Going back to manogomy

I agree with the sex therapist idea, if your husband is willing. I know that he is doing some things that are "unfair," but he has to be going through Hell, thinking that he isn't "man enough" for you.
 
Gemma,

Both you and your bf have a right to have a say so in this. Your husband does not just get to rip apart the lives of two people for his own selfish ends. I get that there are two things that hinder him - the fact that he hasn't found anyone, and part of the reason for that, unfortunately, might be his disability.

Often, able-bodied people fear dating people with disabilities. This also might be a source of insecurity for your husband. That is unfortunate. But you have the right to be happy. Also, your boyfriend's happiness should not hinge on what your husband wants, either.

What your husband is doing is selfish and unfair. Perhaps he should work on his insecurities rather than trying to force you to give up someone you truly care for.

Perhaps you should also ask yourself this: Does this marriage fulfill you? Which partner fulfills you more? Is your husband's word the end all be all? If so, why? Just some things to think about...
 
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Have you two tried a sex therapist, especially one focusing on disability?

Whether or not you are now in love with your boyfriend and do not want to give it up, you protect old relationships by investing in them.

And it sounds like both of you are not satisfied with the status quo.

I’m all for investing in my sexual relationship with my husband. We haven’t seen a sex therapist so maybe that would be a good idea. My husband’s way of thinking is if we find other ways to please me in the bedroom that I won’t want sex with my bf anymore.
 
Hi Gemma,

Sorry to hear that things haven't gotten any better; in fact, they've gotten worse; you've lost your confidante. Personally I don't think you should have to give up your boyfriend, but if you are racked with guilt about how upset your husband is, I guess you could give up the boyfriend and see if that made him (and by extension you) feel better. Only you can decide.

Regards,
Kevin T.

DH doesn’t seem to have a problem with the friendship. He knows we are super close, we’ve all been friends for over 14yrs. His main problem is the sex he wants our sexual relationship to stop. Husband wants to be the only one to please me as it should be (in his eyes) since we are married. DH is hoping he can find other ways to please me other than sexual positions. That way I won’t want sex with the bf anymore. My bf suggested to take a break sexually for a while.
 
Your situation is more complex because of the family component. I am sure you love your husband and want to maintain the relationship. I also feel for your boyfriend, especially since it has been such a long time. Does he know what is going on with your other relationship? I am wondering what he thinks about things. Being an objective, non-biased person, I completely understand this "being between a rock and a hard place" situation, and how you feel stuck, and how you want to stay with your husband but are not sure how to proceed. My subjective, emotional side, which is 100% on YOUR side, wishes you would leave your husband because I don't like how he is handling this. It just doesn't seem fair. I know you can't and won't do that though. Just sharing my thought space!

My boyfriend knows everything about my husband’s insecurities. He’s been amazingly supportive. He doesn’t want to lose me and will follow my lead on whatever I decide. He suggested taking a break sexually if that would help. He says he doesn’t want to go down that road but it’s up to me. He said he loves me whatever happens. Bf understands that no one person can meet all of another person's needs.

I feel I’m being unfair to him because he has to deal with the backlash of my husband’s freak outs. The number of times we’ve almost ended because of them. The emotional whiplash is extremely hard. My husband doesn’t seem to care about my bfs feelings much. His response is “well he knew what he was getting into sleeping with a married woman”

I’m trying to find a happy medium for all. I feel like whatever I say or do I’m hurting one of them.
 
DH doesn’t seem to have a problem with the friendship. He knows we are super close, we’ve all been friends for over 14yrs.

My bf suggested to take a break sexually for a while.

His (husband's) main problem is the sex he wants our sexual relationship to stop. Husband wants to be the only one to please me as it should be (in his eyes) since we are married. .


Gemma, since you're all great friends and your boyfriend has already suggested taking a break from the sexual relationship, may I suggest this:

- Husband commits to a course of physical therapy aimed at strengthening muscle tone and control. (I realise he may be embarrassed and self-conscious, but it'd be helpful if the therapist understood the reason for seeking PT as there may be particular exercises that help with sexual function and associated movement).

- You AND husband agree to see a sex therapist together in order to address the current mismatch in this area (sexual incompatibility) and figure out how to approach the issue of mono/poly in the future.

