I was about to reply in the "What should I expect my partner to share about me to others" thread, but didn't want to hijack the thread.
Let me start by saying that I understand that telling someone you have a primary they will be secondary to is a severe party pooper. My girl goes on dates with other guys and pretty much keeps it casual (with sex and no real strings) with them, but has always said she's truly polyamorous, in that she could very well develop love feelings for someone else besides me, though that would never mean I would be replaced. She tells me she loves me and that she's attracted to me and that I'm very, very, very special to her. I don't expect her to say anything to new guys at first except that she dates around and isn't exclusive.
So...
She's started texting a guy who lives out of town. After getting her interested in him, he revealed that he's got a primary, but they have a poly relationship and have been looking for another female. Not just sexually but semi-relationship-wise too. She told him the same thing she's told me...that she's not a relationship person, though she could be convinced to have sex with the female of the relationship alone, despite the girl not being her type. (As in no threesomes. She has a no threesomes rule. Of course, even though she's strict about that, part of me says that there is always a possibility once things got going it would be a slippery slope.)
Getting back to the subject of this thread, so far, all she's said is that she's poly in general and hasn't spoken of me in specific. Mind you, they've been texting for at least 2 weeks and maybe even a month. Again, casual flirty, sexy stuff. Meanwhile she calls me Papa and I call her Babygirl. She technically lives at home with her parents, but she sleeps over at my house for 2 or 3 weeks at at time and has for 3 or 4 months. I buy her groceries, buy her pretty clothes, pay for our dates and we've gotten 4 pets together. (I'm not trying to buy her love. And she'd always tell me I don't have to buy her anything ever. That's my choice.)
She knows I know the guy's name. (We kind of "bro out" about her texts sometimes. She told me at first she wasn't interested but then he told her he has a Prince Albert and that his cock is 6 inches in circumference (mine's no slouch but that is, if true, I'd be kind of curious to try it too.)...so she got curious and the texting got more intense.)
I'm thinking of asking "So what's this guy all about?" and transitioning into "What have you told him about your dating situation? Have you told him just that you're poly or that you have a steady companion?"
Is that asking too much? I feel like he has explained his situation in detail, but she hasn't done the same. I'm pretty sure she's only just told him that she's poly...and not that she has someone serious and regular like me.
I know that might be just so he doesn't lose interest, but I feel like the depth of our companionship deserves some discussion with the dude.
As the guy and his woman live 3 hours away and she couldn't bear to move away from her family, I don't really see this becoming more than the guy and maybe later the girl coming up for "dates", but you never know.
What's reasonable for me to expect?
Let me start by saying that I understand that telling someone you have a primary they will be secondary to is a severe party pooper. My girl goes on dates with other guys and pretty much keeps it casual (with sex and no real strings) with them, but has always said she's truly polyamorous, in that she could very well develop love feelings for someone else besides me, though that would never mean I would be replaced. She tells me she loves me and that she's attracted to me and that I'm very, very, very special to her. I don't expect her to say anything to new guys at first except that she dates around and isn't exclusive.
So...
She's started texting a guy who lives out of town. After getting her interested in him, he revealed that he's got a primary, but they have a poly relationship and have been looking for another female. Not just sexually but semi-relationship-wise too. She told him the same thing she's told me...that she's not a relationship person, though she could be convinced to have sex with the female of the relationship alone, despite the girl not being her type. (As in no threesomes. She has a no threesomes rule. Of course, even though she's strict about that, part of me says that there is always a possibility once things got going it would be a slippery slope.)
Getting back to the subject of this thread, so far, all she's said is that she's poly in general and hasn't spoken of me in specific. Mind you, they've been texting for at least 2 weeks and maybe even a month. Again, casual flirty, sexy stuff. Meanwhile she calls me Papa and I call her Babygirl. She technically lives at home with her parents, but she sleeps over at my house for 2 or 3 weeks at at time and has for 3 or 4 months. I buy her groceries, buy her pretty clothes, pay for our dates and we've gotten 4 pets together. (I'm not trying to buy her love. And she'd always tell me I don't have to buy her anything ever. That's my choice.)
She knows I know the guy's name. (We kind of "bro out" about her texts sometimes. She told me at first she wasn't interested but then he told her he has a Prince Albert and that his cock is 6 inches in circumference (mine's no slouch but that is, if true, I'd be kind of curious to try it too.)...so she got curious and the texting got more intense.)
I'm thinking of asking "So what's this guy all about?" and transitioning into "What have you told him about your dating situation? Have you told him just that you're poly or that you have a steady companion?"
Is that asking too much? I feel like he has explained his situation in detail, but she hasn't done the same. I'm pretty sure she's only just told him that she's poly...and not that she has someone serious and regular like me.
I know that might be just so he doesn't lose interest, but I feel like the depth of our companionship deserves some discussion with the dude.
As the guy and his woman live 3 hours away and she couldn't bear to move away from her family, I don't really see this becoming more than the guy and maybe later the girl coming up for "dates", but you never know.
What's reasonable for me to expect?