some slight tension as she pushes you towards things you've never done. I am sure just hating how now you have one more thing that makes you come! Lol

So often we have these big things and in the end it is a total, "yeah and so what was the Important thing you wanted to tell me?"

I keep hearing about Dad, but never Mom. I think I missed the mom died? Mom ran off with the mail man, mom ran off with Dad's secretary? Is thanksgiving a big gathering at your house?

My thanksgivings were at our ancestral farm. Always my father's side of the family because my mother's side lived a thousand or more miles away. But it was a gathering, like seven adults and ten or so kids. Took two tables. Then as we got older a couple of the adults died, but kids started bring gf bf assorted friends from school who lived to far to go home. There were times, cold at Thanks giving when I and a friend or two slept in the hay barn in sleeping bags the house was so full of people.

So if it dad alone, he might like coming to a larger family gathering. My gf used to freak because our family fought and argued all the time, but we thought nothing of it, we were just people who debated with passion. Dinner over, argument over, I think after like fifteen years of this we decided to have a code word, "peanut butter" to let someone know they needed to chill. Argument ramped up, someone said to my sister, "I think you need a peanut butter sandwich." She was in the middle of telling someone in clear terms what an asshole they were and added, "and you can take that peanut butter sandwich and shove it up you ass!" Whole family cracked up.

Just a thought

I mean it sounds like you guys are getting along very well. I do not see this relationship ending anytime soon.
 
I am very grateful to have dental insurance

I never had a bad experience at the dentest and wore braces when I was 13. I am still not comfortable with other peoples hands in my mouth..

Answers to bigger questions once this woman takes her fingers out of my mouth
 
Questions..

Yes my Dad has met Renee and Mark, we all had dinner before I moved in (or started working for them) they met one other time when my dad happend to be in town for another dinner...

We lost my Mom when I was 13 breast cancer..

My Dad is a pretty traditional man, I am not sure if he would understand this relationship. It's a pretty common thing for friends who know me to jump to the conclusion that I am looking for a mother figure in Renee. I am not saying they are wrong. I do have a mother figure I look to for advice, my Aunt my Mom's younger sister, she knows about the relationship. She tells me she just wants me to be happy, anything else she keeps to herself.

Back to my Dad he didn't even start dating until after I was away at school. He has been seeing a woman for about two years now, and that makes me happy.

He and my family took me coming out really well. He called me brave for being able to do it. (So much for the brave little girl now.. Right)

It's odd because I don't like hiding my relationship or my love for Renee from anyone.. But the person I am very close to has no idea.

For Thanksgiving everyone comes to my Grandmothers (well this year it's Thanksgiving, it changes because the family is pretty big and spread out. Next year everyone will be down for Xmas.

I think I got them all
 
We lost my Mom when I was 13 breast cancer..

Just a pet peeve of mine! but this sounds like you were irresponsible.
She left us sounds like she is
"She passed". Gas!?!

Graduated is what I came up with.

She successful completed life and graduated
 
My Dad is a pretty traditional man, I am not sure if he would understand this relationship. It's a pretty common thing for friends who know me to jump to the conclusion that I am looking for a mother figure in Renee.
I think as a father, I would want to know. He knows you are gay and this looks like it is likely going to be a longterm stable relationship.

He might be traditional, but he likely is also a practical man.


Back to my Dad he didn't even start dating until after I was away at school. He has been seeing a woman for about two years now, and that makes me happy.

I "dated" after my wife died, but it was specifically looking for wife, thinking my daughters needed a woman in the house, because they were 6 and 9, when they hit 11 and 14 I stopped and decided I could raise them.

Youngest is finishing college next May. I still have not dated much, a few dates. Been alone for 15 years now. Feel like. I would love to, but I am a hard match

So I can get his POV. Let him know you are happy too.
 
thats good advice...

I am, thinking I might have that talk with him over the holiday..
 
last tournament of the fall

I'm getting ready to head out for the last soccer tournament of the fall. Its so cold out there 29 right now.. I thought about wearing pants since I have to stand back there all day... Nope not going to happen, in my mind all my friends would make fun of me... It has been a great club season, and I look forward to seeing all my teammates back at the indoor fields in the near future.

my thoughts turn to the holidays, gifts for Renee should be pretty easy, last year I got her a purse from this really neat food truck that sells clothes. They don't sell food lol. I think I will get her something from that truck again. Now I am really not sure what to get for Mark I will see what Renee thinks. The boys that should be pretty easy.

For Thanksgiving I am going to go home and have the conversation with my Dad about pretty much everything. Any advice from Fathers would be helpful, so don't hold back...

The good news is, it wont be dull
 
Getting old

My gosh being outside all day, sore everything.. My arches are killing me this is something new...

Not sure if we will play tomorrow, it will depend on the weather. It's starting to snow here, I hope Renee has something planned around a fireplace tonight..
 
Crazy week

Hi everyone sorry for not posting, it's been crazy.

I had a long chat with my Dad (no I didn't tell him) he told me he was thinking about taking his girl friend to Florida on the Friday after Thanksgiving for a few days. I sort of suggested that he could leave alittle early if he wanted to. That I could stay up here. He loved the idea, he was alittle worried about his little girl over the holiday, I told him I would be fine here.

I know doing this is pushing off me telling him the truth about Renee and I. It also allows me to spend Thanksgiving with Renee and her famliy who I do also love.

Renee was happy to hear the news, she was also a little dissapointed in me not talking to him about us or this... So I will have to do this before Christmas.

So that's the long story short..
 
Fair warning to Midtown

Mark and Renee are out on datenight, the boys are staying at friends. I'm driving my car to my old apartment and going out with a bunch of friends. No soccer tomorrow means lots of drinks.. Once it's last call I am going to sleep in my old bed... Tomorrow morning I will wake up in my old room and come home..
 
Bad news..

Renee wants to go to the wineries with some friends this afternoon. I hope a can get a good vintage of water because I drank way too much last night. I have to take her car to get an oil change then we are off. I am going to try to talk her in stopping for a big lunch first, because I need it..

What are you doing on Saturday?
 
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