- Take a (temporary) break from the sexual side of the relationship with boyfriend, and transition to platonic friendship... with the understanding that husband must commit to at least trying to meet your sexual needs. The therapist will have some ideas, I hope, however as one of the other posters said... "sex" need not be ALL about PIV... there are fingers and mouths and toys and imagination. There are fantasies and porn you can indulge in together.

If your husband refuses to branch out and employ his creative side in the bedroom, or won't go to a therapist, I believe you're within your rights to revert to getting those needs met elsewhere (with boyfriend in this case, if he is still on board after the sexual moratorium) or in some other relationship.

Before doing/agreeing to any of the above, I'd discuss your wishes, boundaries and deal-breakers in detail with both husband and boyfriend, so everybody concerned knows what the deal is and so that there'll be no surprises whatever eventuates.
 
Gemma,

Both you and your bf have a right to have a say so in this. Your husband does not just get to rip apart the lives of two people for his own selfish ends.

What your husband is doing is selfish and unfair. Perhaps he should work on his insecurities rather than trying to force you to give up someone you truly care for.

Perhaps you should also ask yourself this: Does this marriage fulfill you? Which partner fulfills you more? Is your husband's word the end all be all? If so, why? Just some things to think about...

Aren’t I being selfish too? Part of me thinks I am. I’m clearly not listening to my husband’s views and feelings on this. He said he’s asked me to end it a number of times and I’ve ignored his feelings. I need to think about my answers to those questions.
 
Gemma, since you're all great friends and your boyfriend has already suggested taking a break from the sexual relationship, may I suggest this:

- Husband commits to a course of physical therapy aimed at strengthening muscle tone and control. (I realise he may be embarrassed and self-conscious, but it'd be helpful if the therapist understood the reason for seeking PT as there may be particular exercises that help with sexual function and associated movement).

- You AND husband agree to see a sex therapist together in order to address the current mismatch in this area (sexual incompatibility) and figure out how to approach the issue of mono/poly in the future.

- Take a (temporary) break from the sexual side of the relationship with boyfriend, and transition to platonic friendship... with the understanding that husband must commit to at least trying to meet your sexual needs. The therapist will have some ideas, I hope, however as one of the other posters said... "sex" need not be ALL about PIV... there are fingers and mouths and toys and imagination. There are fantasies and porn you can indulge in together.

If your husband refuses to branch out and employ his creative side in the bedroom, or won't go to a therapist, I believe you're within your rights to revert to getting those needs met elsewhere (with boyfriend in this case, if he is still on board after the sexual moratorium) or in some other relationship.

Before doing/agreeing to any of the above, I'd discuss your wishes, boundaries and deal-breakers in detail with both husband and boyfriend, so everybody concerned knows what the deal is and so that there'll be no surprises whatever eventuates.

Lunabunny, I’m all for this and my husband has suggested going back to PT. He hasn’t gone since he was a kid. I want to work with my husband on these issues, I do fear it still may not be enough. I’m feeling very conflicted, I know my relationship with my bf started off because of my sexual needs. However, things have changed and I have love for my bf, how can I go back to being a platonic friendship?! To not be able to show him physical affection hurts.
 
Lunabunny, I’m all for this and my husband has suggested going back to PT. He hasn’t gone since he was a kid. I want to work with my husband on these issues, I do fear it still may not be enough. I’m feeling very conflicted, I know my relationship with my bf started off because of my sexual needs. However, things have changed and I have love for my bf, how can I go back to being a platonic friendship?! To not be able to show him physical affection hurts.

There is no easy way, and I truly feel for you, having to make such a difficult choice. But from your posts, it seems an ultimatum from your husband is not far away... then what?

Perhaps there is a middle ground regarding physical affection toward your bf. I know you probably meant that as a euphemism for sexual activity, but might it be possible for you to still maintain some degree of physical intimacy with your boyfriend, short of sex? i.e. your husband may tolerate, if not whole-heartedly approve of, limited affection between yourself and bf, such as hugging, cuddling, non-sexual touching, while you're trying to sort the relationship/s out.

I do believe that if husband won't budge on this issue, you WILL ultimately be faced with a choice: husband or boyfriend. You really need to think about that, and what you will be able to live with for (potentially) the rest of your life. IF it's going to be way too difficult to scale back to platonic friendship or near-platonic, then it might be best all round if you let the relationship with boyfriend go sooner rather than later. That's if you decide to stay married. Physically disability or not, you have to do what's in your own best interest in the end. No amount of feeling badly for someone else should essentially force you to remain in a marriage to that person, if it means you are going to have to compromise too much of yourself in the process.
 
After a year of being in an open relationship my husband wants to go back to manogomy. He never found someone outside of us and decided he and will always be monogamous. I’m in a relationship and do love my bf but don’t know what to do. I feel selfish for wanting an outside relationship I’m clearly hurting my husband. I would like to remain open but he wants all this to end. I’m so torn and it hurts so much thinking I would have to end it.

My husband knows I love my bf and is hurt but he thinks I can just end this and we can go back to manogmy again. The problem that lead me to open the relationship will still be there. His disability hinders pleasing me sexually. He said he was going to work on improving muscle strength to maybe help. Even if that helps I still have an emotional connection to my bf.

Just not sure where to go. If I should end this or not.


Was there a discussions of prior to take this step that it could or would be a giant leap in terms of a relationship dynamic??? My advice to lurkers and newbies is be very sure this is something you need and want because chances are very very high there is no going back to the way it was.




Your husband is being very cruel, immature, bitter, and showing off what a worm he is by asking this of you.

If he was first on board with polyamory so you could get your sexual needs met, and was OK for a while with it becoming an emotional relationship, I'm sorry, but he just doesn't get to close the barn door after the horse is out.

I find this truly disgusting to call a guy a worm because he’s found that after a yr that he can’t do it. It’s not like he’s reminded every second of every day of his disability and then have the stabbed further when she drives off to be with her lover. AND is this appreciably different that a spouse in a mono marriage coming and changing their mind on marriage vows and pushing for an open marriage or poly.? Ones growth and following your true self and ones being a an immature bitter worm. BUT Hey a choice is a choice fuckhead.
Nothing like everyone feeling like they settled.
 
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Was there a discussions of prior to take this step that it could or would be a giant leap in terms of a relationship dynamic??? My advice to lurkersmand newbies is be very sure this is something you need and want because chances are very very high there is no going back to the way it was.

We were all naive and probably jumped into this without looking into all aspects. My husband agreed to this short term for me to satisfy my sexual needs. He assumed after having got my kicks it would fizzle out.
 
I find this truly disgusting to call a guy a worm because he’s found that after a yr that he can’t do it. It’s not like he’s reminded every second of every day of his disability and then have the stabbed further when she drives off to be with her lover. AND is this appreciably different that a spouse in a mono marriage coming and changing their mind on marriage vows. Ones growth and following your true self and ones being a an immature worm. Hey a choice is a choice fuckhead. Nothing like everyone feeling like they stettled.

Exactly! I know this is killing him and I’m being selfish. He opened up the relationship because he loves me so much he hates that he can’t give me what I need. He never once realized how hard it would be on him. Part of me knows I’m not being fair. I married him and I should try and work around my sexual needs within the marriage. This has to work for all involved, I can’t keep ignoring his feelings if he doesn’t want this to countine.
 
What was short term suppose to be ??

You said in one of you posts you weren’t ready to cut your husband loose out of your commitment to the family/ young kids. Do you think he will get to a point to cut you loose ?


I’m not sure how you unring the bell or paste the smashed vase back together.

How does sex going forward not become extremely awkward/uncomfortable/ strained/ embarrassing because of the herd of elephants in the room?

Forget about going forward what’s been the routine the past few / several months?? Who generally initiates sex ?



You’ve been very diplomatic on saying his disability hinders him in pleasing you sexually. I’m assuming it’s worse than hinder and issue is very little to no sex and rarely pleasurable and satisfying otherwise you wouldn’t be here.

The reason I’m going into this the lose lose situation I see for your husband. Let’s say he goes to PT sex camp and improves 50-60 % (Whatever that is and whatever that means ) what’s that do in terms of your pleasure. Hypothetically he went from horrible sex to bad or OK sex .....or went from an F to a C.
 
What was short term suppose to be ??

You said in one of you posts you weren’t ready to cut your husband loose out of your commitment to the family/ young kids. Do you think he will get to a point to cut you loose ?


I’m not sure how you unring the bell or paste the smashed vase back together.

How does sex going forward not become extremely awkward/uncomfortable/ strained/ embarrassing because of the herd of elephants in the room?

Forget about going forward what’s been the routine the past few / several months?? Who generally initiates sex ?



You’ve been very diplomatic on saying his disability hinders him in pleasing you sexually. I’m assuming it’s worse than hinder and issue is very little to no sex and rarely pleasurable and satisfying otherwise you wouldn’t be here.

The reason I’m going into this the lose lose situation I see for your husband. Let’s say he goes to PT sex camp and improves 50-60 % (Whatever that is and whatever that means ) what’s that do in terms of your pleasure. Hypothetically he went from horrible sex to bad or OK sex .....or went from an F to a C.


He’s adamant that he would never leave me. He loves me way too much. Obviously, things could change given how fed up he could get with the relationship dynamic.

Throughout this whole thing my husband and I continue to have good sexual relations. It’s never been arkward, we both initiate sex. The only position we manage to do is me on top. Other times we play with toys, oral sex, mutual masturbation. Our sex life is rather healthy in those aspects. He pleases me every way he can. I just needed more variety for sexual positions, I enjoy deep penetrative sex as I get vaginal orgasms. We have tried exploring with dildos and such and that has helped.

He said he’s ok with my bf and our relationship. He’s ok with, kissing, cuddling, naked cuddling, naked baths together. Even with us masturbating in front of each other. He just doesn’t want us having sex anymore. He says the more he thinks about it the more he thinks it shouldn’t happen.
 
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It seems to me that your husband only agreed to open up the relationship because he was scared of losing you.

Your only choices are to close the relationship or leave your husband. I don't believe his consent was ever a "joyous yes."

I don't understand all the negativity towards the husband, who seems to just be doing the best he can under the circumstances.
 
I was too harsh on the husband and I'm sorry. I went on to be more diplomatic. After all, I've got a disabled partner myself. She does not satisfy me sexually. Sex is good, but there are things she just can't do. One is, she's female so we don't actually have PIV sex. Once in a while she will use a strap-on, but she doesn't love to do it, only does it when I beg (like if I am without a bf). Sometimes she will use a handheld dildo on me, but her arms get tired quickly.

Also, her libido is lower than mine. And sadly, she's not much into giving me oral sex. She'd rather suck a dick than eat a pussy, to be blunt. This doesn't thrill me, but I've accepted it. And sometimes she gets so distracted with other things in her life, she won't crave any sex for up to 3 weeks at a time.

Luckily we are polyamorous and polysexual, and we are both bi. So we both happily consent to each other having able bodied bfs with good libidos.

Lots of times, polyamory starts because of mismatched libidos, or kink desires. In this case it's disability. Whichever reason, I still say it's unfair to close a relationship just because ONE partner changes their mind. You can't unring a bell. Opening a marriage (or committed relationship) changes it forever. There is no going back. Either the husband is unhappy because of jealousy now, or the wife would unhappy because of sexual frustration, for the rest of her life, if she decides to sacrifice her bf and go back to monogamy. There is no perfect solution in this marriage.

I am glad to hear toys and masturbation etc are used between the married partners. But if she's tired of cowgirl as the only actual PIV position possible, and not having truly fulfilling orgasms except through multiple PIV positions (as with her bf), I don't think it's anything to just ignore.

Her husband and confidant seem to be saying, "Pfft, she has a bf JUST so she can have good sex. What a selfish bitch." Excuse me, but really awesome sex is very important to some people. I guess people with lower libidos don't get that.

This is what poly is all about, people. Not one person can satisfy all the needs of another. (If that happens now and then, it's rare.) If one person could ever satisfy all our needs, we would have one spouse/friend each. We wouldn't need 5 or 50 friends, we wouldn't desire children, we wouldn't stay in touch with our partents, grandparents, siblings, cousins, aunt and uncles. We wouldn't go to church, or other social groups, or hobby groups, or exercise groups.

If the husband's libido is satisfied by the sex with the wife, good for him. Fact is, hers never will be. And yes, thinking a few times with another sex partner will "get it out of her system," was very naive thinking on both their parts. Once she got great sex with bf, she knew more than ever what she was missing for a long time.

There have been many options suggested here. Luna's ideas of merely cuddling bf, or the idea of naked masturbation or naked baths with bf, but no PIV are not good ideas, IMO, because what Gemma wants/needs/desires is deep PIV to get the best orgasms.

She married her husband thinking the kind of sex he offered was enough. But it's not. She fears that even if he increases his strength somewhat through exercise, he won't be able to get on top and really give it to her deep enough. She can't be blamed for this as a selfish bitch. We all learn about ourselves as we mature. We change, we grow. We often outgrow our spouses, or grow apart. Sometimes sexually, sometimes in other ways. Sometimes it's best just to part ways and go with another partner who better suits us at the next stage of life.

tl;dr: Husband loves her and is satisfied with their sex. She loves her husband and isn't satisfied with their sex. They can Close and stay together, wife frustrated, husband still knowing he can't fully satisfy her. They can weigh their other options. Maybe husband could find another partner with a lower libido who can love him with little to no sex.
 
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I was too harsh on the husband and I'm sorry. I went on to be more diplomatic. After all, I've got a disabled partner myself.

Lots of times, polyamory starts because of mismatched libidos, or kink desires. In this case it's disability. Whichever reason, I still say it's unfair to close a relationship just because ONE partner changes their mind. You can't unring a bell.
Either the husband is unhappy because of jealousy now, or the wife would unhappy because of sexual frustration, for the rest of her life, if she decides to sacrifice her bf and go back to monogamy.

This is what poly is all about, people. Not one person can satisfy all the needs of another. If the husband's libido is satisfied by the sex with the wife, good for him. Fact is, hers never will be.
And yes, thinking a few times with another sex partner will "get it out of her system," was very naive thinking on both their parts. I guess people with lower libidos don't get that.

I commend you for apologising after thinking more deeply about Gemma's dilemma, Magdlyn.

And I believe you make some very valid points in your latest response. Especially about not being able to unring the poly bell... and it being naïve thinking on the part of Gemma's husband to have assumed sex with the other partner would only happen a limited number of times until that itch had been firmly scratched.

Opening up should have necessitated detailed discussion about the nature of the new relationship and potential deal-breakers well BEFORE any sex occurred. After all, many people can't help but develop feelings for the person they're having regular sex with... which has clearly happened in this case. The fact that Gemma, her husband AND boyfriend were already close friends of long standing might have landed bf on the "messy persons" list right from the get-go... but unfortunately, that bell HAS been rung now, and all of them stand to lose someone dear to them if this dispute cannot be resolved amicably.

There have been many options suggested here. Luna's ideas of merely cuddling bf, or the idea of naked masturbation or naked baths with bf, but no PIV are not good ideas, IMO, because what Gemma wants/needs/desires is deep PIV to get the best orgasms.

Take a (temporary) break from the sexual side of the relationship with boyfriend, and transition to platonic friendship... with the understanding that husband must commit to at least trying to meet your sexual needs.

If your husband refuses to branch out and employ his creative side in the bedroom, or won't go to a therapist, I believe you're within your rights to revert to getting those needs met elsewhere

might it be possible for you to still maintain some degree of physical intimacy with your boyfriend,... such as hugging, cuddling, non-sexual touching, while you're trying to sort the relationship/s out.


I do get what you're saying here, Magdlyn.

In my defence, I didn't intend my suggestion (of limiting intimacy) to serve as a permanent "fix" for the problem at hand... which is why I stipulated making it a temporary break (since bf is a friend of husband's and seems to be willing to do this) while Gemma gives serious thought to what she wants to do here, and on the proviso that husband uses this time to work on his own issues (both physical and emotional).

As I said elsewhere, I do believe it will ultimately come down to a choice between staying in the marriage and separating so that both partners can get their needs met in other relationships.


He said he’s ok with my bf and our relationship. He’s ok with, kissing, cuddling, naked cuddling, naked baths together. Even with us masturbating in front of each other. He just doesn’t want us having sex anymore.

I'm in two minds about your husband's attitude here, Gemma.

On the one hand, I understand his view... as I've also kinda-sorta been down this road with the jealousy trip in regards to sexual activity between my two partners (who are both mono with me now, but used to be involved with each other). We three have an agreement that there be limited physical intimacy between them, unless I consent to things going further at some future time. Actual sex is not on the menu right now, though this may change at some point.

On the other... I'm not sure HOW consenting to activities (between boyfriend and yourself) that go as far as naked bathing and mutual masturbation will make much difference to your husband's current feelings of jealousy and his negative view of your relationship with boyfriend (?) :confused:

Basically, what your husband is saying is... almost any kind of intimacy short of PIV is "acceptable", but he wants to "save" intercourse for just between you two. Unfortunately, PIV sex is the ONE thing you do with him sexually that ISN'T overly satisfying for you. :( And therein lies the dilemma.

It'd really be much more sensible, considering his physical disability (and if limits HAVE to be imposed in order for husband to deal with his insecurities) if he'd agree to you being able to have PIV sex with your bf or others... while keeping a couple of "specially designated" intimate activities just between the two of you. i.e. Acts you agree to participate in ONLY with husband. That way he could still feel he was able to give you something you weren't getting elsewhere... and you would be able to get your need for deep penetration met outside the marriage.

I do believe counselling might be in yours and hubby's best interests IF you really want to save the marriage. But you're going to have to decide, and reasonably soon. Boyfriend is a person too, and it must be doing a number on him having his status in your life be so "up in the air".
 
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Basically, what your husband is saying is... almost any kind of intimacy short of PIV is "acceptable", but he wants to "save" intercourse for just between you two. Unfortunately, PIV sex is the ONE thing you do with him sexually that ISN'T overly satisfying for you. :( And therein lies the dilemma.
Right or wrong, men often have their self-worth tied with being able to please their woman in bed (better than other men), so that's probably one source for that jealousy around sex specifically. Lunabunny's compromise is great but may not be doable for this reason, unless the husband is able to step out of his own (or is it collective?) shadow around this. Just saying.
 
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Is it potentially selfish to put your sexual wants and needs before your husband's emotional needs? Sure. But does that make it wrong? Not really. Every person has their own wants and needs, but that doesn't guarantee that they'll line up.

As you've pointed out, you LOVE your b/f, and being able to be intimate with him is part of how you express that. You're not just being asked to give up sex with some random person. You're being asked to stop expressing your love for someone in a way that is important to you. That is HUGE distinction, and one that could lead to some serious resentment down the road.

Ultimately, you need to decide what YOU need in your life. Is sex important to you and you need it? What if your husband never gets strong enough to satisfy you sexually? And outside of your sexual needs, are you willing to end things with someone else that you love to save your marriage? These aren't easy questions, and there sadly may not be an answer that gives you everything you want. It seems to me like 2 of the 3 of you are guaranteed to be hurt no matter what. Either you and your husband if you keep seeing your b/f, or you and your b/f if you end things for your husband. Not an awesome choice, but a choice you have to make either way.

What you need to do though is make the choice that is right for YOU. Not the choice that other people want you to make.
 
I am glad to hear toys and masturbation etc are used between the married partners. But if she's tired of cowgirl as the only actual PIV position possible, and not having truly fulfilling orgasms except through multiple PIV positions (as with her bf), I don't think it's anything to just ignore.

Her husband and confidant seem to be saying, "Pfft, she has a bf JUST so she can have good sex. What a selfish bitch." Excuse me, but really awesome sex is very important to some people. I guess people with lower libidos don't get that.

This is what poly is all about, people. Not one person can satisfy all the needs of another.

If the husband's libido is satisfied by the sex with the wife, good for him. Fact is, hers never will be. And yes, thinking a few times with another sex partner will "get it out of her system," was very naive thinking on both their parts. Once she got great sex with bf, she knew more than ever what she was missing for a long time.

There have been many options suggested here. Luna's ideas of merely cuddling bf, or the idea of naked masturbation or naked baths with bf, but no PIV are not good ideas, IMO, because what Gemma wants/needs/desires is deep PIV to get the best orgasms.

She married her husband thinking the kind of sex he offered was enough. But it's not. She fears that even if he increases his strength somewhat through exercise, he won't be able to get on top and really give it to her deep enough. She can't be blamed for this as a selfish bitch. We all learn about ourselves as we mature. We change, we grow. We often outgrow our spouses, or grow apart. Sometimes sexually, sometimes in other ways. Sometimes it's best just to part ways and go with another partner who better suits us at the next stage of life.

tl;dr: Husband loves her and is satisfied with their sex. She loves her husband and isn't satisfied with their sex. They can Close and stay together, wife frustrated, husband still knowing he can't fully satisfy her. They can weigh their other options. Maybe husband could find another partner with a lower libido who can love him with little to no sex.

Thank you Magdlyn for your thoughtful response. It’s refreshing to know my feelings about PIV sex aren’t something to be overlooked. Sometimes I wish I could find a way to curb my appetite for it. My husband is a very good lover in every other way. I explained this to my husband last night and it helped him understand more. He says it’s not that he doesnt want to be ok with it 100% because he does but he says every time he thinks about it the more he thinks it shouldn’t happen. We are in the process of getting a referral for a counselor hopefully this can help him and me.
 
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